Descent into Madness
by Conspirator
Summary: When Kenshin first came to Kyoto, he was a wide-eyed, idealistic youth. How did he change into a hardened hitokiri?
1. chapter 1

When Katsura Kogoro brought Kenshin to Kyoto, he was a wide-eyed, idealistic youth. In less than a year, he was tormented by his inability to reconcile his idealism with the brutal reality of life as a hitokiri. This story follows Kenshin as he changes from that bright-eyed youth into the hardened hitokiri.

My brutal reality: I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They spring from the fertile imagination of Watsuki Nobuhiro and are trapped in the clutches of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates, who own all the copyrights.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 1

It was evening, and Matsuyoigusa, the okami of the inn, was tearing her hair out. Only yesterday she had received a letter from her patron, Katsura Kogoro, informing her that he and ten of his men would be arriving at her inn today and planning to stay for about a week. For about a year now, her inn had been the Kyoto headquarters for Katsura, head of the Chousu Ishin Shishi, and his elite troupe of fighters. She regularly had about 20 men quartered in the inn, which was no problem since she had 15 rooms, but whenever Katsura himself came with his entourage, it meant having to double up all the men and laying in double the amount of food and drink. Sometimes, she thought, it was like trying to contend with a plague of locusts---buy all that food, and then it's gone in the blink of an eye.

Not that she really minded, not when she remembered what the Chousu Ishin Shishi had done for her and her family just a year ago. It had been a busy day at the inn, that fateful day, and among the guests had been a wealthy, but drunken, samurai. He had clearly had more to drink that anyone should—he could barely stand—so she had been glad when he finally ordered his groom to retrieve his horse from the nearby stable. After bringing the horse to the front, however, the groom realized he had forgotten something, so he had asked her husband to hold the horse for him while he went back to the stable. When the samurai came out and found her husband holding the horse, he started swearing and accusing her husband of being a horse thief. Being as drunk as he was, there was nothing anyone could do to convince him otherwise, not even the groom, who by this time had come back. In his rage, the samurai beheaded her husband on the spot for stealing his horse, then turned on his groom and beheaded him, too, for making a fool of him. Then he rode off, without even a word of regret. The authorities had refused to do anything about it—a samurai was entitled to issue summary justice, they told her, and lowly merchants could not question the decision. Two weeks later, she had found a note on her door: "The samurai has received his just reward." It was signed, "Chousu Ishin Shishi." From that day on, she had been an ardent supporter of the Chousu, and she offered to let them use her inn in any way they chose. With its location in an out-of-the-way alley, her inn soon became the home of a sizable contingent of the Chousu's best fighters. It was the one place, as Katsura told her many times, where he knew there would be no question of wavering loyalty!

She was busily counting up the bags of rice, baskets of vegetables, and bottles of sake and other spirits when Katsura and his group arrived. 

"Katsura-san! How nice to see you!" she called out. 

"Okami-san, the feeling is mutual," he replied, as he handed the reins of his horse to a stable boy. He had known Matsuyoigusa long enough by now to know that she hated being called 'Evening Primrose' and much preferred just to be called what she was—'Okami,' mistress of her inn. "We've been on the road for a week, so we're very much looking forward to a bath and your good home cooking!"

As he and his men trooped into the inn, she noticed that among them was a young, red-headed boy who looked to be about 11 or 12, dressed in peasant's clothes. 'How odd,' she thought. 'He's never traveled with a servant before, and I've no place to put a servant,' but she brushed her thoughts aside as she went about assigning the men to their rooms. Eventually, only Katsura, his chief aide Katagai, and the boy were left. 

"Katsura-san," she said, "I had assumed that Katagai-san would share a room with your tenth man, but there doesn't seem to be a tenth—just this boy. I wasn't expecting you to bring a servant, and I have no room in the servants' quarters for a boy, so…"

"Ah, this is not a servant," Katsura said, cutting her off. "He is a swordsman from Takasugi's Kiheitai, and he'll be joining the men here permanently. He can room with Katagai for the time being."

Okami eyed the boy, then looked rather piercingly at Katsura. In a soft voice, she asked, "Are things so bad for the Ishin Shishi that you're now recruiting children?" 

Peals of laughter greeted her question. "Heavens, no!" Katsura answered, once he had regained his composure. "Okami-san, he's not a child—he's 14!"

"Oh, he's all of 14!" she repeated somewhat sarcastically. "Well, that makes a big difference, doesn't it." She clearly was not impressed with this information and clearly didn't believe it, either.

Katsura motioned for the boy, whose name was Himura Kenshin, to take a seat in the kitchen. Then he led Okami and Katagai off to a side room. "Okami-san, you and I need to have a chat."

"I know the boy looks young," Katsura started, once they were in the room and had closed the door, "but I've lived with him at close quarters for the past week, and I can tell you from what I've…seen…that he probably is the age he says he is."

Okami blushed as she realized what he was getting at.

"Furthermore, he is more than just a swordsman—he is undoubtedly the most accomplished swordsman I have ever seen, young or old. We know nothing of his background or his school, but if he is even half as talented as I think, this boy, with his sword skills, will be instrumental in bringing about the new era we all are seeking. I have special plans for him, but before he can start his assignment, I need you to help him get some proper clothes and learn his way around Kyoto."

"Yes, especially learning about Kyoto," Katagai cut in. "You should have seen him once we entered the city. He was trying hard to look impassive, but his eyes got as big as saucers. I guess spending his whole life on a mountain, he's never seen anything like a city before. It's going to take some getting used to for him."

"Leave it to me," Okami said. "I'll take him to the seamstress tomorrow, then show him around some of the nearby neighborhoods. Maybe I'll get the stable boy to help some, too. He's trustworthy, and he's close to the same age."

Katsura agreed with her plan. Then they went back to the kitchen, where they found Kenshin trying to fend off Okami's two serving girls.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like me to show you the storeroom?" said the one in pink, whose name was Kishi, as she tried to take his hand.

"Oh, no, Kishi, he needs to be shown the garden and the well," said the one in blue, whose name was Yuka, as she tried to put her arms around his neck.

Kenshin, for his part, was trying desperately to remove himself from their clutches without seeming rude. The relief he felt upon seeing Katsura, Katagai, and Okami return to the kitchen was written all over his face. 

"Girls!" Okami said, clearly shocked by their behavior. "What do you think you're doing! This is one of our guests!" The girls just giggled, then disappeared.

Katsura chuckled to himself at Kenshin's obvious discomfort, then said, "Himura, I take it you've survived meeting the staff? This is Okami-san, owner of the inn. I've asked her to take you under her wing, so to speak, for the next few days so you can get some proper clothes and learn your way around town. Katagai and I have several meetings we need to attend this week, but we'll be here for most meals. In the meantime, I leave you in her capable hands. See you at breakfast." And with that, Katsura and Katagai left to settle into their rooms.

"Your name is Himura, then?" Okami asked.

"Sessha wa Himura Kenshin, de gozaru…."

"'Sessha?" Okami cut him off. "Where in the world did you come up with that? No one's used 'sessha' around here for at least 50 years!"

"Gomen nasai, Okami-dono…"

"-dono?" Okami put her head in her hands. "No one's used '-dono' in about 50 years either. Just call me –san."

"Hai, Okami-dono…uh, -san." 

"Himura-san, may I ask, where did you grow up?"

"In the mountains southwest of here," Kenshin answered. 

"And everyone there uses 'sessha' and '-dono?"

"Well, not everybody," Kenshin answered, "but my shishou always taught me that I should use those when I'm in polite company, especially around women." 

"Ah, well, your shishou must be an elderly man, then, to teach you such archaic manners," she said.

A small smile crept onto Kenshin's face as he envisioned an elderly Hiko Seijuro, complete with white hair and cane, in his mind's eye. "No, actually he's only about 28," he finally said.

"And someone as young as that goes around using 'sessha?'" she asked incredulously.

"Oh, well, _he _doesn't—only I was supposed to. He said no one would believe him if he called himself 'unworthy.'"

Okami burst out laughing. "Himura-san," she said, once she managed to control herself, "here in Kyoto, no one uses those terms anymore, even in polite company and even around women. So, I guess that's your first lesson—no more 'sessha,' no more '-dono, and certainly no 'de gozaru!' Let's get you settled in your room, give you a chance for a bath, and get you some dinner. Tomorrow, I'll start taking you around some of the neighborhoods so you can learn your way around.

"Thank you, Okami-… san. I appreciate this very much." He followed her up the stairs, mentally cursing Hiko for teaching him outdated manners. 'He probably had a good laugh over it the whole time, too,' he concluded ruefully.

Okami was up earlier than usual the next morning, knowing that it would take extra long in the kitchen, what with so many mouths to feed, so she was astonished to find that someone had already beaten her to the kitchen. There, by the stove, she found the firewood already piled up and four fresh buckets of water from the well. As she was pondering who could have done this, Kenshin walked in carrying another two buckets of water. 

"Ohayou, Okami-don…, I mean, -san," he said, bowing his head. 

Okami's mouth hung open in surprise. "O.. Ohayou, Himura-san," she finally managed. "What in the world are you doing?"

"Well, I brought in wood for the fire, water for cooking and washing…"

"Yes, yes, I can see all that," she said, "but, Himura-san, you don't have to do that, you know. And to get up this early!"

"Oh, I'm used to it," he said with a smile. "When I lived with my shishou, I always did this, and the cooking, too. And with the Kiheitai, we all had jobs, so I just kept on working in the kitchen. But if you'd rather I didn't…" 

"Oh, no," she laughed, "that's just fine! I certainly will never say no to someone who wants to help out, especially with the crowd we've got staying here now!" She set him to work chopping vegetables and stirring the soup, and saw that he was quite good at it. 

About 15 minutes later, the two serving girls dragged into the kitchen, looking like they could use another 10 hours of sleep. Then they spotted Kenshin. Their grogginess vanished in an instant.

"Oh, Himura-san," purred Yuka , "you're so talented at cutting and chopping. You have such experienced hands!" 

"Really, Yuka," said Kishi, "you're being awfully forward with our new guest." She sidled over to him so that she was right up against him. She could feel him tense. "What he needs to do is come with me to get some of those heavy bags from the storeroom. Isn't that right, Himura-san?"

Kenshin quickly took a step to the side to get away from her, but that put him up against Yuka, so he took a step backwards. "I would like to continue cutting these vegetables, if you don't mind," he said as forcefully as he could. He looked around the kitchen frantically for Okami.

"Oh, come on, Himura-san, come with us," they giggled as they started tugging at his sleeves.

"Girls! What did I tell you last night!" Okami had just walked back into the kitchen, much to Kenshin's great relief. "Go do your work!" Turning to Kenshin, she said, "Those two, I swear! They've got their hooks into half the men here, and they're trying hard for the other half!"

"Thanks for warning me," Kenshin said gratefully, as he went back to his vegetables.

About an hour later, Kenshin heard the sounds of men coming downstairs for breakfast and eventually heard someone call his name. 

" Himura!" It was Katagai. "Thought I'd find you here. Come with me. Katsura expects you to walk into breakfast with us, as a way to introduce you to the troops, so to speak." 

Kenshin wiped his hands, placed his swords in his belt, then bowed politely to Okami and took his leave.

'Hmm, he must have an in with Katsura-sama himself!' Kishi mused. 'He's so shy, though. I wonder what it would take to get him to like me…' She smiled deviously as she thought up all sorts of ways to try to insinuate herself into his good graces.

Katsura was waiting in the hall and started walking towards the dining room with them, but he was called aside by one of the men, so he motioned for Katagai and Kenshin to go in without him. As the two entered the dining room, the din of conversation slowly lessened as the soldiers eyed the newcomers.

Suddenly, someone shouted, "Hey, Katagai, didn't know you went in for pretty boys!" Gales of laughter rang out. Kenshin clenched his fists, though his face was impassive. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the laughter stopped---Katsura was standing in the doorway. He placed a hand on Kenshin's shoulder and glared at the men.

"This _boy_," Katsura said sternly, putting emphasis on the word, "is the newest member of your company. This _boy_ is the most accomplished swordsman I have ever seen, young or old, and could beat any of you in a fight. This _boy_ will be treated as a man, and hewill be accorded all the courtesy and respect due to me or to any of you. Do I make myself clear?" 

The silence was deafening; he had made his point. He led Katagai and Kenshin over to a corner table, then said, "Himura, don't mind them. They're a bit rough, but they're all good men. It'll take some time for them to get used to having someone as young as you on their level, but they'll get used to it, especially after they've seen what you can do."

Kenshin wasn't so sure. He could hear snippets of conversation making fun of his hair, his clothes, and his height. "Bet he doesn't even shave yet," someone guffawed. It was one thing to have Hiko make fun of him, but quite another to hear it from strangers. Clearly, these men were not like his comrades in the Kiheitai. They had all been small-town farmers or merchants, not much different from Kenshin himself, and they had been quite kind to him during his short stay with them.

"Katsura-san," he ventured, when it seemed that Katsura and Katagai had finished discussing business, "are you sure this will work out? Perhaps it would be better if I stayed with the Kiheitai."

Katsura looked around the room, judging the character of the men surrounding them. "Himura, I've only known you a short time, but in that time I've seen that you not only possess great skill with a sword, but also maturity and integrity beyond your years. Give them time---they'll come around. They're battle-hardened, cynical warriors, and this is a cynical town. Once they've seen you in action, believe me, you'll get nothing but respect from them."

"And just what will my job be?" Kenshin asked. "You never did tell me exactly what I am to do for the Ishin Shishi."

Katsura gazed at Kenshin for a moment. 'He really is young,' he thought to himself. 'Is it fair to ask him to do what I want him to?' He gave no outward indication of his thoughts, however, as he said, "Himura, if all goes as planned, I want you to take on probably the most difficult job of all. I can't say any more than that right now, until I've discussed it with the other leaders. We have a series of meetings planned this week. By the end of those meetings, your role will become clear. Until then, learn your way around Kyoto and participate in the practice sessions with the other men, but you are not to go out on any missions as yet." With that, he stood up, bowed slightly, and left the room.

"Where do we practice, and when?" Kenshin asked Katagai. "I haven't been able to do my kata for over a week. I'd hate to get rusty."

Katagai smiled, thinking how refreshing it was to be with someone who still cared about the finer points of swordsmanship. He hoped this boy would not become jaded like the others as time went by. 

"In this room," he answered, sweeping his hand around for emphasis. "Anyone who hasn't been out all night on a mission is supposed to come in to practice after breakfast has been cleared, although not that many do. You'll be out with Okami this morning, but if the room is empty this afternoon, it's all yours."

Kenshin looked around the room. "Pardon my saying so, Katagai-san, but I think the ceiling is a bit low for my purposes."

Katagai looked up at the ceiling, then at Kenshin. "Too low?" he repeated. 'I've got to see this kid practice!' he though to himself. "Well, I guess you could use the courtyard, as long as you're quiet about it." Kenshin looked quizzical. "Wouldn't want you to bother the neighbors, you know," Katagai said with a wink. 

With breakfast over, it was time join Okami to start learning his way around Kyoto. Having never been in a village any larger than about 200 people, Kenshin had found his first views of the capital city to be unbelievable. Never had he seen so many people and buildings in one place. Just the fact that there were separate shops for tea, fruits, books, tools, you name it, was so at odds with the little general store he was used to that it was almost overwhelming. So, it was with some excitement that he accompanied Okami on his real first foray into the city. His eyes took in everything—the way people dressed, the height of the buildings, the way the streets seemed to go every which way. It was a different world.

"Himura-san, you're gawking," Okami said, smiling, as they walked down a main street.

"Ah, gomen, Okami-san," Kenshin said, "but's it's all so very different."

"I imagine so," she said. "In fact, I'm surprised your father let you come to such a big city by yourself, especially with everything that's been going on."

"I don't have a father," he answered simply.

"Well, your mother, then," Okami said.

"I don't have a mother."

Okami stopped walking and turned to face him, hands on hips. "Himura-san, everyone has a mother."

Kenshin lowered his head, hiding his eyes behind his hair. "My parents died of cholera when I was five," he answered softly. "I was found later by my shishou, and I've lived with him ever since."

Okami let out a sympathetic "Oh," then continued walking. After a moment, she said, "And your shishou thought it was okay for you to become a soldier at such a young age?"

"Well, not exactly," Kenshin answered truthfully. "We sort of had an argument about that. I won."

At this point, Okami turned down an alley and steered Kenshin toward a shop that said 'Seamstress.' 

"Well, here's our destination," she said. "Katsura-san told me to get you a proper uniform—a dark blue gi and grey hakama. I have a feeling she'll need to make it up specially for you. That should put her in an interesting mood."

Kenshin stopped short. "Okami-san, I can't do that," he said. "I don't have enough money."

"Don't worry, Himura-chan." She couldn't help herself from using the '–chan'—he was motherless, after all, and despite what Katsura said, he was still just a boy. "Everyone receives a uniform when they join, and anyway, you'll be getting paid every week."

"I will?"

'Oh, my,' she thought, chuckling. 'He has so much to learn!'

As they entered the shop, a middle-aged woman with sharp, angular features eyed them keenly. "Okami-chan, ohayou," the woman said in a voice that sounded like fingernails scratching on slate. "That's some odd boy you've got with you. Nice hair!"

Kenshin flinched imperceptibly.

"Watch your manners, Junko-_san_," Okami said with a grimace and emphasizing the '-san.' "This boy is joining Katsura-san's men and needs a uniform." Leaning over to Kenshin, she whispered, "The woman is evil, but very loyal to the Ishin Shishi."

"What, Katsura-san needs someone with red hair to light up the way at night?" Junko laughed at her own joke. Okami did not laugh with her. "Oh, lighten up, Okami-chan. Such a shrimp—better bring him over here so I can measure."

The seamstress roughly grabbed onto Kenshin's arm to drag him over to her, only to find that what looked like a slip of a boy was actually a steel-muscled individual with no intention of being dragged anywhere.

"Like I said, Junko-san," Okami continued, "mind your manners."

Kenshin finally walked over to Junko and allowed her to measure him. She fingered his old gi with distaste.

"How old are you, boy?" she asked.

"Fourteen," he answered.

"Fourteen, my foot! Why, my 12-year-old son is taller than you! Well, even if you really are 14, you obviously have a lot of growing left to do, and you're just about out of this gi as it is. What say we put big hems on the gi and hakama, eh, so you can let them out as you grow? And tell you what—my 12-year-old just outgrew a perfectly good gi. It'll probably be too big on you—hah!—but you can have it, too. I'll send everything 'round in a few days. Good day!"

With obvious relief, Okami and Kenshin left the shop. "Old witch," Okami muttered. "Come on, we've got to pick up some items for dinner." Then, as they turned back onto the main road, she said, "I hope all our conversation hasn't distracted you from learning your way around the neighborhood." 

"We went west, then turned northeast, turned southeast into the alley, and now we're going northeast again," Kenshin answered quickly.

Okami was astonished. "How did you figure all that out so quickly? It's cloudy today, the sun isn't even out to help!"

"My shishou taught me well," was the reply.

At Kenshin's suggestion, they split up after reaching the marketplace. Okami needed to get back to the inn to prepare lunch, but Kenshin wanted time to explore. He had been intrigued by the alley in which the seamstress had her shop—it ended with a wall and no other way out, something he had never seen before. Okami had called it a dead end. 'Dead end, indeed,' he thought darkly, if someone were caught there during a fight. He decided to wander the small streets and alleys off the market area to see if dead ends were common, and found that they were. But he also started seeing a pattern to the seemingly random twists and turns of the back streets and alleys. After two or three forays, he saw that he could predict which streets would meander in which direction, and which would likely lead only to dead ends. Finally, in one dead-end alley that looked particularly deserted, he decided to test the height of the buildings surrounding the alley, a height that seemed to be common to most buildings in the area. After a quick check to make sure he was alone, he jumped; he reached the roof easily. 

He was about to jump back down when he heard a commotion out on the main road. Crouching on the roof, he slid over to the edge nearest the road to see what was going on. It was a group of three samurai on horseback, wearing the uniform of the Bakufu and demanding that the passersby bow down to them. This being a neighborhood known to be hostile to the Shogunate, not many people were showing what the samurai considered to be the proper respect. When the men started to dismount, everyone—men, women, and children—started running for whatever shops or doorways were nearby to get away from them. Those who couldn't get away fast enough were beaten, then forced to bow to the ground. 

Kenshin felt his anger rise. He wanted more than anything to jump down and confront the samurai, but he remembered Katsura's admonition not to go on any missions yet, so he held back. Instead, he loosened a piece of roof tile, took aim, and threw it at the rear-most samurai, hitting him in the neck. The look of astonishment on the man's face, not to mention on the faces of his comrades, was priceless. The man fell, unconscious. With everyone in the street all bowing, the samurai couldn't figure out who could have thrown the tile. In frustrated anger, they grabbed their comrade, threw him over his saddle, then grabbed the horse's reins and rode off. Kenshin silently slid back along the roof, then jumped back down into the alley. There was no doubt in his mind—he would do whatever it took to help rid this country of the hated Shogunate. 

By mid-afternoon he was back at the inn. The place seemed deserted, so he decided to take the opportunity to practice his kata in the courtyard. After the anger he had experienced just an hour before, it felt calming, even relaxing, to start centering himself and to do the first, slow beginning moves. Soon, time lost all meaning for him as he methodically performed each kata, handling his sword with the grace, speed, and accuracy that Hiko had relentlessly drilled into him all those years. At a certain point, he became vaguely aware that some of the men were watching, but that didn't matter. He progressed to the most difficult moves, practicing the attacking jumps and deadly slashes that were the hallmark of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Finally, with a last leap and a lightening-quick circular swing of his sword, he finished. When he looked up, he was surprised to find 25 men staring at him, mouths agape. 

"Gomen nasai, if I've interrupted something," he said softly, not knowing what else to say. As he went to leave the courtyard, the men parted before him, still staring. As he went inside and up the stairs to his room, the silence broke. 

"Did you see what I think I just saw?" one of men said.

"I don't know what you saw," said another, "but what I saw was too fast for me to follow."

"Katsura's right," another one put in. "That's no boy—that's a demon!"

At dinner, as Kenshin walked in with some of the men he had traveled with from Chousu, conversation once again came to a stop. Once again, all eyes were on him, this time in awe. Not knowing what else to do, he gave a small bow, then continued walking to a table with his group. Katsura and Katagai soon joined them. 

"Well," Katsura said to him, "I hear you gave quite a demonstration today."

"I what?" Kenshin asked, clearly puzzled.

"Your practice," he continued. "It seemed to impress the men."

"Oh." Kenshin didn't know what else to say.

"And I'm told you've already figured out the layout of Kyoto."

"Well, not quite," said Kenshin, "but I did learn something today. Kyoto is not that much different from the forest where I used to live. It may have houses instead of trees, but there are still paths that meander in certain patterns, and you still have to watch out for wild animals."

"How true," Katsura said with a smile. "Yes, I think you are going to work out quite well."

Japanese Terms:

Okami: mistress, head.

Chousu: One of the most anti-Shogun provinces.

Ishin Shishi: name for those rebelling against the Shogunate. 

Kiheitai: a private army in Chousu created by Takasugi Shinsaku, composed of farmers and the like rather than samurai.

Sessha wa: "This unworthy one is….," very archaic version of "I am…."

De gozaru: archaic version of "desu."

Gomen nasai: very sorry.

Shishou: master teacher of swordsmanship.

Ohayou: Good morning, hello.

-chan: honorific used for a child or a very close friend.

Bakufu: name for the Shogunate government.

Kata: the prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

****

Author's Note: The idea for this story comes from the little snippet in the OAV showing Kenshin among the Kiheitai as a rather wide-eyed, innocent-looking youth. That's what he would have been like when he first arrived in Kyoto. He obviously got a very fast education in treachery and man's inhumanity to men once he got there, but Watsuki doesn't show us how that happened. There are plenty of stories about Kenshin as a hitokiri, but none about his earliest days, so I'm filling in the gap. Let me know what you think!

****

CoConspirator's Note: Well ….we're back!! *does happy dance* So how do you like this one so far? Don't forget to let us know what you think! (poor Kenshin he's so short and scrawny) *sigh* Oh well see you in the next chapter. 


	2. chapter 2

Kenshin's gotten his first taste of life in Kyoto with the Ishin Shishi and found it to be quite different from life on a mountain with Hiko. As he spends his second day, he finds he has even more to learn, including a few lessons about women and treachery.

Speaking of treachery, I guess I need to say that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They spring from the fertile imagination of Watsuki Nobuhiro and are trapped in the clutches of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates, who own all the copyrights.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 2

The next morning, Okami was not surprised to find that, once again, Kenshin had beaten her to the kitchen. Once again, she found firewood stacked neatly beside the stove, buckets of water waiting to be used, and this time also two sacks of rice and two buckets of tofu already retrieved from the storeroom. He was now in the process of cleaning vegetables in preparation for cutting them up.

"Ohayou, Himura-chan," she said brightly. "Helping out again this morning, I see."

"Hai, Okami-san," he replied. "As long as you don't mind, I enjoy doing this kind of work." 

'Nice boy,' Okami mused as she busied herself at the stove.

As Kenshin stood there chopping mounds of carrots and daikon, he sensed that the serving girls, Kishi and Yuka, had arrived. Without turning, and before the girls could even utter a word, he said, "Ohayou Kishi-san,Yuka-san. Kishi-san, you'll find the rice from the storeroom over to your left. And Yuka-san, you'll find the tofu near the rice—I got it out for you already."

The girls stood there, dumbfounded. He had just prevented them from using their easiest approach to him. Kenshin, meanwhile, mentally patted himself on the back for having foiled what he knew would be their attempts to flirt with him. Unfortunately, he underestimated their determination. It only took a minute before Kishi recovered her aplomb. On her way to pick up one of the sacks of rice, she stepped next to Kenshin and said in her most seductive voice, "I hear you're awfully talented with a sword."

"Who told you that?" Kenshin responded evenly, without looking up.

"Oh, I've heard it from all the men," Kishi purred. "They were so interested in you, they started asking me if I knew what you were like."

"What do you mean, what I'm like?" Kenshin asked. "I am what I am."

"That's not what they meant," she said meaningfully as she batted her eyes. "You know, what you're _like_."

It took a moment to sink in, but Kenshin hadn't endured those interminable accounts of Hiko's sexual exploits—what passed, in Hiko's view, for sex education—for nothing. He started to realize what Kishi was getting at.

"Please, Kishi, I'm really not interested," he said quickly.

Kishi was not used to being turned down. She thought a second, then said darkly, "You're not one of _them_, are you?"

"Them who?" Kenshin asked, now totally stumped.

"You know, _them_—someone who likes men instead."

"What?!" Now Kenshin turned from what he was doing to look at Kishi. He could feel his cheeks burning. "No! Of course not! It's just that I'm not interested in what you want me to be interested in right now, ok?!"

"Well, gee, don't get so worked up about it!" she said hotly. "I was just asking." She walked off, but as she passed by Yuka, she muttered, "God, he's hopeless. Forget about _him!_" And with that, both girls left him alone.

Kenshin heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn't had much experience in his life with women—in fact, he had had about zero experience in his life with women—but if this was what it was like, he wasn't sure he wanted any part of it. He had never felt so flustered! He redoubled his efforts at chopping, then quickly went over to stand by Okami, who was cooking rice.

Later, when he heard the men coming downstairs for breakfast, he took his leave and went to sit with Katagai and some of the men he had traveled with from Chousu. He studiously avoided looking at either Kishi or Yuka when they came to serve breakfast. Katagai noticed.

"Having girl problems?" Katagai asked lightly.

Kenshin groaned. "Not you, too," he said unhappily.

Katagai patted him on the back. "Cheer up, Himura. I was 14 once, too, you know. It's an awkward age—you'll get over it." Kenshin just smiled weakly in response.

After breakfast, he returned to the kitchen to await his guide for the day—the stable boy, according to Okami. He didn't have to wait long before a fresh-faced, smiling boy appeared at the door. Okami waved him in.

"Himura-chan, this is Shozo, the stable boy," she said. "He's got to stop by the saddlemaker, so he'll take you around today. Learn a lot and have a good time, boys!" 

Kenshin bowed to Shozo and said, "I'm Himura Kenshin, pleased to meet you."

"Shozo the stable boy," Shozo responded, also bowing. He took up his wheelbarrow, which held a saddle in need of repair.

As they started walking, Shozo looked at Kenshin, then at his swords, and said, "You know, I don't know whether to call you '-chan' or '-san.' You look about my age, but then again, you've got swords."

"It doesn't make much difference to me," Kenshin said. "In fact, you don't have to use anything at all. I'm only 14."

"I'm 12," Shozo said.

They walked a bit in silence. Then Shozo said, "You must be samurai—you've got the swords and a surname—but you don't dress like samurai."

"I'm not samurai, actually," Kenshin answered. "My parents were farmers, but after they died, my shishou took me in and gave me my name."

"You're lucky," Shozo said. "My parents died, and I didn't get a surname from the people I live with. Maybe someday, huh?"

They walked along again in silence. Kenshin noticed, however, that Shozo kept staring at him.

"Is something the matter, Shozo?" he asked.

Shozo was embarrassed to be caught staring, but he finally said, "It's your hair. I've never seen red hair before."

'What is it with the hair!' Kenshin thought to himself. He was getting a bit tired of the comments. Exasperated, he said, "Surely there must be other people in a city this size with red hair!" 

"I hate to say this," Shozo stated, "but I've lived in Kyoto all my life, and I've never seen anyone with your color hair. You ever thought of getting a hat or something? Because people are really staring at you."

"Hmm," Kenshin muttered, noticing how people kept giving him furtive glances. "You know, you might have a point there."

As they walked along in companionable silence, Kenshin observed that the buildings were starting to look different from the neighborhood where the inn was located. The walls and gates seemed more ornate, and he saw more and more multi-storied buildings within the compounds.

"Where are we, exactly?" Kenshin asked after awhile.

"We're heading for the oldest part of the city," Shozo answered. "See all these fancy houses? Homes of high-class samurai. And wait 'till we go a little further—you'll see the palace of the emperor himself!"

The palace of the emperor? Kenshin could hardly believe it. Intellectually, of course, he knew that Kyoto was the home of the emperor, but it had never really crossed his mind that he might actually see where the emperor—the descendent of a god, the man whose authority he had pledged to uphold against the Tokugawa—actually lived. After another quarter mile or so, Shozo stopped and pointed to a huge, long wall.

"There—that's it," he said. "Behind that wall is the emperor's palace. They say there are lots of buildings and gardens and such in there, but of course no one really knows because no one's allowed in. Actually, they say it's not all that fancy—the old one burned down not long ago, and this one is the new one."

Not that fancy? Kenshin was awed by the extent of the walls alone, not to mention the beautiful gate and what he could see of the upper stories of some of the buildings. Milling around the area were dozens of men in a variety of what appeared to be uniforms.

"Tell me," Kenshin said, "who are these groups of men?"

"Well, the maroon ones are the Mimiwarigumi, the light blue ones are the Shinsengumi—they're both Shogun supporters—then the light green are from Satsuma, you already know who's in dark blue…."

Suddenly, he felt Shozo tugging urgently at his sleeve. "Come on, hurry!" Shozo urged as he started pulling Kenshin into a side alley. "There's a daimyo coming, and I'm not in the mood to go bowing and scraping."

In fact, Kenshin had been aware of a rather powerful ki coming his way, but what with all the sword ki he could sense in the area and the fact that he had seen no overt threat, he had chosen to ignore it. He scrambled down the alley behind his companion.

"This isn't a neighborhood I like to be in much," Shozo said, once they had moved away from the main thoroughfare. "Too many big shots and such, and too many soldiers, but this is where the best saddlemaker is, so here I am."

Despite the fact that the main streets all seemed to follow a simple grid pattern, the back alleys were an entirely different story. They were like a maze that seemed to circle around and double back on itself. The boys finally ended up on the side street containing the saddlemaker. Shozo spoke to the servant at the door, left the wheelbarrow and saddle with him, and then rejoined Kenshin. He led him back to the main thoroughfare and pointed.

"See that down there?" he said. "That's where the Shogun has _his_ palace, and believe me, it puts the emperor's to shame."

Down the street Kenshin could see a beautifully ornate gate, a huge moat, and imposing-looking guard boxes. Above and beyond the tall walls, he could make out part of the tallest building he had ever seen—story upon story of graceful floors that looked like the wings of a soaring bird. It did, indeed, put the imperial compound to shame. The area, however, was swarming with even more soldiers, which made him uncomfortable. He made for a side street, with Shozo following.

"That maze of alleys we went down before—I've never seen anything like it," Kenshin said. "Is this whole neighborhood like that?"

"Yeah," Shozo answered. "They say it's so that if someone tries to attack, they'll get lost and end up trapped."

Kenshin could see how that could happen very easily and determined to investigate the area. Accompanied by Shozo, he started wandering down the warren of alleys off every side street. It was almost dizzying, what with all the twists and turns, but just as with the day before, after walking through several sets of alleyways, he started seeing a pattern, a key to what seemed outwardly to be an almost random layout.

It was past midday now, and the two boys were hungry, so after checking how much money he had, Kenshin suggested they stop at a noodle stand for lunch. Then it was time to start heading back, since Shozo needed to return in time to care for the horses. Kenshin suggested that he himself lead the way.

"But we're nowhere near where we came into this area," Shozo protested. "You'll just get us lost!"

"Trust me," Kenshin said, and much to Shozo's amazement, he managed to get them back to the inn without any trouble at all.

"Maybe we can do this again, huh?" Shozo said as he left for the stable.

"I'd like that," Kenshin answered.

He turned into the inn, deciding to rest briefly before practicing his kata in the courtyard, as he had the day before. After about an hour, he headed outside and started practicing. He had just started the second level when he felt the presence of someone watching. He ignored it, as he had the day before, until he heard, "Trying to show off again?"

He turned to find a young man, perhaps 19 or 20, leaning against the doorway leading to the courtyard. Kenshin bowed slightly and said, "Pardon me, I didn't think anyone was using the courtyard…"

"You think you're such hot stuff, coming here with Katsura-san and all," the man continued. "Maybe you'd like to spar with someone who's got some real experience."

Kenshin wasn't sure what to make of this challenge. He didn't know the man, although he recognized him from the dining room, and he certainly didn't want to antagonize his future comrades. "No," he said finally, "I don't really wish to spar—I just wanted to run through my kata, that's all."

In a flash, the man jumped in front of Kenshin, sword drawn. "I've challenged you," the man said in a low voice. "You will accept." With that, he swung his sword at Kenshin, intending to disarm him. Kenshin immediately jumped and flipped, landing behind his opponent. The man swiveled, lashing out once again at Kenshin, then laughing as he purposely stopped his swing in mid-air. Kenshin had already sidestepped and jumped to avoid what he thought would be a completed swing and was ready to counter when the man swiveled once again and started running toward him, only to stop just inches short of Kenshin. 

Kenshin had had enough. "If you just want to play, I'm not interested," Kenshin said calmly. He turned his back on the man and started walking away. He felt, rather than saw, the man rushing towards him again, the man's ki practically screaming in anger.

"No one turns their back on Shinzo Tora, master of Shindon Munnen Ryu," the man yelled out, but Kenshin was too fast. Before the man realized what had happened, Kenshin had him on the ground with his blade against his neck.

"I thought we were supposed to be on the same side," Kenshin said coldly. He removed his sword from the man's neck, resheathed it, then walked away. The man lay there, panting. "Same side?" he laughed arrogantly at the departing Kenshin. "I wouldn't count on it, _boy_."

Kenshin went back to his room and sat down, shaken by what had just happened. 'We're all Ishin Shishi here, aren't we?' he thought. 'We're all fighting for the same thing, aren't we?' He decided to tune his mind in to any ki that might be in the area, something he hadn't really thought he'd have to do in the supposedly friendly environment of the inn. Aside from the strong and angry ki of his opponent, however, he sensed only a few other men, all of them non-threatening. Was this the only man who, for whatever reason, had taken some kind of dislike to him, or were there more? Was his ability with a sword such that it made other swordsmen feel threatened? He had a hard time believing that, not after all the ridicule he had gotten from Hiko over the years for his lack of skill. Still, it appeared he would have to watch his back from now on. It was not a happy prospect. 

As he sat there thinking, he heard a knock on the door. It was Okami, delivering his new clothes from the seamstress. After thanking her, he said, "Okami-san, everyone here fights for the Ishin Shishi, right?"

"What a strange question, Himura-chan," she said. "Of course they do. Why do you ask?"

"I mean, we're all here for the same reason, right? To help create a new era of peace and justice?"

Okami thought about that for a moment. "Some of the men fight for that," she said, "but to be honest, some of them are probably in it just because they hold a grudge against a lord or because they like the pay. Who knows what they're really thinking. Does it matter?"

"Probably not," he said, but he found the answer troubling. It hadn't occurred to him that not everybody would be fighting for the sake of an ideal. Where would that place the loyalty of those who were not?

It was with his mind in turmoil that he went to dinner, hoping to talk to Katsura and Katagai about it, but they had not yet returned from their meetings, and the rest of the Chousu men, who had gone with them, had not returned either. Not knowing anyone else, and not being sure now of where he stood with these other men, Kenshin found an empty corner and sat down. He studiously avoided the eyes of Shinzu Tora. Eventually, a few men came to join him. He nodded to them warily. Then he tensed, fearing the worst, as Kishi and Yuka came by with the food. Luckily, they said nothing.

"Hey, kid, don't be so nervous," said one of the men, whose name was Yoshida. "We're all friends here."

"Himura Kenshin," Kenshin responded, nodding once again.

"Listen, thanks for putting that prick in his place earlier today," Yoshida said.

"What?" Kenshin asked.

"Shinzo Tora," said Yoshida's friend Sato, as he motioned over to the other side of the room. "We heard what you did. That guy deserved it. He's an arrogant bastard, and he got even more arrogant after he killed that hitokiri last week. Thinks he's the gods' gift to swordsmen or something, just because he trained at the same school as Katsura-san. He got plenty jealous yesterday when he saw you practice."

"Ah," Kenshin responded. That certainly explained things.

"Don't worry about it," added Yoshida's other friend, Tanaka. "There's a rotten apple in every barrel, and as far as most of us are concerned"—he waved his arm around the room to show he meant everyone—"he's it. It's just a shame he really is that good with a sword, or we'd have him out of here. But enough of him—why don't you join us after dinner and meet some of the other men. We're gonna play dice, gamble a little. Whaddya say?"

Kenshin agreed, feeling much better than he had before, but still not feeling secure in his new home.

It turned out to be about 10 men who joined them for dice after dinner, and seeing a mere youth among them gave them visions of easy winnings. As the dice passed to Kenshin, however, their visions evaporated—it seemed that every time he threw the dice, he predicted the outcome accurately, even after being plied with sake. After seven consecutive wins, he had amassed enough winnings to purchase that hat Shozo had suggested and then some. Noting the unhappy faces surrounding him, Kenshin decided perhaps it was time to call it a night.

As he gathered his winnings and rose to leave, Yoshida came over to him and said, "I've never, in my entire life, seen a winning streak like that. How'd you do it?"

"I just watch the numbers at the start, then calculate the trajectory and the speed," Kenshin said. "Doesn't everybody do that?" He could tell from Yoshida's face that Yoshida didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about. "It's what my shishou taught me," Kenshin added helpfully. Yoshida just shook his head. 

Kenshin started heading upstairs, but as he did so, he could feel a flash of ki from some of the gamblers. He had the sinking feeling that he may have unwittingly made a few more enemies—an uncomfortable thought to have just before going to sleep. When his temporary roommate, Katagai, returned that night, he found Kenshin asleep not on his futon, but sitting in a corner, knee up and katana resting against his shoulder.

____________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Ohayou: Good morning.

Tokugawa: the family that had been Shoguns since the 1600s.

Daimyo: feudal lord.

Ishin Shishi: name for the anti-Shogunate faction.

****

Author's Note: First, a big thank-you to my CoConspirator, who has been invaluable in helping me with this story, especially her astute observation that Kenshin (throughout the manga) must be truly baka not to realize that his hair is a dead giveaway as to who he is! 

Just so you all know, I've never been to Kyoto, but I have read Fodor's and Frommer's travel guides, and yes, the Tokugawa did have a castle in Kyoto that still stands, and yes, it was built to put the emperor's to shame. Another historical note: Only samurai had surnames until 1870, when the Meji government decreed that everyone should have surnames. As for the colors for the Mimiwarigumi and Satsuma clan, I made that up (if anyone knows for sure what colors they wore, I'll plug it in!). And as for how Kenshin manages to predict the throw of the dice, if only I knew! But this seemed as good an explanation as anything else….

And many thanks for the reviews, Calger 459, haku baiku, and Akai Kitsune!

****

CoConspirator's Note: *blush* I'm not that great, really!! I just find it rather amusing that, even after ten years of wandering, Kenshin can still wonder how his enemies recognize him when you can see his hair from about three miles away. ^_^ Well, I'll see you in the next chapter.


	3. chapter 3

Shaken by his encounter with the jealous Shinzu Tora, Kenshin faces his third day in Kyoto not knowing whether he can trust the men he must live with. The day brings more answers and more lessons in life, but what he learns is not necessarily comforting. (You, however, may learn some more secrets about Hiko.)

Sad to say, I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They spring from the fertile imagination of Watsuki Nobuhiro and are trapped in the clutches of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates, who own all the copyrights. 

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 3

When Kenshin awoke the next morning, he was surprised to find a blanket covering him. He remembered deciding to sleep sitting up, but he was sure he hadn't bothered with a blanket. 'Must have been Katagai,' he decided. The older man had been very fatherly towards him ever since they left Chousu. He quietly got up and stretched his muscles. It wasn't as if he had never slept sitting up like this before—he and Hiko had done it many a time during his tracking lessons in the forest—but his muscles nevertheless felt a bit stiff. 

He eyed the packet of new clothes Okami had delivered yesterday and decided he'd wear them today. His own clothes were in desperate need of washing, and the thought of clean clothes appealed to him. He wasn't quite ready, however, to put on the blue of the Chousu, so he took out the used green gi the seamstress's son had outgrown. It was, indeed, a bit big on him. 'That kid must be a giant,' Kenshin mused ruefully as he looked at the sleeves hanging down to his fingertips.

Next he took out the grey hakama, which was folded and tied neatly into a square. He undid the tie, shook out the fabric, and stared. It was beautifully made, but it looked wide enough to fit him and about two other men. Figuring that this had something to do with the way the hakama tied, he slipped it over his legs and tried doubling the ties around his waist. Not right. He tried catching fabric between the two ties and then doubling it around his waist. Still no luck, and what was he supposed to do with that crazy flap in the back anyway? He decided to just wear his own peasant pants for now and tackle the puzzle of hakama-tying later. He had taken so long fooling around with the hakama, in fact, that he found Okami already in the kitchen.

"Ohayou, Himura-chan!" she called out cheerily. "Nice gi you've got there—looks good with that red hair of yours."

Kenshin blushed slightly. "Thank you, Okami-san," he managed. Then he went to fetch the firewood and the water.

When he returned, Okami said, "I hear you cleaned out the men last night at dice."

"Oh, they told you about that, did they?" Kenshin said with a small smile.

"Seems you're a man of many talents," she laughed.

"If I'm so talented," Kenshin said, "how come I can't figure out something as simple as tying hakama!" Then, looking to make sure no one was around, he said in a low voice, "I don't suppose you know how to do it, do you?"

"Me? Heavens, no!" Okami said. "Why don't you ask one of the men—I'm sure one of them would be glad to show you."

Kenshin lowered his gaze. "I couldn't do that," Kenshin said softly. "They already make fun of my age, my hair—it would just be something else for them to laugh about."

"Oh, I see what you mean," she said. "Well, let me see what I can do about it." He gave her a thankful look.

Kishi and Yuka came in not long after, and much to Kenshin's relief, they merely said good morning and left him alone. He busied himself with chopping vegetables, stirring the soup, and helping Okami make rice balls. He found it very relaxing after the mental anguish of the previous day and the problem of the hakama this morning. 

Finally, it was time for breakfast. As he left the kitchen, he was surprised to find Yoshida waiting for him. 

"Himura," Yoshida said in practically a whisper, "got a favor to ask." He started leading Kenshin into the dining room. "Remember that technique you told me about last night for predicting the dice? Think you could teach it to me?"

"I suppose," he answered, surprised that anyone would want to learn anything from him, "although it takes a lot of concentration and practice."

"Yeah, well, I really want to learn," Yoshida pressed, but he shushed Kenshin before he could say anything else because his friends Sato and Tanaka had come to the table. "Not a word to them, hear?" he whispered.

It was his first breakfast eating with someone other than Katsura, Katagai, and the Chousu contingent, and he felt that maybe he was beginning to feel a little bit more at home here. Still, he studiously avoided the eyes of Shinzu Tora, the man who had challenged him the day before. After finishing breakfast, he promised to teach Yoshida about the dice once he got his laundry taken care of.

With that in mind, he headed upstairs to his room to gather his dirty things. As he was doing so, Katsura walked in and picked up the package with Kenshin's new blue gi and grey hakama. 

"I see you've received your uniform," Katsura said as he inspected the garments. "Junko-san must like you—big hems."

"She said something about growing room," Kenshin replied, somewhat embarrassed.

"Well, now that you've got the uniform, let's make sure you know how to tie your hakama." As he said it, Katsura started untying his own hakama. Kenshin just stared, dumbfounded. "Come on," Katsura laughed, "just put your legs in the hakama and do what I do."

Kenshin did as he was told. As Katsura slowly started retying his own hakama, Kenshin followed his movements; his hakama was now tied properly.

"Now, Himura, untie it and do it once by yourself." Kenshin did as he was told, and miracle of miracles, his hakama was once again tied properly. 

"Don't worry, it'll become second nature pretty soon," Katsura said reassuringly. "There's a fancy way to fold them up, too, but I wouldn't worry too much about that."

Kenshin bowed low to the floor, pouring forth profuse thanks. Katsura laughed, pulling Kenshin up by his arm.

"That's quite enough of that!" he said. "Now, tell me what progress you've made learning the city. It's crucial that you learn it quickly."

"Well, I've already learned the layout of this entire area," Kenshin replied, "and I've figured out the pattern of back alleys in the imperial district…" Katsura's eyebrows shot up in surprise at that. "…. so I thought I'd strike out on my own today and investigate the rest of the city out to the edge of town. But what I really need to do is go out at night—everything will look different then."

"Just so, just so," Katsura agreed. "However, Himura, I must ask that you be very careful at night, when the streets are most dangerous. Not that I think you can't defend yourself---" he said that quickly as he saw Kenshin ready to cut in---"but because you're a secret right now. No one here knows of you or your style, and if there were a confrontation, there's no question that you would prevail. Then there would be evidence of your skills, and it's essential to our plan that you remain a secret. For that reason, you might not want to wear the Chousu blue just yet—it'll attract unwanted attention from certain quarters, if you know what I mean."

"Katsura-san, just what is the plan?" Kenshin pressed. "What is my job? If I don't get something to do pretty soon, I'll go stir crazy."

"We should have things nailed down by the end of today's meetings," Katsura answered. "Until, then, please—use extreme caution whenever you're out, especially at night."

Kenshin nodded his assent. "And thanks for the lesson, Katsura-san." 

As soon as Katsura left, Kenshin grabbed his laundry and ran downstairs to find a bucket, some soap, and some water. He wanted to finish quickly so he could teach Yoshida and still get out into the city before lunch. As he rushed by Okami, he yelled out, "Thanks, Okami-san!" He knew exactly who it was who had arranged for that hakama-tying lesson!

Grabbing a bucket and some soap from the kitchen, he headed out into the courtyard to get his laundry done. As he settled into the rhythm of scrubbing, his mind wandered back to his conversation with Okami the day before about the reasons the men here had joined the Ishin Shishi. He decided that if the opportunity arose, maybe he'd ask Yoshida why he joined, just to see what the answer would be. 

It turned out he didn't have to wait long—Yoshida found him as he was finishing up. As his new friend sat watching him rinse the soap from his clothes, Kenshin asked, "What brought you to the Ishin Shishi, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Who, me?" Yoshida replied. "Geez, I don't know. I was a ronin, and I guess I heard that Kyoto was the place to earn some money, so I came. That was about four months ago. Why?"

"Oh, nothing, just curious," Kenshin said. "So why the Ishin Shishi and not the Bakufu?"

"Oh, that's simple," Yoshida answered. "I was over in the pleasure quarters—you been there yet? No? Well, you should! Anyway, who do I run into but Tanaka and Sato! We used to know each other back in Hagi, see, but I became a ronin—gambling debts to escape, if you know what I mean. They told me about Katsura's group and told me about the pay, so here I am. After all, we have the honor of Chousu to uphold!"

"What about the others—Shinzu, for example?" Shinzu's challenge from the day before still worried him.

"That prick? Pfeh! He's just out for glory, pure and simple. He thinks he's so great, being a master from the same dojo that Katsura studied at, but to tell you the truth, I think he'd throw everyone over if it meant more glory for him. He struts around like a peacock, that one does."

"And the notion of bringing a new era of peace and justice?" Kenshin asked as he dumped out the rinse water.

"Well, sure, that's what we're all fighting for—death to the Shogunate, and all that," Yoshida laughed. He took the empty bucket from Kenshin and started carrying it back to the inn.

'Well, that was enlightening,' Kenshin thought somewhat dejectedly as he gathered up his now clean clothes. This conversation had not calmed his mind at all.

He and Yoshida now headed up to his room so he could teach him the Hiko method of predicting dice. All his life, Kenshin had pretty much assumed that he was, as Hiko regularly reminded him, a baka deshi—dense as they came—but now he was beginning to think that maybe he wasn't so dumb after all. As he patiently explained how to calculate trajectory and spin to his friend, he could see Yoshida's eyes glazing over. He tried showing him every method he could think of to help him understand even the most basic concept of predicting dice, but no success. He might as well have been trying to teach a rock as teach him.

"Himura," Yoshida finally said, "I give up. You make it sound so easy, but I just can't seem to see what you see. Anyway, I gotta go. I've got some things to take care of before tonight—we've been detailed to a mission, and it sounds pretty big. Say, when are you going to get assigned to something?

"I don't know," Kenshin said. "Katsura-san said something about maybe tomorrow. If I don't see you later, good luck."

Kenshin noticed that it was already past mid-morning, so he stopped by the kitchen to grab some food for lunch and then went out to explore more of Kyoto. His first stop—the small market area he had visited his first day with Okami, to buy a hat. What a great feeling to walk about now without attracting stares over his hair! He decided he'd have to find Shozo, the stable boy, some time and thank him for the idea.

With the hat taken care of, he decided to head west to the city limits. It turned out that the edge of the city was not that far away, and soon he was in an open area of meadows, small streams, and groves of trees, with the western mountains looming in the distance. As he walked out into this uninhabited area, he realized what was meant by the sound of silence—the silence was like a calming breeze, after all the noise and bustle of the city. It occurred to him that this might be the perfect place for him to come when he wanted to practice his kata—it was quiet, there were no prying eyes, and it had a landscape that was a comforting reminder of home. He looked around to check for signs of people having visited the area and saw only the tracks of some small animals; it was perfect. It was with great reluctance that he headed back to civilization.

After reaching the city limits once again, he headed south, then east as he followed a river that seemed to be leading into the city. The farther he went on this route, the poorer the dwellings seemed to be. From the houses and alleys he could hear angry wives yelling at deadbeat husbands and drunks brawling with each other. He instictively knew that conditions like this made it a breeding ground for violence, so he put himself on the highest alert for any hostile ki. Then he entered what looked like a warehouse district lining the river. He could see wagon upon wagon lined up outside these buildings while dozens of laborers loaded sacks of rice, barrels of goods, and whatnot. As he wandered the streets, he could see signs of past fighting—sword gashes and bullet holes in some walls, the remnants of dried blood here and there, and even scraps of fabric from some victim's clothing. Several buildings were apparently important enough that they had guards, most wearing the uniform of the Bakufu government. It was obvious that this was a neighborhood he needed to learn. 

It was while he was walking the back alleys of the warehouses that he sensed it—the hostile ki of two, maybe three men, and they seemed to be following him. To make sure he was right, he doubled back down an alley; he sensed that two men had doubled back as well. The buildings were a bit too tall for him to jump to the roof for safety, so he decided to turn the next corner and look for the nearest recessed doorway. As he did, however, he found himself face to face with the third man, who was armed with a knife.

"Boys shouldn't be wandering around without their mommies," the man sneered as he sized up his short, boyish-looking opponent. He unsheathed his knife and started to lunge at Kenshin.

Kenshin could sense that within seconds, the other two men would be at his back. He knew he had promised Katsura to keep himself and his fighting style a secret, but there was no question that he had to defend himself in some fashion. In an instant, he decided to attack using his sheathed sword. Faster than the eye could see, he pulled his sword, sheath and all, from his belt and flew forward at the man, hitting him under the chin with the hilt and knocking him backward. Then he whirled around, swinging the sword in a huge lateral arc just as the other men rounded the corner. The sheathed blade hit them in the chest, breaking their ribs and knocking them to the ground. As they cried out, Kenshin ran as fast as he could down another alley and away from the scene. By the time anyone arrived to find out what had happened, he was long gone. 

He got back to the inn late in the afternoon, so he went to his room to recover from the day's exertions and to clean up. Since no one was around, he also decided to spend some time practicing how to tie his hakama. It was a pain to do, he thought sourly, but he had learned from the short fight at the warehouse that hakama certainly afforded great freedom of movement. He decided it was well worth his time and effort to get it down right. 

Finally, it was time to go down for dinner. Yoshida and his friends had already left on their mission, as had a number of the other men, so he sat with some of the Chousu contingent. Soon, a player from the previous night's dice game, a man named Hamada, came by.

"Hey, Himura," Hamada said, "a friend and I are going to the pleasure quarters tonight to gamble and have a good time. Want to come?"

"No thanks," Kenshin replied.

"Come on, it'll be fun," the man pressed. "We could be a team at dice—you call the shots, we all split the money, and we make back what you won off us."

One of the Chousu men leaned over to Kenshin and said, "Go on, kid, have yourself a good time. You don't have to stay there all night."

He considered the proposal. The pleasure district, Gion, was the one place he hadn't explored yet, and it would be a good idea to do it at night. Perhaps he could go just to gamble and then leave when the other men went off to pursue other 'pleasures.' He agreed. 

So, after dinner, Kenshin, Hamada, and Hamada's friend Oono headed off for the Gion area. They regaled him with tales of their past amorous conquests; Kenshin just nodded quietly as his eyes took in the unusually narrow streets and odd-looking buildings. Finally, they arrived at a small inn. They appeared to be expected because three women, all with faces painted white, greeted them at the door by name and took each one by the arm. 

"Um, Hamada," Kenshin said, clearly unnerved by this, "I thought we were here just to play dice."

"Oh…yeah, sure," Hamada mumbled. Then he brightened up. "Hey, don't worry, it's all part of the service for us gamblers, right, Asagao?" The woman on Hamada's arm giggled in the most unnaturally high tone Kenshin had ever heard. The other two giggled in exactly the same high tone.

He was relieved, therefore, when the room they entered was filled only with other gamblers, all with women at their sides. For the next hour, they played dice, with Kenshin's skills raking in more than enough money for the three of them. Eventually, however, the gamblers started drifting away with their women until there were just Kenshin, Hamada, and Oono left, along with the three women. 

The woman who had been sitting with Kenshin, whose name was Yugao, started trailing her fingers along the back of his neck. He batted her hands away. Then she started tracing the line of his collarbone as she tried to part the collar of his gi. His now-distracted mind registered that his two companions and their women were walking out, leaving him alone with a woman who seemed to have on her mind something that recalled several of Hiko's more colorful lectures. 

His body was beginning to feel strangely uncomfortable, but he finally managed to say, "I really should be going." He tried to get up, but Yugao pushed him down until he found himself leaning back on his elbows. Now her hands were sliding along his legs. His eyes grew wide as he saw that she was going to try to kiss him. He bolted upright, knocking her to the floor.

"Yugao-dono! –san! –whatever!! Please! I'm only 14!!" he cried out, his face a violent shade of scarlet.

"Fourteen?" she repeated in surprise. The unnaturally high-pitched voice had turned into a normal woman's voice. "He told me you were 16."

"He? He who?"

"Shinzu-san, of course," she answered. "Just wait 'til I get my hands on that man…."

"Shinzu," Kenshin growled. He was beginning to think he was living in a nest of unpredictable wasps ready to sting. He turned to Yugao with a pained expression on his face. "That man has a grudge against me," he said slowly. "I'm guessing this must be his way of trying to play me for a fool. I'm sorry you got dragged into this. I'll just leave now."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Yugao replied. "Shinzu's already paid me to entertain you all night, and then I'm supposed to deliver you to your friends at dawn. If you leave now, they'll just make fun of you."

Kenshin realized, unhappily, that she was right. Yugao, seeing how uncomfortable and embarrassed Kenshin was, decided to take pity on him.

"Tell you what," she said. "Technically, you're too young to be here, but why not come to my room anyway and stay the night…"

"Please, Yugao, I'm really not…." Kenshin cut in.

Yugao laughed gently. "No, not for that. We'll sleep separately—I'll consider it a paid night off from work. Then, in the morning, you hook up again with your buddies. I have a feeling that will be a blow to Shinzu's grand plan, whatever that is."

Kenshin reluctantly agreed. He followed Yugao through the halls and past rooms filled with fevered moaning and groaning. 'Hiko's lectures come to life,' he thought grimly.

Her room was at the end of the hall so that noise only came through one wall. She pulled out a screen and went behind it, saying, "Make yourself comfortable while I change into my regular clothes. What's your name?"

"Himura Kenshin," Kenshin replied, still wary of this strange woman.

"Well, mine's Kumiko."

"I thought your name was Yugao," Kenshin said.

"That's just my work name. I don't tell many people my real name. You're underage—do your parents know you're here?"

"My parents died when I was five," Kenshin answered. He was getting tired of telling his story every time he met someone. "I've lived with my shishou since then, up in the mountains."

"Well, it was kind of his wife to take you in," Yugao said as she continued changing her clothes.

"Shishou, married?" Kenshin laughed. "He's too full of himself to let a wife into his life!"

"So," she said as she came out from behind the screen and sat down, "it was just you and your shishou up in the mountains?" She thought for a moment, then added, "It's just professional curiosity, of course, but exactly what did you two do up there—alone?"

"He spent every waking moment I had teaching me sword skills, what did you think?!" 

"This was not an old man, right? And he had no women?"

"Well…." Kenshin thought about that question. Hiko certainly had a huge stock of stories to regale Kenshin with. They seemed awfully detailed to have been made up, but where? when? Then he realized—those weekly trips to that young widow's farm; it wasn't just so that Kenshin could chop a week's worth of firewood for her while watching her two toddlers, was it. And all those extra trips to the village Hiko took—alone—last summer when the store owner's beautiful young niece was visiting? Baka deshi! He smiled at Kumiko. "I guess I just figured out his secret," he said.

That broke the ice. Now the two started trading stories, and Kenshin learned that Kumiko had been sold by her family to the owner of this inn when she was 13. "There were six kids, no money, and I was the oldest one, so off I went," she said matter-of-factly. That was 12 years ago. She had been a courtesan ever since, and she hated it.

"So why not leave?" Kenshin asked.

"And where would I go?" she answered bitterly. "Who would have me? No, this is what I'll do the rest of my life, and actually, it could be worse. I'm mostly my own boss, and there's at least a week every month I don't have to work, if I'm not pregnant."

"But if you hate it, how can you live with yourself?" he asked.

"Simple," she said. "When the white makeup goes on, I close off my real self and hide it away. I become someone else. When the makeup comes off, I lock that other person away and try to forget she exists. That's the only way to survive."

Kenshin had an inkling of what she meant, for he had done something similar after his family died—he had locked away his memories of his happy childhood. It was the only way he could survive the slavers, or even Hiko.

It was getting late, and he still wanted to explore more of the Gion area. Kumiko offered to go with him and showed him secret alleyways and hiding places known, she said, only to those who worked in her profession. "If you ever find yourself in a tight spot," she said, "don't ever hesitate to use them! Just let people know that Kumiko sent you." Then they returned to her room. Kenshin found a comfortable spot in a corner and slept sitting up, sword propped on his shoulder, while Kumiko settled down on the futon. 

At dawn, as planned, they went to fetch Hamada and his friend. It was clear that Hamada, who was still half-asleep, did not expect Kenshin to have stayed the night.

"You—you're still here? With her?" Hamada sputtered.

"Of, course," Kenshin answered with a smirk. "What did you expect?"

"But…. but Kishi…."

"Kishi what?" Kenshin asked evenly. Now things were beginning to make sense—leave it to those flirty kitchen girls to be involved in this. His smirk grew into a small smile. 

"She told Shinzu you wouldn't know what to do with a woman all night!" Hamada finally blurted out. "We had a bet!" His friend Oono now joined them blearily in the hall. He, too, was astonished to find Kenshin still at the inn.

Kenshin laughed. "She told you that, did she?" Then, in a suggestive tone, he added, "Ah, Kishi, a girl of intriguing charms, ne?" 

Now Kumiko started to laugh. Hamada and Oono stood, jaws hanging, not knowing what to say or think. Kenshin could just make out Hamada's words as the man muttered, "Wait 'till I get my hands on that bastard Shinzu…."

As Kenshin turned to leave, Kumiko took his arm and said softly, "Himura-san, you're a nice kid—we don't get many like you around here. Any time you feel like chatting, come on over and find me. Just make sure it's during the day, when I'm not working, ok? And be sure to ask for me by my real name."

He smiled and thanked her. Then he left by himself to return to the inn for breakfast.

****

Japanese Terms:

Ronin: masterless samurai.

Bakufu: name for the Shogunate (military) government.

Hagi: capital of the province of Chousu.

Baka deshi: stupid student.

Ki: a person's "aura."

Asagao and Yugao: They're named for flowers (Morning Glory and Moonflower).

****

Author's Note: Kenshin appears to have worn hakama when he was a child with the slavers, but not with Hiko. After so many years, I'm assuming he wouldn't remember how to tie the blasted thing (assuming an adult hadn't done it for him in the first place). There's a website that shows how to tie hakama—very confusing! Would Katsura, one of the top Ishin Shishi leaders and head of the Chousu clan, really show a rank newcomer how to do it? I decided that since he had obviously spent close time with Kenshin while traveling from Chousu to Kyoto and had gotten to know him well during that time, he actually would do something this personal. Don't agree? Sue me! Next chapter—Kenshin finally starts his job.

Many thanks to Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, haku baiku, and Akai Kitsune for the very kind reviews!

****

CoConspirator is busy writing school papers, though not too busy to put in her two cents on this story. She sends a * ^_^* to everyone.


	4. chapter 4

The harsh reality of life as an Ishin Shishi strikes home as Kenshin learns what his job is and is sent on his first mission.

It just kills me to say it, but I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They spring from the fertile imagination of Watsuki Nobuhiro and are trapped in the clutches of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates, who own all the copyrights.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 4

Kenshin arrived at the inn just as the sun began to appear over the horizon, only to find the place in a state of chaos. Men covered in dirt and blood sat or stood in the hallway, while others ran through the halls carrying bandages and yelling for hot water.

"What's going on?" Kenshin asked the first person he came to.

"Just got back from the mission," the man panted. "One man dead, two seriously wounded." Then he bounded away. 'Yoshida!' Kenshin thought instantly.

He took in the scene and immediately headed for the kitchen to help haul water. As he ran into the courtyard, bucket in hand, he saw Okami struggling to gather a large armload of wood to get the stove going. He tapped her on the shoulder, handed her the bucket, and said, "I'll take care of the wood—you get the pots and whatever else you need." She gave him look of heartfelt thanks. Within minutes, he had a good-sized pile of firewood next to the stove and had the first batch lit. Okami immediately started dumping buckets of water into the pots for boiling water.

Kenshin then went out into the hall to see if he could help and to see if his friend Yoshida was okay. He found him sitting near the dining room, holding a rag to a gash on his arm.

"Yoshida! Are you all right?" Kenshin asked as he came to his side. A quick glance showed that the wound was not serious. Nevertheless, he grabbed some bandages he saw lying nearby and scooped up some salve from a container being used by another man, then began applying the ointment to Yoshida's arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine, kid," Yoshida answered, "but Tanaka's got a bad wound to his stomach. Sato's with him now. I think he'll be okay, but he'll be out of commission for awhile."

"So what happened?" Kenshin asked as he began wrapping a bandage around the gash.

"We joined up with some of the other Chousu groups and raided a government munitions warehouse," Yoshida said. "They had a lot more guards than we anticipated, so it was a pretty tough fight. We won, though—we got the munitions. But we got attacked again while we were loading up the wagons. We still won, and now the munitions are all on their way to the mountains. And guess who's in command of the convoy!"

Kenshin had no idea. Yoshida smiled, saying, "Your buddy Shinzu Tora! You won't have to mess with him for at least a few weeks!" He looked down at the bandage Kenshin put on his arm. "Hey, kid, you did a pretty good job there. You learn this from that shishou of yours?"

"Yeah," Kenshin laughed. "He left nothing to chance. Gotta go." And with that, Kenshin took leave of his friend to help bandage the other men. Eventually, as things calmed down, he returned to the kitchen, figuring that Okami would need help getting breakfast going after losing all this time to the emergency. As he passed by Kishi and Yuka, who were already chopping vegetables, he leaned over to Kishi and whispered, "I had a great time last night," then went to offer his help to Okami. Kishi just stared after him, speechless.

Breakfast was served late to accommodate the men who needed time to get bandaged and cleaned up. Kenshin decided to sit with Yoshida, his friend Sato, and some of the other men who had been on the mission with them. Shortly after Kishi and Yuka brought the food, Katsura walked in and clapped his hands for attention.

"Men," he said, "I want to congratulate you all on a job well done. It was a difficult mission, but it was the essential first step in what we hope will be a major offensive against the Bakufu this winter. I expect the Shogun is not pleased with what happened last night…." —the men laughed at that— "so I'm guessing we may be in for some unpleasant retaliation in the near future. I suggest you all keep yourselves on high alert whenever you're out, whether it's on a mission or not—we can't afford to lose any of you. Good work!"

The men cheered as he finished his speech. As he walked out, he stopped behind Kenshin and said in a whisper, "Come find me after breakfast. It's time to talk." Kenshin nodded. Then Katsura left.

"What was that all about?" Yoshida asked.

"I think I'm about to find out what my job is," Kenshin said.

The men started chattering on about the mission, but Kenshin only half-listened. He was anxious to finish his meal and find out what Katsura had in mind for him. Out of the corner of his ear, however, he heard snippets of conversation.

"….just cold-blooded murderers, that's all," he heard someone say.

"Who's a cold-blooded murderer?" Kenshin asked as he chewed his food.

"Hitokiri, that's who," Sato answered. "You know what they are, don't you? Assassins? They're just cold-blooded murderers, if you ask me, and I heard a rumor they're going to billet one right here at this inn. I won't feel safe sleeping in my own bed if they do!"

The conversation went on with every horror story they had ever heard about a hitokiri, ending with tales of how the Shinsengumi supposedly killed their own men if there was even a hint of disloyalty. 'A violent place, Kyoto,' Kenshin thought idly.

He finished eating as quickly as he could, then went to find Katsura. He was in Okami's private room off the kitchen; Katagai and another man, whom Kenshin had seen once or twice in the dining room, were with him.

"Himura." Katsura acknowledged him and motioned for him to sit down. "Remember two weeks ago when you were still with the Kiheitai, and I asked if you had ever killed a man? You said no, but you were willing to do so if it meant it would help the Ishin Shishi bring an era of peace and justice to this country. Is that still your intention?"

"Yes, Katsura-san," Kenshin replied.

"Himura, we need you to do a job that is probably the most difficult a man can be asked to do. There are enemies of the Ishin Shishi—men whose very existence prevents us from bringing about the changes this country so desperately needs—who must be served with heaven's justice. They must be eliminated. Killed. We've been anxious to keep you and your skills a secret because the person who takes on this job must be a shadow—someone who comes in the night and leaves no trace behind. That means it must be someone whose skills are such that there will be no question as to what the outcome of an encounter will be. Someone whose skills are such that the application of heaven's justice will be swift and merciful. Someone who will be discrete about his activities and not divulge the nature of his actions. I knew when I saw your skills that you were the man we needed. It is difficult enough to take a man's life—there is no dishonor if you find you cannot do it under these conditions. Himura, will you accept this job?"

Kenshin bowed his head and sat, silent, as he let what Katsura said sink in. Then he gripped the hilt of his sword, looked up, and slowly said, "If, with this arm and this sword, I can help speed the coming of the new age, then I will do what you ask."

"Good," Katsura responded. After a moment's pause, he said, "Your first assignment will happen tonight." 

He stood to leave; Kenshin and the other two men stood with him. "Katagai and I, along with the rest of our group, will be leaving today. We've got to follow that convoy of munitions into the mountains and then take care of other business, but we'll be back in a few weeks. Until then, Iizuka…." –he nodded in the direction of the third man— "….will be your advisor, and he will give you your assignments. He is a trusted lieutenant of both myself and the other Chousu clan leaders, so when he speaks, you'll know he speaks with our authority." 

Then he clasped Kenshin about the shoulders. "Good luck, Himura," he said. And with that, he and Katagai left the room.

"Well, kid," Iizuka said with a smile, "I guess we'll be getting to know one another pretty well, huh? I've heard great things about your sword skills, and from what I saw the other day during your practice, I've got to say they weren't exaggerating!"

"Thank you," Kenshin said simply. His discerning eyes now focused fully on his new superior. The man was tall, with a pencil moustache and a ready, rakish smile, but there was something about his ki that didn't seem quite right, something Kenshin couldn't quite identify. 'No matter,' he thought. 'Katsura trusts him, that's enough for me.'

Iizuka felt Kenshin's eyes scrutinizing him and found it somewhat disconcerting, so he decided to make more conversation. "Yeah, you know, we tried before just to pick out some of our top swordsmen to be our hitokiri, but it never did work out…."

"Hitokiri?" Kenshin said before he could stop himself.

"Yeah, hitokiri—you know, your new job. Anyway, they were just clumsy and tended to talk too much—it didn't work out, so they've got a lot pinned on you and your skills."

Hitokiri. What the men at breakfast had been talking about. 'It's me,' Kenshin realized. 'I'm the hitokiri being billeted here permanently. But I'm no cold-blooded killer….,' and he hoped his new friends would realize this, too.

Iizuka pulled a black envelope out of his sleeve pocket and handed it to Kenshin. "Whenever there's an assignment for you," he said, "you'll get an envelope like this. In it you'll find the name of your target and the place you can expect to find him—sometimes even a time when you'll find him as well. Once you've announced why you're there, you strike silently and swiftly, then leave a note that says 'Heaven's Justice.' Then you leave the rest to me."

"The rest?" Kenshin asked.

"Well, we don't want you to leave any trace of what you've done for anyone to find, so me and a couple of the men will always be nearby to clean up after the fact. Go ahead and open the envelope now, in case you have any questions."

Kenshin did as he was told. In it was a note with a man's name, what the man looked like, the name of a shrine, and a suggestion of 8 p.m. "Who is this man?" he asked.

"It's not a good idea to know too much about your targets," Iizuka said, "but seeing as it's your first time, I'll tell you. He's the top Bakufu munitions dealer in Kyoto. It was his warehouse we stormed last night. You know where that shrine is?"

Kenshin had seen more shrines in the past three days than he had seen in his entire life—Kyoto seemed to be littered with them. He had no idea where this particular one was. "Don't worry," Iizuka said, "I'll draw you a map." He quickly scrawled directions on a piece of paper and handed it to Kenshin. "Now go rest up for tonight, okay? Oh, and the paymaster'll be here this afternoon—you can pick up your first week's pay." Kenshin bowed and left the room. 

Hitokiri. The word kept spinning in his mind. Well, he was no murderer—he would just be handing out heaven's justice. And, no, he had never killed a man before, but he certainly had seen enough death. 'I can handle this,' he said to himself as he tried to calm the butterflies that seemed to have taken up vigorous residence in his stomach.

In fact, the butterflies were so vigorous he decided to find that uninhabited meadow outside the city and practice his kata, the one thing he knew would calm him and center him for what lay ahead of him tonight. He went upstairs to his room to get his hat and found Katagai packing his things.

"Himura," Katagai said in a concerned voice, "are you sure about taking on this job?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Kenshin replied in voice that showed more confidence than he really felt. "Anyway, I've given my word to Katsura-san, and I will not go back on it."

"You're a very idealistic young man," Katagai said. "I admire that. Don't ever lose that idealism."

"Thank you, Katagai-san. I'll try not to," he replied. "Have a safe journey." Then he grabbed his hat, bowed, and left to find his peaceful spot in the countryside.

When he arrived there, he lay down in the grass and just stared at the sky. He thought back to the time when his family died of cholera, to the time when he was taken by the slavers, and to that fateful day when everyone in the slavers' band was slaughtered except for him. Now he was strong enough to do something about the cruel system that had created such misery. He got up feeling a great sense of purpose and went to a nearby grove of trees. He started practicing his kata, losing himself in the sheer physical joy of wielding his sword in the prescribed patterns. As he progressed to each higher level, he reveled in the sensation of flight as he leaped and soared, slashing with his sword as he did so. Finally, as a release for all the energy, he finished with the earth-shattering Do Ryu Sen. He was done, and everything felt right about the world. He knew he could do this job. He was ready.

He looked at the sky and saw that it was already midday. Needing to eat but also needing to locate the shrine, he decided to grab a quick lunch at some noodle stand and then find the shrine so he'd know where to go tonight. Looking at the rough sketch Iizuka had provided, he saw that the shrine was on the far northeast side of the city, probably a good hour's walk from where he was and probably at least 45 minutes from the inn itself. He decided to eat at the marketplace near the inn. As he stood eating his lunch of noodles, he thought of the most efficient route to the other side of town. Then he took off, noting potential escape routes as he got closer to the shrine, just in case. 

The shrine itself turned out not to be one of those huge, ornate confections that he had seen all over town, but a simple one surrounded by trees. He was glad—for some reason, he felt it would be harder to carry out this assignment if it were at one of the grander shrines. He walked all around the grounds, getting a feel for the lay of the land. He decided he would come back about an hour before the suggested time and hide in a tree just outside the shrine gate. He would get a clear view from there and would be able to see his intended target well before the man would reach his own location. With that settled, he headed back to the inn.

The inn was bustling once again, but this time with happy, not wounded, soldiers holding their pay packets. The paymaster was in the process of closing up when he spotted Kenshin, who had just taken off his hat.

"Hey, you with the red hair—you Himura?" the man called out. 

Kenshin winced. "Yes," he answered. When were they going to stop with the hair!

"Don'tcha want your pay?" He held out a packet with Kenshin's name on it. Kenshin just stared at it. "What's the matter? Ain'tcha never seen a pay packet before?" 

'Actually, no,' Kenshin thought to himself, a smile creeping over his face. To the paymaster, however, he said only, "Thanks—thanks very much!" and he hurried off to his room to see how much money was there.

The room seemed lonely and empty without Katagai's things, but Kenshin was actually glad, deep down, to have the privacy—he needed to keep that feeling of calm and purpose he had achieved out in the meadow. He looked at his pay packet and was somewhat amazed at what he considered a huge sum of money—certainly enough to cover noodles for lunch every day, if he wanted, and maybe if he saved some of it, enough to buy another gi someday. 'So many changes in so short a time,' he mused. Only two months ago he was with Hiko, arguing. Now, in the space of 60 days, he had left Hiko, joined the Kiheitai, come to Kyoto, learned how to live in a city (and fend off women!), been paid with real money, and been given a job that had been called one of the most difficult and important. It was all too much for his calm state of mind. He decided he'd ask Okami for some food to take with him so he could eat dinner alone, back at the meadow, and clear his mind once more. This was no time to be distracted! He quickly changed into his official blue gi—he already was wearing the gray hakama—and went downstairs to ask.

In the kitchen, Okami was already starting work on dinner, even though it was more than an hour before dinnertime. She looked up to see Kenshin in his uniform.

"Well! That uniform certainly looks dashing on you, Himura-chan," she said heartily.

"Oh.…thanks very much," Kenshin sputtered. He hadn't expected a comment about his clothes! Then he got to the point. "Okami-san, tonight I have my first assignment, and I thought I might like to be by myself for dinner," he said. "Do you have anything I could box up and take with me?"

Okami thought for a moment and said, "You know how to cook, don't you, Himura-chan?" He nodded yes. "Well, I've already cut up some fish and tofu for dinner. The stove's hot, so you could just take some and cook it up however you'd like. I can give you some carrots and daikon and such to go with it, and I can take some of the rice I've already cooked and make some rice balls. How does that sound?"

It sounded perfect to him, so he set about cooking the fish and tofu. As the two of them stood in the kitchen cooking, Okami looked at him and thought he still looked too young to be a soldier. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer.

"Himura-chan," she said, "tell me the truth—are you _really_ 14?"

Kenshin chuckled. "Yes, Okami-san, I really am 14."

They worked together again in silence for a few more minutes. Then Okami said, "Himura-chan, are you nervous about tonight?"

Kenshin hesitated a moment before answering. "Yes, I am," he finally said.

In less than half an hour, Kenshin had finished cooking the fish and tofu and had cut up some vegetables to go with it; Okami packed it all in a paper box, along with the rice balls she had made. She handed him the box and said, "Good luck tonight."

"Thanks, Okami-san," he replied, and he left for the evening.

Upon arriving back at the meadow, he decided to head for the grove of trees where he had practiced earlier in the day. It being autumn, the leaves had started to turn from green to vibrant shades of yellow, orange, and red. He sat under a tree and looked up, enjoying the riot of colors that presented themselves. Idly, he took his sword and gently swished it against the lower branches, causing a small blizzard of leaves to fall on his head. Yes, this was the ideal place to come for calm reflection before undertaking this first, unnerving assignment.

After sitting awhile lost in thought, he opened his dinner box and found that Okami had packed a small surprise for him—the rice balls were shaped like little rabbits, with carrot slivers for feet, pea pods for ears, and a small pea for a tail. He had never seen anything like it. 'I'll have to try doing that sometime,' he smiled to himself. It was a nice feeling to know someone cared.

After finishing his dinner, however, he started to get antsy. He looked at the sky and figured he still had a good hour before he had to leave for the shrine. He got up and walked through the grove. When he came to the gash in the earth he had created during his practice earlier in the day, he kicked the dirt and rubble back into it. He pulled out his sword and swung a few practice arcs. Still he felt somewhat nervous and on edge. Finally, he grabbed the sword with both hands and gave a mighty swing, felling a small tree in the process. The feeling of resistance, the feeling of cutting through—this was what he needed to remember for later tonight.

Now he decided it was time to take the long walk to the shrine. The sun was going down, so he kept himself on high alert. Only twice did he feel the presence of hostile ki. Both times he managed to find a hiding place; both times it was a group of men who seemed to be acting as bodyguards for someone among their group. Otherwise, he arrived at the shrine without incident and jumped easily into a tree near the shrine gate. Now all he had to do was wait.

The moon was full, shedding a bright, silvery light on the world as twilight deepened. Kenshin listened to the cicadas singing as he awaited—what? His prey? What an odd notion, to think of a human as prey, but this waiting, hidden, reminded him exactly of lessons Hiko had taught him for capturing game. No—he shook that thought from his mind—this was not an animal, this was a human. Concentrate, he told himself. His assignment was to deliver heaven's justice to a man, the man who provided the Bakufu with munitions. Heaven's justice… 

As he was preparing his mind in this way, he heard the rustling of leaves below him. He looked down and saw a man, alone, who fit the description of his target. Every fiber of his body on alert, Kenshin watched with keen eyes as the man walked towards him. The man walked through the shrine gate; Kenshin jumped down behind him, as silent as a ghost. In a soft voice, Kenshin said, "I am here to deliver Heaven's Justice." The man turned his head toward the voice, barely having time to register the fact that someone had said something before feeling a cold blade hit, cleaving him from head to toe. It was enough time, however, for Kenshin to catch a glimpse of the man's eyes—eyes that were wide with fear and anger before they became sightless.

Suddenly, the enormity of what he had just done hit him—he had, with his own hands, taken this man's life. This man was no more. He felt compelled to look up to the heavens, where one's soul went upon death. He stared at the full moon, thinking about that soul he had just sent to the gods. 'May you be happy in the afterlife,' he found himself thinking. Then he heard the sound of someone coming up the path—it was Iizuka with his men.

"You all right, kid?" Iizuka asked as he surveyed the body. "Hold yourself together, now. Some people go insane after their first job or make themselves sick, you know."

"No," Kenshin said quietly, "I'm fine. I'm stronger than I thought."

Iizuka took out the note proclaiming "Heaven's Justice" and then started helping his men clean up the area. Kenshin didn't wait for them to finish. Steeling his mind, he forced his feet to take step after step as he started the long walk back to the inn. He had killed a man. Katsura was right—it was the most difficult thing a man could be asked to do.

****

Japanese Terms:

Bakufu: name for the Shogunate military government.

Kiheitai: a private army in Chousu created by Takasugi Shinsaku, composed of farmers and the like rather than samurai.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Ki: a person's 'aura.'

Kata: the prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

****

Author's Note: In the OAV, Katsura tells Kenshin right off the bat what he wants him to do for the Ishin Shishi, but in the manga, he only asks Kenshin if he's willing to kill. I've gone with the manga. I also decided that even though Katsura talked about killing as the means to bring 'heaven's justice,' Kenshin would not, on his own, have associated that idealistic-sounding job with the word 'hitokiri.' Next time: major angst. 

Thanks to all my reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, haku baiku, Akai Kitsune, and Clarus. With such kind reviews, I always worry I will disappoint… but CoConspirator is trying hard to keep me on the right path (and, I think, doing a great job of it, too)!

****

CoConspirator's Note: I do my best, although it's a bit hard at times*glares* ^_^ just kidding!! Finally a little bit of action! Things are going to get a bit darker from here on… Next chapter—the aftermath!! See you there!! Comments and criticisms, as always, are welcome (many thanks to our wonderful reviewers).


	5. chapter 5

Kenshin's now carried out his first assignment. Will he be able to cope with the aftermath?

Can I cope with the fact that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin? Sadly, no. Still, I must confess that they spring from the fertile imagination of Watsuki Nobuhiro, and I am forced to admit that they are trapped in the clutches of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 5

Kenshin arrived back at the inn less than an hour after leaving the site of his mission. Had anyone noticed him as he walked back? Had anything happened along the way? It was all a blur to him, for he had concentrated solely on placing one foot in front of the other; the rest of his mind seemed to be blocked off. He entered the inn, and if anyone saw him or said hello, he didn't notice that, either—he just went straight to his room and slid the shoji closed. He headed for the far corner of the room and slumped down onto the floor. 

That's when he noticed his clothing—his gi and hakama were covered with blood. Now his mind started working again, and he started retching. It was blood, a man's blood, the blood of the man _he_ had killed. The enormity, the finality of the act he had committed was overwhelming. In a sudden frenzy, he started pulling off his clothes as if they were on fire, throwing them in a heap far away from him. Then he scrambled to find his old clothes and put them on. 

It felt comforting to put on his old gi and pants, even though somewhere in his mind he realized that they were, indeed, a bit too small for him. They reminded him of his innocent past, and yes, it was now his past. Somewhere in the turmoil that was his consciousness, he realized that with the act of killing a man, he had made a sudden break with his previous life, that he was no longer a child, and he was no longer innocent. Yes, he had seen death before, he had even seen Hiko kill a man once, when they were attacked on a trip. He had wondered then why Hiko had become so uncharacteristically silent after it happened. Now he knew. Hiko, who had taught him more than he ever wanted to know about so many things, had not taught him about this, about the aftermath of killing a man. It was the eyes, he realized. It was seeing a person's eyes alive with light and fire and anger one moment, then suddenly seeing the eyes go blank the next, like a lantern whose flame has been snuffed out. Lifeless eyes. He retched again.

He sat this way for he didn't know how long as his mind came to grips with the night's events. Finally, as he stared at the heap of bloody clothes, he realized he had to pull himself together. The clothes needed washing; _he_ needed washing. He figured it must be pretty late because he heard very little noise coming from the other rooms, so he silently slid open the shoji and headed for the washroom off the kitchen. He grabbed a bucket, a washboard, and some soap, then headed for the well. In the dark, with only the light of the full moon, he washed the blood out of his clothes, wringing them out with more force than he really needed. The thought that he needed a second pair of hakama, if he was to do this kind of work, wandered through his mind. Then he headed for the bath. He didn't even bother lighting a fire—he just wanted to get clean and go back to his room and go to sleep.

His sleep, however, was not peaceful. Dreams of death, of the slavers, of the man's eyes haunted him, causing him to toss and turn and awaken several times before he finally managed to achieve a deep sleep. He didn't awaken at dawn as he usually did—it wasn't until he heard the sounds of men going down for breakfast that he finally awoke. He had no appetite, however, and no desire to be around anyone else. He just sat in his room, looking out the window and wondering how men lived with themselves after killing someone.

Okami was somewhat surprised not to find Kenshin in the kitchen—it had only been four days since the boy had arrived, but already she had gotten used to having his company in the early morning hours. She remembered, though, that he had a mission the previous night—his first one—and figured he must have gotten back late and therefore slept late. But when she didn't see him at breakfast either, she began to worry. No healthy 14-year-old boy would willingly skip breakfast! She had come to feel rather motherly towards him, so she gathered up some leftovers and some tea, and carried it up to his room on a tray. 

When she got there, she knocked gently at the door. No answer. She knocked again. "Himura-chan?" she called softly. Still no answer. She decided to quietly open the shoji just a little to see if he was asleep. He was sitting in the far corner, staring out the window. As she called his name a third time, he slowly turned to look at her. His eyes, she noted, lacked their customary sparkle.

"Himura-chan, are you all right?" Okami asked gently.

"Hai," he answered in a monotone. She was not convinced.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she pressed. 

"I'm fine," he answered, as he turned to look out the window again.

"I've brought you some breakfast, in case you're hungry," she said, hoping to rouse him just a little. 

"Thanks," he said without looking at her, "but I'm not hungry."

"Well, I'll just leave it here, in case you change your mind." 

There was definitely something wrong. His eyes—what was it she saw in his eyes? Sadness? Grief? Both? Something must have happened, she knew. As she returned to the kitchen to clean up after breakfast, the thought occurred to her that no matter what had happened, what he needed was some company to lighten his mood, and she knew just whom to ask. She quickly finished cleaning up and then headed over to the stable to see if Shozo the stableboy could be spared for a few hours. The two boys seemed to enjoy each other's company the other day, she reasoned, so who better to cheer Kenshin up? 

Less than an hour later, Shozo mounted the stairs to Kenshin's room and knocked loudly on the door.

"Himura?" he called out. "You in? It's me, Shozo!"

No answer. He knocked again.

"Hey, Himura, it's Shozo! Can I come in?" he called again. This time he heard the sound of footsteps coming towards the shoji. The door slid open a bit.

"Shozo?" Kenshin said as he peered out. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, you won't believe this, but my uncle, Hideko, just gave me most of the day off!" Shozo slid the shoji wide open. "There's a great breeze outside—it's perfect kite-flying weather! Come on, you can borrow a kite, and we can have dueling kites!"

Kenshin turned back into the room. "No thanks," he said quietly. "I'm not up to it."

"Ah, come on, Himura, it's too nice a day to be cooped up inside! I've got a great place to fly kites down by the river."

"I don't think so," Kenshin said as he returned to his corner and stared out the window again. "Anyway, I don't know how to fly a kite."

"What? You don't know how to fly a kite? Where have you been all your life?!"

Kenshin couldn't help smiling just a bit as he answered, "I grew up in a forest on a mountain, remember?" He was finding Shozo's enthusiasm and good humor to be infectious. 

"Well, you can't go through life without ever flying a kite!" Shozo said with finality. He walked over to Kenshin and grabbed his hand to pull him up. "Come on!"

Kenshin let himself be led towards the door. As they neared it, Shozo caught sight of the breakfast tray Okami had left. "You haven't eaten yet?" he asked incredulously. "Better do that first!"

Now Kenshin realized that his stomach was empty—in fact, it was grumbling rather loudly—so he pulled out the tray and sat down to eat, offering some of the food to his friend. They polished off the meal, then headed for the stable.

Kenshin had been near horses before, but he really knew nothing about them. In the darkness of the stable, he could make out about 20 stalls and four curious noses peering out. Shozo walked up to the nearest horse and patted its nose.

"Have you ever been in a stable?" Shozo asked. When Kenshin said no, Shozo said gently, "Then you have to pet a horse's nose. It's the softest thing you'll ever feel."

He led Kenshin over to the horse, took his hand, and put it on the horse's nose. It was, indeed, the softest thing Kenshin had ever felt.

"This one's called Fearless," Shozo continued. "I think it's a joke, because she's scared of just about everything. We use her for carriages and such, although she's good with a beginner in a saddle." He found a piece of carrot and handed it to Kenshin. "Hold it out—she'll eat it." He did as he was told, and Fearless gathered up the carrot with her mouth. Kenshin chuckled at the slimy but gentle feel of the horse's lips. Then, as he turned to follow Shozo, he felt a strong nudge against his back, which sent him tripping forward into his companion. "I think she likes you," Shozo laughed.

They finally got to Shozo's little room at the back of the stable and gathered up the two kites. Then they walked until they came to the river. The breeze was, indeed, perfect for kite flying, and in no time Shozo had shown Kenshin how to get a kite up and flying. As Kenshin watched his kite swoop and soar, he felt his cares soar away with it. Soon the two boys were running through the grass laughing and shouting as they tried to knock each other's kites from the sky. When the breeze gave out, they walked along the river, Shozo telling Kenshin all about the horses at the stable and Kenshin showing Shozo how to skip stones across the water. By mid-afternoon, they were both hungry, and Shozo had to get back to help with the horses, so they returned to the stable. Kenshin felt whole again. As he turned to leave, he said, "Thanks, Shozo, for everything."

"For what?" Shozo asked.

"For showing me about horses and teaching me how to fly a kite." Then, after a pause, he added, "And for bringing me back to life." 

Shozo just laughed and waved as Kenshin returned to the inn. "Come back tomorrow," Shozo called after him. "Maybe you can try riding one of the horses!"

Kenshin was familiar enough by now with the inn's kitchen to know where he might find a snack, so he stopped in to grab a bite to eat and then headed back to his room. As he opened the shoji, he saw the gi and hakama drying by the window, reminders of what had transpired the night before. Being with Shozo, however, had worked its magic—he found he was able to push the whole affair to the back of his mind. He felt almost like his old self again. Going down for dinner, however, was another matter. It would be his first time with the men since starting his new job. He vividly remembered what his breakfast companions had said the day before about hitokiri, so when the time came, he decided to find a place to sit by himself. 

No sooner had he sat down than Iizuka walked up—about the last person Kenshin wanted to see at the moment, and certainly not who he wanted to share a meal with. Iizuka leaned down and patted Kenshin on the back. 

"Good job last night, Himura," he said with a broad smile. "You were cool, collected, and you did a clean job. I'm impressed."

Kenshin said nothing; he just bowed slightly to acknowledge that he heard. He was filled with relief as Iizuka walked away to join his own friends.

Not long after, Yoshida and his friend Sato came to join him.

"Say, Himura, where've you been?" Yoshida asked. "Didn't see you at dinner last night or at breakfast. Were you on a job already?"

"Couldn't be," Sato broke in. "I think only Hamada and his buddy Oono were out last night, with Iizuka."

Kenshin groaned inwardly. So that was who Iizuka brought with him—those clowns who had dragged him to the Gion district…. After a moment, he answered, "Katsura gave me a job to do by myself." He was afraid to say anything more.

Yoshida gave him an odd look, but then clapped him on the back and said, "So, now you're official, kid. We'll drink to that!" and the rest of dinner thankfully consisted of good food and amiable conversation.

After dinner, Kenshin wandered out into the courtyard and sat leaning against a post, thinking about kite flying and about his job. Yoshida followed him out and sat next to him.

"You look thoughtful," Yoshida commented. "Something bothering you?" 

Kenshin sighed. He sat quietly, staring at nothing in particular, as he collected his thoughts. Finally, still staring straight ahead, he said, "Yoshida, how did you feel the first time you killed a man?"

Yoshida sat silent for a moment, then said, "The first time, it was a battle, back in Chousu." His eyes took on a faraway look, as if he was seeing it all in his mind's eye. "This guy came at me, swinging a pike, of all things. I thought I was a gonner, but I swung my sword like I had never swung it before, and suddenly the man was dead. It was him or me—kill or be killed. I think I was sort of stunned. I don't know what I expected, but I didn't expect to feel it in my arms the way I did when I connected, and I didn't expect to see a man's innards spilled out when it was all over. I think I threw up. I don't throw up anymore, though."

The two sat in silence for awhile. Then Kenshin asked, "What if it wasn't a battle and he hadn't attacked you, but he was still the enemy."

Yoshida looked over at him; Kenshin was still staring straight ahead. "I don't know, kid. Could I kill someone just like that, in cold blood? I don't know. Why?"

Kenshin turned to look at him with haunted eyes. "Yoshida, remember yesterday when your friend said he heard a rumor that a hitokiri was going to be billeted here permanently? I'm the hitokiri. It's me. That's the job Katsura gave me. I started last night."

Kenshin went back to looking straight ahead. He heard Yoshida gasp, and he could feel Yoshida's eyes staring at him.

"Yoshida, I'm no cold-blooded killer."

"I know that kid, I know that," Yoshida said softly. Under his breath, he muttered, "Kami-sama."

They sat like that for several minutes, both lost in thought. Finally, Yoshida asked, "Was your job last night the first time you killed someone?"

Kenshin shook his head yes.

"You don't have to be a hitokiri, you know—Katsura could assign you to be a soldier like the rest of us."

Kenshin sighed again. "He told me someone has to deliver what he calls heaven's justice to those whose very lives stand in the way of bringing the new era we're fighting for. I told him I'd do it, if it meant that the new era would come that much sooner. I can't go back on my word."

"Kami-sama," Yoshida muttered again. Then he said, "Himura, you're a good kid. I like you. You've been given about the toughest job there is—I've seen it eat a man's soul. You might as well know right now that most of the men here, when they find out what your job is, will be scared to have anything to do with you. But I'll stick by you, I promise."

Kenshin turned to look at him again, this time with gratitude. "Thanks," he said simply.

He turned in early that night and, unlike the night before, he slept peacefully. He awoke, as usual, with the sun and went to the kitchen to fetch the firewood and water. It felt comfortable doing these familiar chores; it helped him forget that everything had changed. 

When Okami walked in and saw him, she was elated. 

"Ah, Himura-chan, I'm so glad to see you're feeling better!" she said as she went to put her pots on the stove. 

"Ohayou, Okami-san," he replied, but Okami noted that his voice did not have quite the cheery ring it had before.

A few minutes later, Kishi and Yuka arrived. When they saw Kenshin, they stopped dead in their tracks. His back was to them, but he could hear frantic whispers going back and forth. Finally, Kishi pushed Yuka toward him. He turned to her and said, "Is there something I can do for you, Yuka-san?"

Yuka seemed frozen to the spot, fear written all over her face. "H-Himura-san, we know who you are," she finally managed to say.

"What?" he asked, totally confused.

Yuka was now in a panic. In a rush of words, she blurted out, "Hamada told us everything—you're a hitokiri, and we're both really sorry we annoyed you the other day, and we really didn't mean anything by it!" Then she ran to the other side of the room.

"Girls, what have I told you about gossiping!" Okami said angrily, ready to chew them out, but Kenshin cut her off.

"It's not gossip," he said softly. "It's the truth."

"What?!" Okami could not believe her ears. 

"I'll leave now, if you want," Kenshin said in a barely audible voice.

"Himura-chan, you stay right where you are," Okami said sternly. Then, turning to the girls, she said even more sternly, "Girls, if this is true, Hamada-san had no business telling you. You know we are all sworn to secrecy here, and what Hamada-san told you, if it got beyond these walls, could mean the difference between life and death for Himura-chan, and I will not have it! Do you understand?"

They both nodded solemnly.

"As for you, Himura-chan, I have a few choice words to bestow on our beloved Katsura-san! How dare he ask someone your age to do this kind of work!"

Kenshin was surprised, though somewhat comforted, by her anger. Still, he needed to tell her the truth. "Okami-san," he said, "it's not his fault. He asked me to bring 'heaven's justice' to enemies of the Ishin Shishi, and I agreed. I can't go back on my word."

Okami's expression was a mixture of pain and pride. She nodded in understanding, then handed him some vegetables to chop. "Like I said the other day, I can use all the help I can get in this kitchen. You'll stay!"

Kenshin went back to chopping vegetables with a somewhat lighter heart.

Shortly before breakfast was to be served, there was a pounding on the door of the inn. It was a runner from another Chousu rooming house. As the men trooped into the dining room to eat, Iizuka and the runner called for attention.

Brandishing the letter and its prominent seal, Iizuka said, "Narahashi here has just come from Miyabe-san with emergency orders. The Bakufu plans today to raid the neighborhoods in Kyoto that are known to have Ishin Shishi sympathies. They're looking for the men who stormed the munitions warehouse the other night…"—he gave a wicked grin—"…and whoever killed the owner of that warehouse."

The men cheered at the part about the warehouse, but started muttering among themselves about the warehouse owner—they knew _they _hadn't killed him. Kenshin, who was sitting with Yoshida and Sato, lowered his gaze. Yoshida noticed. He looked at Kenshin.

"You?" he whispered. 

Kenshin nodded imperceptibly.

"Kami-sama!" Yoshida muttered.

"So," Iizuka continued, "we need to make this place look like a normal inn. Anyone in an even-numbered room, pack up your stuff—Okami'll hide it under the floorboards. The rest of you sign the guest book with fake names. And no uniforms! Bring them down to the kitchen—we'll hide them in the rice sacks. And all of you, except Himura, will be assigned to small groups to fan out into the neighborhood to protect the residents from the Bakufu soldiers. No fighting or killing if you can avoid it! Himura, you'll stay here to protect Okami-san and the inn—you can pretend you're her son or something."

"That's rich—a hitokiri pretending to be Okami-san's son!" It was Hamada, a sneer in his voice.

Now the muttering grew louder as the word 'hitokiri' sunk in. Kenshin could feel Sato shrink away from him, and he could feel the eyes of the others boring into him.

Iizuka was livid. "Hamada, you're a god-damned loudmouth," he shouted, sparks flying from his eyes. 

"I didn't mean anything by it…." Hamada stuttered. He knew what this meant—he was going to be shipped off to the hinterlands, if he lived that long.

"That information, need I remind all of you, does not go beyond these walls!" Iizuka added angrily. 

The room emptied out quickly as the men ran off to learn their assignments and to empty their rooms. Kenshin, being in an even-numbered room, had very little to gather up, other than his uniform, spare green gi, and an oversized haori for the winter. He decided to wear his hat to hide his red hair. As for his swords, how would Okami explain how her 'son' came to own them, let alone know how to use them? He decided to hide them behind the woodpile by the stove. In less than an hour, more than two-dozen uniforms had been stuffed into partially filled rice bags, personal belongings had been hidden under floorboards in the kitchen and the storage shed, and no one would have guessed that the inn had ever had more than eight guests, let alone a large contingent of rebel soldiers. The men took off for their various posts throughout the area, leaving Kenshin, Okami, Kishi, and Yuka alone to await a likely visit from the Bakufu.

The morning dragged on. What Okami really needed to do was some food shopping, but she didn't dare leave the inn. Kishi and Yuka went to do the wash, but they were so nervous they kept dropping the clean clothes on the ground. Kenshin, meanwhile, had nothing to do all, so he jumped up onto the roof to keep an eye out for anything unusual. 

Lunchtime came and went. The waiting was unbearable. Now Kishi and Yuka decided that it was all a huge lark and started giggling and gossiping about their nighttime activities. Kenshin, however, was tense. He could sense hostile ki coming closer and closer. He could sense that there were some small fights—probably not sword fights, he decided, but fights nonetheless—not far away. Finally, around mid-afternoon, he hopped down from the roof and sought out Okami. He still hadn't seen anything, but he knew they were coming. They had agreed earlier that when the time came, the girls would stay in the kitchen near the door to the outside, Okami would stay near the front desk, and Kenshin would stay in the courtyard. They all took their places.

Less than five minutes later, three soldiers burst through the door of the inn.

"By order of the Shogun, you will allow us to search this inn!" one of the soldiers shouted at Okami as he grabbed her arm and dragged her out the door.

"Why? I've done nothing!" she shouted back. She tried to go back inside, but the soldier roughly pushed her away from the door.

The three soldiers started searching around her front desk. When they found the money box, they opened it and started pocketing the money.

"Hey, get away from that!" she yelled.

The soldiers just laughed. One of them pulled out the guest register, counting up the names and finding only eight.

"We know this is a rebel hideout," one of the soldiers said threateningly, now pulling Okami back inside. "You're coming with us while we search the rooms."

Okami kept protesting that this was a respectable inn and that she had only eight guests, but two of the soldiers pulled her with them anyway. One of them unsheathed his wakizashi for good measure. The third soldier headed for the kitchen.

In the kitchen, meanwhile, Kishi and Yuka had heard the shouting, and now they were scared. They both grabbed pots and held onto them as weapons. As the soldier walked into the kitchen, the girls shrank back as far as they could, brandishing the pots before them. The soldier found this enticing. He glanced around the kitchen, gave a quick look in the storeroom, then walked towards the girls with a menacing gleam in his eye.

"Come here, pretty ones," he said as he suddenly lunged at them, eyes full of lust. 

The girls screamed and tried to hit him with the pots, but he just swatted the pots out of their hands as if they were nothing. Then he grabbed Yuka and pushed her against the wall, tearing at her kimono and trying to kiss her. Kishi grabbed another pot and rushed at the man, but he kicked her away. She screamed again.

"Get away from her." 

It was a young voice, the soldier could tell, but it was cold as ice. He roughly let go of Yuka and turned, drawing his katana. When he saw who was behind the voice, though, he laughed—a mere boy, and a scrawny one at that. Before Yuka could get away, he grabbed her again.

"I said, get away from her." Kenshin mentally cursed his decision not to wear his swords. He eyed the distance between himself and the woodpile; his swords were too far back to reach. This time the soldier pushed Yuka away. Drawing his sword, he started coming for Kenshin instead. Faster than the eye could see, Kenshin ducked the soldier's sword, dove for the woodpile, and grabbed a piece of wood. He pivoted and leaped, aiming a blow at the soldier's head. The wood hitting the man's skull made a sickening crunch. Kishi, who had stood transfixed throughout the entire ordeal, now screamed again as the soldier fell to the floor, blood streaming from the blow.

Given the fact that they had been warned not to kill, Kenshin was relieved to see that the man was still alive. He turned to Yuka and Kishi and found Yuka shaking and holding her ripped kimono; Kishi was clutching the edge of a table and staring at the blood. He knew there would be trouble over this, but he hoped to lessen the trouble with some good acting.

"Kishi," he said urgently, "go get Okami and the other soldiers, quick!"

Kishi didn't move—she was in shock.

"Kishi!" Kenshin shouted. He walked over to her and shook her. "Kishi! Listen! You have to go find Okami and the other soldiers!" 

He pushed her towards the door. Now Kishi awoke from the trance she was in and ran down the hall. Next he went to Yuka, who was still shaking.

"Yuka," he said softly as he gently touched her arm, "it's okay now. You're safe." 

Yuka looked at him, then looked at the soldier on the floor, then looked back at him again. "H-how did you do that?" she whispered. 

Within seconds, the two other soldiers, Okami, and a breathless and crying Kishi burst into the kitchen to the sight of a bleeding soldier sprawled on the floor. Yuka was still clutching her torn kimono. Kenshin was now hiding behind her as if he was scared.

"What's going on here?" the soldiers demanded.

Kenshin answered in as much of a little-boy voice as he could. "I was in the courtyard getting some water," he said in a wavery voice, "when I heard screaming, and I saw this man try to rip her clothes off her, and he wouldn't stop, so I threw a piece of wood at him! I didn't mean to hurt him—I just wanted him to stop!"

Okami gave Kenshin a strange look but decided to play along. "Toya-chan, you poor boy—you're shaking!" Turning to the soldiers, she cried angrily, "Look what your men have done! They've almost raped my serving girl and traumatized my son. Get out! You've found nothing! Get out!"

The two soldiers started dragging their comrade out of the kitchen with Okami behind them, yelling at the top of her lungs. As the soldiers left, she saw another soldier walking towards the inn who appeared to be their superior. Grabbing him by his gi, she yelled, "This is what I get for running a respectable establishment? Your men terrorize me and try to rape my help? Do you realize that relatives of Abe Masahiro himself once stayed here? How dare you!" 

At the mention of Abe Masahiro, one of the Shogun's top advisors, the soldiers started apologizing, and the one who had taken her money hurriedly gave it back to her. They left as quickly as they could, dragging their still unconscious companion with them. 

Okami quickly returned to the kitchen and took the sobbing Yuka back to her room, leaving Kenshin and Kishi to clean up the mess in the kitchen. Kenshin could feel Kishi staring at him, but this time it was with respect. By the time the men from the inn returned about an hour later, everything was back to normal. 

At dinner, the men reported to Iizuka on what had happened in the areas they had patrolled. It had been a successful deployment—in nearly every case, their presence had prevented the kind of violence that had happened at their own inn, yet the Bakufu soldiers had no idea that the men who had thwarted them were, in reality, rebels themselves. Kenshin did not include the kitchen incident in his own report, but the story clearly had gotten around. As he was leaving the dining room, men he barely knew stopped him to say, "Good job."

It had been a long and tiring day, and he was more than ready to go to bed. Before he could, however, Iizuka pulled him aside and handed him a black envelope.

"It's another job, for tonight," Iizuka said casually. 

Kenshin took the envelope and opened it. Once again, there was a name and a place.

"He's the chief of supplies for the Kyoto Bakufu forces," Iizuka said. "He used to have quite a reputation with a sword, but he's an old man now. He tends to work late, so any time tonight will be fine." Then he walked off, leaving Kenshin alone to contemplate the meaning of 'heaven's justice.'

****

Japanese Terms:

Gion: 'red-light,' or pleasure, district.

Kami-sama: I hope I've got this right—'lord god.'

Ohayou: hello.

Bakufu: name for the military government of the Shogunate.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Haori: warm overcoat.

Wakizashi: short sword, one of the two swords worn by a samurai (the other being the katana).

****

Author's Note: Kenshin's only 14—part man, part boy—so I thought it would be appropriate for him to have a foot in both worlds, albeit briefly. How briefly? Keep reading! Next chapter—his second mission and its aftermath.

To my reviewers, you're making me blush!! Many thanks to Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, haku baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, and Mayorie. I haven't decided where this story will end yet, but I do know there are several more chapters to go. I hope I can keep meeting your expectations!

****

CoConspirator's Note: o.O Wow, that was a long chapter! (for us anyway). Kenshin's so kawai ^_^ flying kites and hiding behind girls—that's a hitokiri for you! Comments and criticisms are always welcome, so tell us what you think. Iizuka's so slimy, eeew!!


	6. chapter 6

Kenshin's world is slowly becoming darker as all the implications of what it means to be a hitokiri start to become clear.

And what are the implications of the fact that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin? A significantly smaller bank account than that Watsuki Nobuhiro, from whose fertile mind these characters come, and those of the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights!

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 6

A black envelope. Heaven's justice. Kenshin stood, holding the black envelope in stunned silence. So soon? He was asked to kill again so soon? He walked to his room in a daze, thoughts whirling through his mind. Only two nights ago he had killed a man. He hadn't been prepared for the range of emotions he had experienced after the fact. There had been the excitement of the preparation and completion of his task, there was no denying that, but that had been followed by a sadness and grief that had shaken him to his very core. It was the finality of the act that had done it, the fact that once done, there was no way to change the outcome. He realized that he had also experienced a strange kind of fear—the fear of holding, in his own hands, the most awesome power a man could hold, the power of life and death itself. It had shaken him so much he had seriously wondered if he could ever kill again. But now he was angry. The events at the inn that afternoon had made his blood boil, and he cursed the brutality and oppression of the Bakufu government. There was no question—the mission would be completed. 

He tightly clutched the black envelope, practically crushing it in his grip. There would be no time to clear his mind with his kata as he had before—only time to center himself as best he could and then carry out his mission. He quickly changed from his old clothes into his uniform. Those hakama-tying practices had come in handy, he thought ruefully. He placed his swords in his belt and then headed out the door. He heard Yoshida say something to him as he swept by, but he wasn't quite listening. His face was set, his mouth was grim, and his eyes were narrowed and glowing a strange amber color. He was focused solely on the name and place contained in the black envelope. If Yoshida hadn't known better, he would have sworn that this was an entirely different person from the boy he knew.

The address in the envelope was on one of the streets he had walked with Shozo, a street near the imperial district that boasted many large homes of wealthy samurai. Although he knew exactly where the street was, he decided it would be wise to keep to the shadows to avoid being seen. When he finally reached the address, he hid in an alleyway across the street in order to assess his target. The house stood behind a huge, long wall that contained a small gate facing the street. He cast his senses to detect hostile ki and determined that there was a single guard behind the gate and several others nearby. 

He decided to go around the wall to the back of the compound, where he leaped up to the top. There he flattened himself and scanned the area. He seemed to be at the far end of the most beautiful garden he had ever seen. Sensing no one in the area, he lightly jumped down, landing without a sound. Before him were a small cherry tree and plum tree that defined one end of a lovely pond of koi. Tucked in here and there along the length of the pond were small areas of irises and fall-flowering asters. Between the pond and the house was a sandy area that had been raked in a lovely swirling pattern, ending in a low hedge of small azalea bushes. No way he could enter the house from that direction—his footprints would be clearly seen in the sand.

He decided to follow the wall to his left and skirt the side of the pond. As he did so, he was able to see the guard at the front gate; the man seemed to be dozing off. As he went further along the wall, he was able to get a look at the front of the house; there were three guards there, talking quietly. He decided to go back the way he came and follow along the wall to the right of the pond. As he did, he cast his senses into the house and determined that in this rear area, there seemed to be two women asleep. Mother and wife? Wife and daughter? Hard to tell, but they were of no consequence. Further into the house, however, he could sense the ki of a man, and although he wouldn't quite call it the ki of a warrior, it did seem to be the ki of someone with a warrior's spirit. 'That must be him,' Kenshin thought. There seemed to be no one else inside the house.

As he continued along this expanse of wall, he saw what looked like a kitchen door. This side of the house was shielded by arbors of wisteria, which provided a good cover, so he quickly and quietly ran from the wall to the doorway and entered the house. As he made his way into the main hallway, he cast his senses about to find his target's location. He quietly inched his way along the hall, following it around a corner until he came near the front of the house. Finally, he stopped at an open doorway, through which he could see a man, perhaps in his late '50s, poring over a pile of papers and busily writing as he did so. The man was so absorbed in his work that he did not see or hear Kenshin slip into the room. Kenshin crouched low, steeling himself for what was to come as he watched the man do his work. Finally, he stood and said, in a soft voice, "Fujiwara Asahiro, I have come to bring Heaven's Justice." 

The man looked up, startled. He bolted out of his chair, drawing his sword and shouting, "You Ishin scum, how dare….!" but he wasn't fast enough. All he saw was a blur of blue and red hurtling toward him. Before he could even finish his sentence, Kenshin was upon him. The room's ceiling was low, not giving Kenshin enough room for anything but a good, lateral stroke, and so Kenshin swung laterally with all his might, beheading the man in mid-word. 

The man's shouts had reached the guards, however, and Kenshin heard them yelling and running in his direction. Quickly, he pulled out the note declaring "Heaven's Justice" and dropped it on the desk. Then he headed for the open window and jumped through, landing not far from the front door of the house. He quickly noted that not only had the three guards from the front door gone inside, but the guard at the gate was also running in. Once that last guard was through the front door, Kenshin quickly ran the distance from the house to the gate, then calmly opened the latch and walked out onto the street. 

Now the sound of women's voices reached his ears, wailing and crying in grief. The sound seemed to burn itself into his mind, but he had no time to think about that now, for he could sense the guards running for the gate and the street. The alleys! He needed to head for the alleys! That walk with Shozo, when he had explored the maze of alleys in this area, was going to come in handy already. As he was about to veer off, however, he sensed a somewhat familiar ki. Looking to his right, he saw a blue-clad figure in the shadows. It was Iizuka. Kenshin nodded to him and signaled that he had completed the job successfully. Then he headed down an alley to the left to elude the guards. He followed the maze as he remembered it, finally jumping with cat-like stealth to a rooftop to see if his pursuers had managed to stay with him. They hadn't—they had taken a wrong turn and ended up in one of the numerous dead ends. When it was clear that they had finally given up their chase, he jumped down, followed a series of alleys back to the main road, and walked home undetected to the inn.

This time, upon reaching the inn, he immediately headed for the kitchen and grabbed a bucket of water to wash his hands and face. His mind had been so totally focused on his mission that, until this moment, he had thought of nothing but the actions necessary for the task. Now, however, the shock of cold water hitting his face seemed to unlock the rest of his consciousness. The sound of the women's anguished cries—he couldn't get it out of his mind. The vision of the man standing to confront him, only to suddenly crumble, headless—he couldn't stop seeing it in his mind's eye. 'He was the enemy,' Kenshin told himself, but somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice said, 'It was a human life.' 

He walked up to his room, his body now shaking as the full impact of what he had done hit him. He sat down in the far corner, as he had the first time, as his mind tried to come to terms with what had happened. He noted idly that this time, at least, he had not gotten his clothes dirty. And Yoshida was right—he may have retched the first time, but this time he did not feel nauseous. But that sound, the sound of the women crying—why couldn't he block it from his mind? That man was the enemy! But that man was also someone's father, husband, son, wasn't he? The realization slowly sank in that he, Kenshin, had just taken the life of someone who, despite everything, had been loved and depended upon by people who were totally blameless in the political affairs of the country. He was dog-tired—it had been a very, very long day—yet when he closed his eyes, sleep eluded him. Wailing, crying, blood, headless bodies, they all conspired to keep him from getting the sleep he desperately needed. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he managed to drift off into a fitful rest. He did not wake up until well after breakfast.

Okami must have guessed that he had been on a mission, for when he awoke, he found a tray with breakfast sitting in his room beside the door. This time he ate with relish—he was very hungry—but it was almost as if someone else was hungry, not himself. Inside, he felt hollow, as if a part of him had been torn out. Not knowing what else to do, he decided to go out to the meadow on the outskirts of town and practice his kata, the one thing he knew could make him feel at peace. He changed out of his uniform and put on his old clothes, just as he had done that first time, then picked up the breakfast tray to return it to the kitchen. Maybe it was his imagination, but were his old clothes feeling even smaller than they had yesterday? He really needed to buy that extra hakama! 

Okami was still in the kitchen, washing dishes with Kishi. Kenshin placed the breakfast tray on the dry sink and said, "Thanks for leaving breakfast for me. I didn't have time last night to ask if you would."

Okami noted the sadness in Kenshin's eyes that she had seen after his first mission, but she smiled brightly anyway and said, "That's ok. I figured you must have had another mission last night, and I wouldn't want you to starve! Anyway, Yuka specifically asked me to make up a tray for you when she didn't see you at breakfast. She's very grateful for what you did yesterday, saving her from that Bakufu soldier."

Then she led Kenshin over to the other side of the room so Kishi couldn't hear what she was saying.

"Yuka and Kishi told me how you saved Yuka from that soldier yesterday," she said in a low voice. "They told me they couldn't believe—forgive me for saying this!—that someone so young and small could do what you did. Yuka's still shaken up over everything—I gave her the morning off—but I think it's affected Kishi the most. She said she was truly sorry she ever teased you, and she said she told that idiot Hamada that if he ever made any more comments about you, she would personally see to it that no man here would ever talk to him again. Considering she's had relations with probably every man at this inn, she could probably do it, too! And she said not to worry, she will never tell a soul about you or your job."

His job. His face clouded over as a vision of the headless samurai flashed through his mind.

"Are you all right, Himura-chan?" asked a worried Okami.

"Hai, hai," he answered as he tried to put a smile on his face. "It's just that I'm still a bit tense from everything that's happened. I'm going out to the countryside, in fact, to practice my kata. That should relax me."

"Well, you take care of yourself," Okami said, and she watched as he turned and left the inn.

He put on his hat as he headed for the street that would lead him out of town, but despite the fact that the hat hid his red hair, he still felt like people were staring at him. Whenever he heard the sound of someone running, he found himself grabbing the hilt of his sword. He knew the guards from last night couldn't possibly be after him now and couldn't possibly know what he looked like, but he remained jumpy all the same. 'What's the matter with me?' he wondered. He really needed this practice session!

It was with great relief, therefore, that he finally reached that peaceful expanse of meadow and trees. He walked out into grass and gazed at the mountains in the distance, feeling a small twinge of homesickness for the secluded cabin he had shared with Hiko. With his eyes on the mountains, he began his kata, feeling a sense of peace and harmony return as he went through the first, slow movements. As he progressed through each succeeding level, he enjoyed the familiar rush he always felt as he executed the dance of leaps and thrusts that were the hallmark of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. He finished feeling refreshed in mind and body—almost. If only there hadn't been that physical memory in his arms, during certain moves, of the feeling of steel cutting through flesh and bone….

He went to sit under a tree, gazing up once again at the yellows, reds, and oranges of the changing leaves, and thought about the preparations for winter Hiko would be making right about now. 'Hiko must be cursing me out,' Kenshin thought with a smile, 'now that he has to bring in a winter's worth of wood all by himself!' Then he thought back to the arguments that had led to his leaving. He had wanted to fulfill the philosophy of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu by protecting the weak from the cruelty of the age, and now he had actually done so, by saving Yuka from that Bakufu soldier. It was a good feeling. As for his job, Katsura was right. It was, indeed, very difficult to take a human life—he might never get used to it—but surely there couldn't be that many people whose very existence threatened the coming of the new era. His missions, he was sure, would be over in a matter of weeks. He would just have to hold himself together until then.

Thus reassured, he got up and decided to visit Shozo at the stable. His visit there two days ago, when he was recovering from the shock of his first mission, had made the world seem like a good place again. It only took about 20 minutes to get there, and, thankfully, the sound of running feet no longer made him jump. When he arrived, he stuck his head in the door, searching the dark interior for any sign of his friend. He found him towards the back, bucket and rake in hand.

"Hey, Himura—nice hat!" Shozo called out when he saw Kenshin walk down the aisle between the stalls. "You're just in time to help me finish mucking out the place!"

Mucking out? From the pungent contents of the bucket in Shozo's hand, he had a guess what that meant. He was about to say something when Shozo planted another rake in his hands. "There's a pair of boots in the corner—'ya don't want to get this stuff on your tabi!" Shozo said with a smile.

Not wanting to appear rude, Kenshin meekly did as he was told and donned the boots. 

"I'm glad you came today," Shozo went on. "After I finish cleaning out the stalls, I get to exercise the horses out in the yard, and you can help. You want to try riding one?"

Kenshin had never ridden a horse before. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea," he said hesitantly. "I don't know the first thing about it."

"Not to worry!" Shozo laughed. "I'll put you on Fearless—she wouldn't hurt a fly."

With that, the two put their backs into raking out the stalls, Shozo chattering away about the horses and the Bakufu soldiers who had intruded the day before.

"Those guys almost got themselves killed in here," Shozo was saying. "Talk about horse sense! Anyone who knows anything knows that a horse can sense what a person is thinking, and these guys were practically wearing their hatred on their shirts! Even Fearless started bucking and biting, and that black horse over there..." —he pointed to a beautiful, sleek stallion in a stall far from the others— "…he's a samurai's horse, a battle horse, and he just about killed one of the soldiers when he reared and tried to smash the guy with his front hooves! Can't imagine what they expected to find out here."

"You mean a horse can sense ki?" Kenshin asked.

"Ki? You mean what a person's like?" Shozo asked. "Yeah, they can, and a good horse trainer can sense the horse's ki as well. I know I can, at least."

This intrigued Kenshin, so he cast out his senses to see if he could read horse ki. Nothing. He closed his eyes and concentrated with all his might, but all he caught was Shozo's somewhat unformed ki and a sort of hazy impression of something potentially dangerous. The stallion? Perhaps so. "I've been taught to sense a person's ki," Kenshin finally said, "but I can't seem to sense anything from the horses—at least nothing I could put my finger on."

"Yeah, well, it takes practice, I guess," Shozo laughed, "or maybe just being around horses so much that you can guess what's on their mind. Hideko says I'm really good at it."

With the two of them working, it didn't take long to finish cleaning the stalls, so Shozo went to get a saddle and got Fearless ready for some exercise. Fearless seemed to remember Kenshin and nosed him, hoping for a treat. Shozo chuckled and handed Kenshin a piece of carrot for the horse. Then they went outside to the exercise ring. He showed Kenshin how to get into the saddle and helped him up. It was a strange feeling sitting that high off the ground on an animal with a mind of its own.

"What do I do now?" asked a nervous Kenshin.

"Just take up the reins like so, give a little kick with your heel, and Fearless will do the rest," Shozo said.

Kenshin did as he was told and, wonder of wonders, Fearless started walking around the ring.

"Kick her again, and she'll go a little faster," Shozo said.

Kenshin once again did as he was told, and sure enough, Fearless started trotting. He found the bouncing rather uncomfortable, however, so he said to the horse, "Stop, please." Fearless kept on trotting. He asked again, but the horse just kept on trotting. "How do you stop this thing!" he finally asked in exasperation.

Shozo was laughing at the sight of his friend asking a horse politely to stop. "Just pull back on the reins!" He went over to help Kenshin down. "You need riding lessons, if you're going to be a samurai!"

"I don't know about that," Kenshin replied, rubbing his posterior. "Maybe I'll just stay a foot soldier or something!"

At that moment, they heard the sound of a bell coming from the main house. "Lunchtime!" Shozo announced. "Say, why don't you come with me—I can introduce you to my aunt and uncle."

"Are you sure?" Kenshin asked. "It's not far to the inn…."

"Don't worry, Emi and Hideko are really nice—they'll like you." And with that, he led Kenshin to the house and introduced him. As predicted, he was invited to stay for lunch.

"Hideko's my father's brother," Shozo explained while they were eating. "See, my mother died when I was a baby, and my father was killed in a battle with another clan when I was seven…."

"I thought your father wasn't samurai," Kenshin broke in.

"He wasn't—he was a stable master for the Mori family," Shozo explained. "He was behind the lines with the horses when the rear was suddenly attacked. My father was teaching me to be a horse master, too, so when he died, I was sent here to my uncle. He's a horse trainer, just like my father, and he says I've got my father's talent. He says maybe next year, when I'm 13, he'll let me train horses all by myself!"

Kenshin saw Shozo's aunt, Emi, smile with pride. Shozo certainly had a different life from his own, he thought—training horses, a home life, even if it wasn't with his own father and mother. It was a life where Shozo could expect to find happiness. Not that Kenshin was jealous or regretted his own life with Hiko. Hiko had taught him to be strong and independent, and he fully enjoyed the practice of kenjutsu, but it was the life of a warrior, and he had his doubts about whether happiness of that sort would ever be part of it. Shozo's chattering, however, broke into his thoughts.

"Say, did you hear about the murder last night?" Shozo was saying in a conspiratorial tone. "We heard that someone killed one of the Shogun's main guys in Kyoto, Fujiwara Asahiro!"

Kenshin's head shot up. "What?!"

"Fujiwara Asahiro, one of the Shogun's top men. Hideko heard about it from our feed supplier this morning, and boy was that guy happy! He told my uncle that Fujiwara had been bleeding the merchants dry for years, forcing them to sell way below cost to the Bakufu, and that maybe now they could negotiate a fairer price."

'Murder. He called what I did "murder,"' Kenshin thought. He shifted uncomfortably as he sat.

"What's the matter?" Shozo asked as he noticed Kenshin's discomfort.

"Oh, nothing," Kenshin said. "It's just that…, well…, but you say he was making the merchants sell at an unfair price?"

"Oh, yeah, apparently for years!" Shozo answered. Then, in practically a whisper, he added, "There's a reason why so many of us hate the Shogunate, you know."

A reason—there was a reason. The man had, indeed, been a person whose very existence threatened the coming of the new era. Was it really murder?

"I really should be going," Kenshin said suddenly, not wanting to pursue this line of thought any longer. "Thank you for the meal, Emi-san. And thanks, Shozo, for letting me ride the horse."

"Hey, so soon?" Shozo said with disappointment. "You could help me with the other horses, you know. Come on, stay a little longer," and he grabbed Kenshin by the arm, leading him outside and back to the stable.

Kenshin ended up staying most of the afternoon, watching Shozo exercise the horses and even daring to walk a horse around the ring himself. Eventually, as the sun started nearing the western horizon, he took his leave. He did want to make a quick stop at the seamstress's shop to order a new pair of hakama. At Shozo's urging, he promised to come back when he could. 

Once again, Shozo's company had put him in a good mood, until he sensed a somewhat familiar, strong ki. He tensed and looked around, but relaxed when he saw that it was only Iizuka. 

"Hey, Himura!" Iizuka called out cheerily. He strode over quickly to join Kenshin. Then, bending down so he could talk in his ear, he said, "Another good job last night—very elegant. I wondered what you'd do about those guards. Most guys would've just gone in swinging and killed the whole lot, but you! You figured out a way just to get our man! Impressive!"

Kenshin didn't know how to respond; in fact, he wasn't sure he wanted to respond. Finally, he said, "I did the job I was assigned, that's all."

"Yeah, well, don't be too modest or anything! Say, want to go get some sake with me?"

"No, thanks," Kenshin said, somewhat startled that the older man would invite him to drink with him. "I have to visit the seamstress's shop yet before she closes."

Iizuka looked him over and wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, I can tell you need something new—your pants are too short, and you smell like you've been sleeping with horses!" He laughed heartily as he waved and walked away.

Kenshin now hurried back to the inn, thinking that all the world would shy away from him just because of the smell. He quickly changed into his hakama and the green gi the seamstress's son had outgrown. Then he checked his money. It looked like his winnings from gambling with Hamada and Oono the other night were enough to cover the cost of what he needed. With that taken care of, he headed for the seamstress's shop.

It was almost closing time when he got there. There was Junko, the "evil woman," as Okami had called her, looking as unpleasant as she had when he first met her.

"Why, it's the red-headed shrimp! Come in, come in!" Junko cackled as she saw who her customer was. "Nice green gi—haven't I seen that somewhere before, on someone taller?"

Kenshin winced, thinking he'd rather be anywhere than here right now. He bowed low, deciding to deflect her comments with extreme politeness. He even toyed with calling her '-dono,' but decided that might be going too far. "Junko-san," he finally said, "I would like to purchase another hakama. I have brought the money with me, so I can pay you now. How long will it take for you to make?"

"Oh, I can give it to you right away!" she laughed, sounding like pebbles being thrown against a washboard. "When I made that first pair, I said to myself, 'That's the smallest hakama I've ever had to make,' so I made a second pair just for the fun of it! And I knew you'd be back—no one wears just one!" She sat back and crossed her arms, a satisfied smile plastered over her face.

Kenshin gritted his teeth to prevent himself from saying something unkind. He finally managed to say, "Then I shall pay you now and take the hakama with me. Thank you."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me," she laughed again. "If you hadn't bought it, I would have sold it as doll's clothes—hah!"

That did it. Kenshin slapped the money down on the table and glared at her while she went to fetch the hakama and wrap it in paper. He took the package, bowed, and left without saying another word. Junko's screeching laughter followed him out into the street. 'Nasty old biddy,' he thought darkly. He stormed back to the inn, kicking himself mentally for allowing the old crone to get to him like that, but he couldn't help it. 

The men were just starting to head to the dining room for dinner when he arrived, so he quickly took the steps by twos, dumped his package in his room, and ran back down to join the others. He walked in, looking for a place to sit, and saw Yoshida at the far side of the room, waving him over. Yoshida was sitting with Sato and Tanaka, who apparently had recovered enough from the wound suffered during the munitions raid to join them. Kenshin's face must have still looked rather stormy, for Yoshida said, "What's eating you, kid?"

Kenshin glared at him and said, "You ever had any dealings with that seamstress Junko?" He purposely left off the honorific.

"Yeah, sure, she gives a discount to the Ishin Shishi," he replied. "Why?"

Kenshin gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. Finally, in an exasperated tone, he said, "Can I help it if I'm short?!"

Yoshida burst out laughing. "You're a real hoot, kid, 'ya know that? A real hoot! Have a seat!"

Kenshin sat down, but he sensed a feeling of hostility coming from Sato. He looked at the man and noted a distinct look of unease, but he shrugged it off. Instead, he turned to Tanaka and said, "Tanaka-san, I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

"Thanks, Himura," Tanaka responded, "though I can only have soup. I'm still pretty weak."

Dinner progressed without incident, other than that sense of unease coming from Sato, but when Yoshida suggested that Kenshin join him and Sato on a trip to another Chousu rooming house for some gambling, Sato suddenly whispered, "Yoshida, no!"

Yoshida seemed surprised by his comrade's behavior. He stared at Sato for several seconds until it dawned on him what was going on. "Sato, he's fine, he's ok. He's not gonna hurt anyone."

Now Tanaka was confused. He tugged at Sato's sleeve and said, "What's going on?"

Sato leaned over and, pointing at Kenshin, said quietly, "_That's_ the hitokiri."

Tanaka's eyes widened briefly before his face resumed its impassive look. Kenshin stood at this, visibly trying to mask the hurt he felt, and said, "Yoshida, I don't want to make things difficult for you and your friends. Thanks for the invitation. I can go do something by myself this evening." Then he walked away.

Yoshida glared at his companion and leaped up to catch Kenshin. "Hey, don't take off like that," he said quickly. "Sato doesn't know what he's talking about!"

Kenshin looked at him, his face unreadable. "You warned me this might happen, remember? The other night, you said the men might want to have nothing to do with me once they knew what my job was. Well, I guess you were right."

He kept on walking, heading for the courtyard. 

"Himura, wait." Yoshida continued to follow him. "You should know that Sato and I saw you leave last night. You may not realize it, but you looked pretty scary, almost like someone different."

"What?"

"If I hadn't known better, I would've sworn it was someone else," Yoshida continued. "And although I'm not the best reader of ki that ever was, there was no mistaking the ki coming off of you, and it was dangerous. I've only known you a couple of days, but I know you're not really like that. Sato just doesn't know that. I do know, however, that you're the best dice player I've ever met, and I sure would like to wipe out those guys at Miyabe's."

Kenshin's face remained impassive, but Yoshida could tell he was closing himself off. "Himura, if you don't come with us, I'm gonna lose my shirt," he finally said. When he still got no response, he added, "Let me talk to Sato, beat some reason into his thick skull. With you on our side at dice, we can't lose, and I know he'll be interested in that."

Kenshin hesitated only a moment. Then he said, "Thanks for the offer, but I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm very tired. I really ought to turn in early." Then he walked back inside and up the stairs. 'Well,' he thought as he entered his room and closed the shoji, 'at least Yoshida and Shozo don't seem to be afraid of me,' but it was cold comfort in light of the knowledge that the other men would, indeed, shun him because of that word—hitokiri.

****

Japanese Terms:

Bakufu: name for the military government of the Shogunate.

Ishin: as in Ishin Shishi, the nickname for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Kata: the prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

Tabi: the sandals worn by samurai.

Mori family: the leading family of Chousu.

Kenjutsu: swordsmanship taught for battle (as opposed to kendo, which is geared toward personal improvement).

Author's Note: As author of _Fireflies in the Grass_, a story from the horse's point of view in episode 22, I had to put something in here about Kenshin riding a horse—hope you don't mind! Anyway, something had to lighten up the angst the poor guy is going through! Next time, his assignment is tougher and his support network starts to fray. Things are definitely getting darker.

Once again, many, many thanks to my reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, haku baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie, Icegirl, and Mireiyu. You're all making me blush!

****

CoConsirator's Note: Hehe, more picking on Kenshin!! I liked that part about the horse—read _Fireflies in the Grass_, everybody!! We had a little guest appearance here by my faithful dog Chloe, as Fearless the Horse. Poor Chloe, she's such a chicken. ^_^' *gives her favorite puppy a big hug* Thanks for all the reviews. Can't wait to hear what you think of this one!!


	7. chapter 7

The thrill of battle, Hiko's warnings, the pain of adolescence—can things get any worse for Kenshin? 

And what could be worse than the fact that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin? Sadly for me, they all belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro and the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights! 

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 7

Kenshin slept long and deeply that night, catching up on the sleep he had missed during those tormented nights earlier in the week. And although he didn't quite wake up with the sun, he still was up in time to help in the kitchen. Okami, Yuka, and Kishi were all there, busily preparing breakfast for the 20 men stationed at the inn. They greeted him warmly as he entered the kitchen, and he went straight to work bringing in more water and making rice balls. 

He wasn't sure what to do about eating breakfast itself, however. He had now been in Kyoto for a week—it seemed like a lifetime already—and he had settled into a comfortable routine of eating with Yoshida and his companions at most meals. Last night, though, it became apparent that Yoshida's prediction would come true—no one would want to associate with a hitokiri. He truly appreciated Yoshida's friendship, but he was reluctant to come between him and his long-time friends. He decided to wait until the dining room was filled up before going in himself to avoid causing a problem. 

When he finally did go in, there was an empty seat at the far end of the room, somewhat away from everyone else, so he took it. He saw Yoshida wave over to him, but he merely nodded in acknowledgement. He figured he might as well get used to eating alone. Then Iizuka came up and sat next to him.

"Why off in a corner, huh?" Iizuka said breezily. "You should be proud of yourself—you're getting quite a reputation in Kyoto."

Kenshin looked at him quizzically, but continued eating.

"Word's getting around that there's a shadow assassin in town," Iizuka continued, a satisfied smile on his face. "Not only that, they're saying this assassin has the ability to appear and disappear like a ghost. You sure spooked those guards at Fujiwara's the other night!"

Kenshin still didn't say anything. 

"Well, you're sure talkative, aren't you," Iizuka commented.

"There's nothing to say," Kenshin finally said. "I did my job. It's not like I enjoyed killing those men."

Iizuka snorted. "Yeah, whatever," he laughed. "Anyway, it seems folks are so rattled by what's happened, especially your end-run around Fujiwara's guards, that they're putting on more bodyguards around important Bakufu officials and supporters. In fact, there's someone we need to take care of, and I think we're going to have to take care of him right away before he gets surrounded by too many bodyguards." He handed Kenshin a black envelope.

"This guy is the chief representative of the daimyo of Aizu to the government. He's a master swordsman, and our spies tell us he's already got a contingent of six bodyguards. We can't wait any longer or he'll have so many bodyguards, it would take a squad of our own men to take him down."

"So why not just do that?" Kenshin asked flatly.

"Well, I thought that would have been obvious," Iizuka said with surprise. "We send in our squad, they know who did it. That would start a war between Chousu and Aizu. We send you in, however, and it's a shadow—they have no idea who did it. No idea, no war, get it?"

Kenshin stared at his food. So, he would be delivering heaven's justice to an enemy of the Ishin Shishi, thus preventing a war. But if he didn't deliver heaven's justice in the first place, there wouldn't be a war, either…. No, this man clearly was an enemy of those seeking the new era of peace and justice…. He pulled his attention back to Iizuka, who was still talking.

"…with those bodyguards chasing you, you need to know about our safe houses," Iizuka was saying.

"Safe houses?"

"Yeah, places you can go in an emergency," he said. "If you were being followed, for instance, you sure wouldn't want to head back here—it could put everyone here in danger. There are about 10 places scattered all over the area where people will take you in, no questions asked, and hide you for as long as you need. Here's the list—memorize it. Then spend the day visiting every one of them and introduce yourself so they know who you are. Here's how you introduce yourself…," and Iizuka handed him another sheet with a series of coded sentences that would alert the safe houses to the fact that he was an Ishin Shishi. "Think you can handle that?"

Kenshin looked everything over and nodded. 

"See you later, then," Iizuka said lightly, as if he had just arranged a dinner date rather than an assassination.

Yet another black envelope, and this time there would be six bodyguards. He slipped the envelope in his sleeve pocket and continued eating, but without much appetite. Meanwhile, he scanned the addresses of the safe houses. They did, indeed, seem to be all over the city and even outside the city. He had hoped to visit Shozo again at the stable today, but it looked like that would have to wait. He stood up to leave and found Yoshida waiting for him by the door.

"Well, Himura, I lost my shirt at dice last night, as predicted," Yoshida said glumly. "Worst part is, I've got guard duty with some of those guys today, and they'll just be laughing at me."

Kenshin couldn't help chuckling. "Yoshida, has it ever occurred to you that maybe you just weren't cut out to be a gambler?"

"Himura," he retorted, "has it ever occurred to you that if you came with me, I _could_ be a gambler?" 

Now Kenshin laughed—it felt so good to laugh—but then the smile disappeared as he shook his head. "I can't do that—you would lose your friends. They don't want to be around a hitokiri like me, remember?"

"Himura, you said so yourself—you're no cold-blooded killer. Once they realize that, they'll change their minds."

Kenshin shook his head. "I appreciate your confidence in me, but I'm not so sure they'd really change their minds. Anyway, there can't be that many people out there who deserve heaven's justice, so maybe I'll only have to worry about this for a few weeks."

"Not that many?" Yoshida repeated incredulously. "Only a few weeks? Oh, kid, I don't think so. I don't know where you got that idea from, but I don't think so."

Kenshin looked at him with surprise, but his expression quickly changed to one of hardness and determination. "I hope you're wrong," he finally said. Then he left to go to his room.

In the privacy of his room, he now took out the black envelope and read its contents. There was a name, a place, and a time—6 p.m. The days were rapidly getting shorter, but it was still fairly light out at 6 p.m. And the place was outside a government office, a location that was sure to have a lot of people around it. The man, Iizuka had said, would have six bodyguards. This assignment was going to be a lot more difficult than the first two, he could tell. He decided to scout out the area while making his rounds of the safe houses. Then he settled down to memorize the addresses of the safe houses and learn the coded sentences he would need to gain admission. Finally, after an hour of studying and memorizing, he grabbed his hat and went on his way.

His first stop turned out to be a shop selling women's combs and toiletries—an odd choice for a safe house, he thought. The next two were private homes. They were not near each other, but both were on side streets in areas that were generally considered hostile to the Ishin Shishi. He was surprised to find that an elderly couple lived at one address, a mother with young children at another. Did they hate the Bakufu so much that they were willing to endanger themselves and their families this way? He continued to wind his way through Kyoto, stopping at an address in the warehouse district and one that turned out to be a bar and brothel in the poor, rundown area near the warehouses.

From here, he knew that if he followed the river, he would come to the Imperial district and the location of the night's mission. He found the street, a major thoroughfare, and followed it to the government building where the black envelope had instructed him to go. It was an imposing place not far from the Tokugawa palace, but it didn't seem to be guarded. He sat in an alley across the way, leaning against a building, and watched the comings and goings for about half an hour. He noted that nearly everyone who came or went was either a daimyo or high-ranking samurai with several bodyguards, and that when they left, they all seemed to head in the same direction. He decided to discretely follow the next group to see where they went. It turned out to be an inn whose sign read Nijo Jinya. He noted that every one of the daimyo and samurai he had seen leaving the building over the past half-hour seemed to be milling about the inn's doorway. He had a feeling this was where his target would be heading at 6 p.m.

It was now lunchtime and he was hungry, but he decided he'd better visit one more safe house before eating. This one was east of the river, in a rather sparsely populated area far from downtown. It turned out to be a small shrine—so small, in fact, that it would have been easy to overlook. He knocked at the gate and was met by a middle-aged monk. After going through the coded conversation, the monk asked him in and offered him lunch.

"We haven't had anyone from the Ishin Shishi here in a long time," said the monk, whose name was Toshiro, "and you're the youngest one I've ever met."

Kenshin smiled. "I'm 14, and I know that everyone…"—his voice cracked; he stopped in surprise before finishing his sentence— "…thinks I'm younger." He put his hand to his throat, wondering if he was getting a cold or something.

Toshiro chuckled. "Voice changing?" he asked calmly. "I may be an old man, but I remember when my voice changed. What a week that was! Every time I opened my mouth, I didn't know if I'd be a soprano or a bass."

A sense of panic overtook Kenshin as he realized what the monk was talking about. "You say this is going to last a week?!" How in the world could he announce 'heaven's justice' with his voice cracking!

Toshiro laughed at Kenshin's obvious unhappiness over the situation. "It happens to all of us, so you might as well resign yourself to it," he said. "If you're lucky, it'll only be a few days, but I knew someone once where it went on for two weeks."

Kenshin groaned. 

They finished their simple meal, then Kenshin stood to leave. In his now-cracking voice, he thanked his host for the lunch and the information.

"It was my pleasure," Toshiro replied. "It's a shame this is a safe house. I'd enjoy having your company more often, but as it is, I guess I'd better say, I hope I never see you again."

"What do you mean?"

"Because if I do, it will be because you're in serious danger. Good luck."

Kenshin went on his way once again, stopping at all the rest of the safe houses and cringing as his voice cracked nearly every time he opened his mouth. He could see it now—he'd arrive to announce heaven's justice tonight and have his intended target start laughing instead of taking him seriously. What was that Katagai had said last week about 14 being an awkward age? He wasn't kidding!

He got back to the inn late in the afternoon. He wanted to get in position for his job well in advance of 6 o'clock, so he quickly changed out of his green gi and into his uniform. He wanted desperately to practice his kata, but he had no time to go out to his secluded meadow. So, despite the fact that he would be watched, he headed for the courtyard to practice and proceeded with an abbreviated version. He could feel that there were spectators, but he ignored them, concentrating only on the feel of his sword and the flow of his leaps and footwork. He finished and swept out of the courtyard, not even glancing at the men who were watching. His mind was solely on the task ahead of him—the rest of the world had ceased to exist. The men, however, saw something quite different. Instead of the boy they had taunted just a week ago for being so young and scrawny, they saw a young man with narrowed, amber eyes that promised no compromise in a fight, that promised instant death if anyone stood in his way. It was the change that had scared Yoshida and Sato two nights ago; now everyone else had seen it as well.

It still being light out, Kenshin did not bother taking side streets to his destination; he would be just one among many other pedestrians seeming to hurry home before darkness, and danger, fell. Two blocks from his destination, he turned down an alley and found his way to another alley that gave him a good view of the building in which his target was meeting. Now all he had to do was wait. He noticed that as it got later, there were fewer and fewer people in the vicinity. Maybe, if he was lucky, there would be no one around by the time this samurai from Aizu left the building.

Finally, a little after 6 o'clock, the door to the building opened, and a group of seven men stepped out into the street. It was them. There were three bodyguards in front, one next to his target, and two behind. They seemed to be engaged in a serious discussion, and they were, as he suspected, headed in the direction of the Nijo Jinya. As they passed by his alley, he silently slipped out behind them. Praying that his voice would not crack, he said softly, "Ito Shigetoki, I have come to bring Heaven's Justice." 

There was silence as the guards turned around in surprise. "If you value your lives, you will step aside," Kenshin said to the bodyguards. His voice did not crack, although he would not have noticed even if it had.

They did not value their lives. In an instant, everything was a mass of movement, with the rear two guards charging at Kenshin. He, however, had planned in advance what to do. He needed to move the fight away from the main street and away from the direction of the Nijo Jinya. He turned and ran as fast as he could down a side alley, with the bodyguards following close behind. When he sensed that one guard had outpaced the others and was coming close, he suddenly turned and used the circular motion of turning to slice his pursuer in half. As he did, the second bodyguard rounded the corner. Seeing his comrade dead, he came hurtling down the alley towards Kenshin, sword drawn and ready to kill. Kenshin drew this attacker further down the alley as well until finally he turned and killed him in the same way. Now the other three bodyguards, as well as Ito himself, were blocking the entrance to the alley. Without stopping after his swing, Kenshin flipped forward towards them with blinding speed to give himself more power. His pursuers barely had time to draw their swords before, with one mighty swing, he felled the two men in front. As the third bodyguard started a swing that would have beheaded him, Kenshin leaped high in the air, avoiding the blade and bringing his own sword down through his opponent's skull, cleaving him in two. 

Now there was just himself and his target, Ito Shigetoki. The two faced each other, fiery eyes meeting fiery eyes. In the eery silence that had descended, the samurai from Aizu said, in a voice laced with venom, "Prepare to meet your death. I am a master of Yagyu Shinkage Ryu."

"No, it is you who will die," Kenshin replied with equal venom.

He assumed the battoujutsu stance and waited for Ito to attack. They stared at each other, waiting for the other to move, but neither blinked, neither flinched. Suddenly, in a blur of movement, Ito shot forward, sword aiming for a clean cut through Kenshin's torso. Kenshin immediately leaped high and flipped over Ito's head, landing behind him and swinging even as he landed. Ito, however, was too fast and managed to deflect Kenshin's sword. Swing followed swing as the two continued to attack and defend until they separated after several minutes to catch their breath. Kenshin had not had a fight like this since practicing with Hiko, and it heightened all his senses. Ito, on the other hand, had never met an opponent who could outlast him as long as this stripling of a boy had. Ito growled in anger, his rage building at the thought of being humiliated by a mere child. Suddenly, Ito attacked again, but Kenshin was too fast. With god-like speed, he ducked Ito's sword, ran past him and, turning, he leaped in the air. Ito barely had time to register that his opponent was airborne before Kenshin landed a blow to the back of his neck, finishing with blows to his jugular, chest, and legs. The man crumpled to the ground, dead.

Kenshin surveyed the scene before him and calmly wiped the blood from his blade before dropping the note proclaiming "Heaven's Justice" on Ito's body. As he did, Iizuka and three men came running up—it was Yoshida, Sato, and one other. If Kenshin had bothered to look at them, he would have seen expressions of shock and disbelief on their faces.

"Please clean this up," Kenshin said in a low voice. Then, without another word, he turned and walked away.

He knew that his clothes were bloody, so he kept to the alleys and back roads as he returned to the inn, even though it was now fairly dark out. There were several men in the front hall when he got there, but he didn't notice, nor did he hear their shouts of "What happened?" He headed for his room, closed the shoji behind him, and stripped off his clothes, changing into his spare hakama and green gi. To knocks at his door, he growled, "Go away." Finally, when it seemed that most of the men had gone off to gamble or do whatever they did at night, he took his bloodied clothes and headed for the washroom off the kitchen to grab a bucket, a washboard, and some soap. Then he went to the well, got some water, and proceeded to wash out his clothes. He sensed some of the men staring at him, but once again he ignored them. He finished cleaning the blood from his clothes and now stared at his hands. He felt like the blood had not yet come off of them, so he continued to wash them. Someone was using the bathhouse, so he pulled up a bucket of water from the well and dumped it over his head, hoping that that would make him feel clean again. It didn't. Finally, he went back to his room, not saying a word to anyone. 

'Seven men. I have slaughtered seven men.' Kenshin could not get that thought out of his mind. It was bad enough that he had killed so many, but he realized that he had actually enjoyed the challenge of the fight. The thrill of the chase, the rush he felt as he turned and swung at his opponents, the feeling of flying through the air as he crashed his sword down on his attackers—it gave him a feeling of power that was almost intoxicating. But the result—seven bodies strewn over two alleys. He remembered Hiko yelling at him during their last argument. 

"Swordsmanship is a form of murder!" Hiko had shouted. "You will become a mass murderer!" 

Kenshin shut his eyes and tried to clear his mind. 'No!' he thought. 'Not murder—heaven's justice!' 

But Hiko's voice intruded once again. "They are all human beings, merely trying to live their lives the only way they know how!" he had yelled. 

'No!' Kenshin cried once again in his mind. 'They're the enemy, oppressing the weak with a cruel government!'

He grabbed his sword and sat against the wall, cradling the weapon against his shoulder. He sat there staring off into space until he finally fell asleep. Dreams of sightless eyes, headless bodies, wailing women, and bloody corpses lying in the street tormented his rest. He woke up once in the night from hunger, since he had never eaten dinner, but the food Okami had left outside his door seemed tasteless. Then he drifted back into a dreamless, fitful, sleep until dawn.

When he awoke, he thought of going down to the kitchen to help Okami and the girls, but he somehow felt that the events of the previous evening had left him unclean. Instead, he headed for the bathhouse and soaked in the tub until it was time for breakfast. As he walked through the hallway to the dining room, he became aware of whispers behind his back. "A demon," he heard one whisper. He turned to see who they were talking about, but he only saw a small group of men talking to each other. 

He shrugged and continued on into the dining room. He spotted a place at the far end of the room and sat down, intending once again to eat alone. He needn't have worried—the men nearest to him got up and moved away. He spotted Yoshida midway down the room and noted that Yoshida had quickly averted his eyes. He had no idea what was going on and was just glad to receive his food from Kishi.

"We missed you this morning," she whispered as she placed a tray of food in front of him. "We heard about last night." Before he could ask what she meant, she had walked away to serve the others.

Iizuka eventually came over to sit with him, just as he had the previous morning. "You were unbelievable last night, just unbelievable!" he said enthusiastically as he settled himself down.

"Iizuka, I don't want to talk about it," Kenshin muttered. Damn, his voice was cracking again.

"I've never seen such speed and accuracy with a sword!" Iizuka continued.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kenshin said a bit more loudly.

"I don't think you fully appreciate what you did last night," Iizuka persisted. "That guy Ito? He was considered one of the top swordsman in Japan! That style of his—Yagyu Shinkage Ryu—one of the most deadly there is! And you defeated him, not to mention all his guards!"

"Iizuka, stop! I slaughtered seven men! I took no pleasure in it!"

"Truly amazing," Iizuka said again. Then, before getting up to leave, he added, "Say, is your voice changing?" 

Kenshin gritted his teeth at that comment but continued eating, although it was a mechanical action. His mind was numb, and he desperately wanted to get rid of that numbness. He decided that right after breakfast, he would go visit Shozo at the stable. Shozo was always so happy and enthusiastic, it never failed to lift his spirits. So, as soon as he was done, he headed for the stable. He stuck his head in, but didn't see his friend. He walked out to the exercise yard, but didn't find him there, either. Finally, he went over to the house, where he found Shozo's uncle, Hideko, on the porch polishing his boots.

"Good morning, Hideko-san," Kenshin said, bowing politely. "Is Shozo around?"

Hideko gave him a peculiar look and said, "He's gone. Didn't you know?"

"Gone?"

"He was sent to Chousu yesterday, to train horses for Takasugi Shinsaku."

"But…but he told me when he's 13…he didn't say anything about leaving now!" Kenshin sputtered.

"It was a sudden thing," Hideko said, once again giving Kenshin a peculiar look.

"Well…." Kenshin was at a loss for words. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry to have bothered you. Thank you," and he left.

He wandered down to the river, where he and Shozo had flown kites just a week earlier. What was he going to do? How could Shozo have left so suddenly? How would he ever shake the numbness he felt in his soul? It was almost as if the part of him that could feel happiness was locked in a closet to which he had lost the key. As he thought this, he suddenly remembered—hadn't someone talked to him about blocking out bad memories when they interfered with happiness? It was the woman at the inn in the pleasure district, Kumiko. "When the white makeup goes on, I close off my real self and hide it away," she had said. "When the makeup comes off, I lock that other person away and try to forget she exists. That's the only way to survive." He got up and decided to find her. Maybe she could help him shake off his feelings of desolation.

It didn't take long to get to the Gion district and to find Kumiko's inn. When he found the front door locked, he went around back to the kitchen and knocked. A burly man opened the door and then, upon seeing Kenshin standing there, started to slam it in his face. Kenshin caught the door with his hand and held it open.

"I'm here to see Kumiko-san," he said quickly, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

The man seemed surprised. "What business you got with her?" he asked brusquely.

"She's a friend," Kenshin answered simply. 

The man looked Kenshin over, trying to decide if he posed a threat or not.

"Awfully young to go after our girls, aren't you?" he retorted. When Kenshin glowered, he said, "Tell me who you are, and I'll go get her."

Kenshin didn't want to give his name, so he said, "Tell her it's her friend from the mountains."

The man walked back inside, leaving Kenshin standing at the door. He waited several minutes and was about to leave when Kumiko appeared, wearing a sleeping yukata and looking like she had just woken up. Her eyes widened when she saw who her visitor was.

"Himura-san, isn't it?" she said. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

Kenshin realized he must have awakened her. "I didn't realize you'd still be asleep, I'm so sorry…," he stammered. Then he collected himself and said, "I need your help. Could we talk?"

Kumiko noted that there was a profound sadness about Kenshin that had not been there when she first met him last week. She said, "Come to my room while I get changed. Sure, we can talk."

He followed her down the long corridor to her room. She pulled out the folding screen and stepped behind it to change. Kenshin found a cushion and sat on the floor to wait.

"So, what's on your mind?" she asked as she changed her clothes behind the screen.

Kenshin was silent for a minute. Then he said, "Do you remember telling me how you lock your real self away when your makeup goes on, then lock that other person away when the makeup comes off?" He heard her say yes. Then he continued. "What happens if you can't seem to bring back your real self? What if that closet seems to be locked, and you can't find the key?" 

Kumiko came out from behind the screen, wearing a simple daytime kimono and fixing her hair. She looked at Kenshin, who was staring at his hands.

"Something's happened, hasn't it," she said softly. He nodded his head. She was too experienced in her line of work to ask what, and Kenshin was relieved she didn't ask.

"Let's go down to the riverfront and talk," she said, and she led him out to the water's edge just below the overhanging porches of the nearby inns. They watched the water lapping against the shore, the gentle sound soothing Kenshin's frayed nerves.

Finally, she said, "The key is having a friend. It's friends who bring you back. I learned that a long time ago, when I first came here. I was only 13, and after a few nights of this work, I felt so angry and bitter and helpless, I thought I would kill myself. But the other women here were so kind to me—they were like sisters—and soon I found that when I was around them during the day, all that bitterness and anger just went away. And, of course, there are the children…."

"Children?" Kenshin said in surprise. "I didn't know you had children!"

"Oh, not me," she laughed. "I've been lucky, I haven't had any, but some of the other women have, and we all act as mothers to them. Being with the little ones always makes me laugh." She pointed down aways to some small children playing in the water. "Those three are the children of two of the women from our inn."

She waved to the children, who came running over to hug her and climb in her lap. One was a five-year-old boy; the other two were three-year-old twin girls. The boy was wary, but the girls stared shyly at the stranger with the red hair. They reminded Kenshin of the toddlers he used to watch on those weekly visits to the young widow's farm with Hiko. He smiled back. Then he stood and, choosing a flat pebble from the shore, started skipping the stone across the water. The five-year-old watched in fascination. Kenshin picked up another stone and skipped that one across the water. Now the boy came over and tried throwing one of his own, with no success. Kenshin picked up a third pebble and handed it to him, then gently took the child's hand and showed him the proper motion. The boy's pebble skipped twice. The boy smiled delightedly as he pulled at Kenshin's sleeve and pointed at his successful toss.

"Looks like you have a way with children," Kumiko commented.

Kenshin helped the boy skip another pebble and then sat back down with Kumiko. They watched the children play, sometimes talking, sometimes not, he telling her about Okami, Kishi, and Yuka, she telling him about some of her more colorful clients. Slowly, he forgot the blood and gore of the previous night—almost. Slowly, he once again felt whole—almost. It seemed to be getting harder and harder to bring himself back. 

He almost hesitated to ask, afraid she would say no, but finally he got up the courage to say, "Would it be all right if I came back again sometime, just to talk?"

Kumiko laughed gently at his shyness. "Of course," she said. "Just come a little later in the morning next time, ok?"

________________________________________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Bakufu: Name for the military government of the Shogun.

Daimyo: feudal lord of a province.

Aizu: one of the most pro-Shogunate provinces.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate forces.

Nijo Jinya: It's a real place, an inn where the daimyo stayed when visiting the Tokugawa palace. See below for interesting details.

Yagyu Shinkage Ryu: According to a website, one of the most deadly and celebrated sword styles during the Tokugawa era.

Takasugi Shinsaku: One of the main leaders of Chousu, head of the Kiheitai.

****

Author's Notes: When I read the _Frommer's Guide_ website about Kyoto before I started this series, I came across a description of the Nijo Jinya. When I saw it, I knew I had to include it in the story. It was built in the 17th century for daimyo visiting the Tokugawa Palace or Imperial Palace. To make sure the daimyo didn't kill each other while staying there, it had "… a secret, soundproof guard post located directly above the visitor's seat with a trap door that allowed the guard to drop directly on the guest if necesssary, hidden stairways, secret chambers, and a narrow, dark hallway with a low ceiling to discourage sword fights and removable floor boards to trip intruders…" (all quoted from the online Frommer's Guide—great site!).

Am I being mean to poor Kenshin? First no one believes he's 14, then the seamstress makes fun of him for being so small, and now his voice starts cracking! Yes, even Kenshin must endure the angst of adolescence….

Once again, CoConspirator has been invaluable in helping me with this chapter. In particular, she has reminded me that a shadow assassin would never shout out his style or the names of his moves, so Kenshin does not do so in his fight with Ito. However, the moves I wrote about were various versions of the Ryu Kan Sen, Ryu Tsui Sen, and Ryu Tsui Shou Sen. His opponent's style, by the way, was a real one, and according to the website I consulted, it was considered one of the most deadly styles. CoConspirator was also responsible for the idea that the monk Kenshin meets should be none other than Toshiro, whom readers of _In Search of Family_ will remember. What would I do without my CoConspirator! Next chapter—things heat up for our poor hero.

Many thanks to all our reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, haku baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie, Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, AC, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, and Corran Nackatori. Some of you have anticipated things that are coming up! And is one week too short for the changes that have taken place in Kenshin? Ah, well, that's dramatic license (after all, so is half of what Kenshin does when he's fighting!). Hope you don't mind _too_ much!

****

CoConspirator's Note: *bows* I really don't deserve all that credit, although I must admit I am very inspiring (not really). ^_^ Yay Toshiro!! Anybody who hasn't read _In Search of Family_ really should! Hmm…. *peeks ahead* Kenshin's not going to like this next chapter, not that he's been really happy in any of the other ones, either. Sorry. *backs cautiously away from growling Battousai* Comments, criticisms and questions are welcome. On to Chapter 8!!


	8. chapter 8

Kenshin is finding it harder and harder to fend off the effects of being a hitokiri.

And I must fend off the effects of not owning the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They, alas, all belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro and the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights! 

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 8

Shinzu Tora was back. There was no doubt about that. The men might as well have sent up fireworks to announce it, for all the noise and hullabaloo they created. Kenshin could hear it all the way out on the main street as he returned from his visit with Kumiko, and by the time he walked down the small side street to the inn, the noise was almost deafening. The man who had challenged him while he practiced during his second day in Kyoto was standing at the front door of the inn, acting as if he had just conquered the entire Tokugawa family single-handedly. Kenshin decided to hang back and wait for the man to go inside, rather than try to walk past him.

After several minutes, Shinzu and his entourage finally went into the lobby, where he continued to hold court. Kenshin carefully stayed at the back of the group crowding around the man and made his way to the stairs, intending to discretely go to his room. 

As he quietly started up the stairs, Shinzu noticed him. Staring with hatred, Shinzu said loudly, "What's that spawn of a gaijin still doing here?" 

Kenshin froze but did not turn around. Spawn of a gaijin? That was a new one. He continued on his way up the stairs.

"Lay off him," he heard someone say. It was Yoshida's voice. He still didn't look back, but kept going slowly and deliberately up the stairs.

"Yeah, lay off the killer!" another man laughed. That was Hamada's voice.

Now he heard the sound of someone shoving Hamada against the wall and telling him to shut up, but Kenshin never looked. He finally reached his room, went in, and shut the shoji. He'd be damned if something like this was going to spoil the relative sense of peace he had just managed to achieve after his visit with Kumiko! 

He blocked the noise from downstairs out of his mind and thought about more pleasant things. Playing with the children by the river had reminded him of something relaxing that he hadn't done since arriving in Kyoto—playing with his top. He went to get it, still nestled in the folds of his winter haori where he had packed it when he left the Kiheitai. It was the one and only physical reminder of his life with his family. He vaguely remembered when his father gave it to him, just a few weeks before everyone had caught cholera and died. At the time, it had seemed like the most magical and wonderful gift anyone could have given him. To this day, he found that spinning the top still had a certain magical quality to it. He wondered what his father would think of him now, what he would think of someone who was paid to deliver 'heaven's justice.' Then he remembered how Hiko had used the top as a way to teach one particular aspect of eye-hand coordination, and how they had occasionally played dueling tops—one of Hiko's rare, fun methods of instruction. He knew what Hiko would say about his job. The thought caused a pang of regret.

After awhile, his stomach started to grumble a bit, letting him know that lunchtime couldn't be far off. He noticed that the noise downstairs had pretty much subsided, so he went down to see if Okami could use some help in the kitchen. One of the benefits of helping in the kitchen, of course, was the chance to sneak a bite of this or that to eat, and considering he hadn't had much appetite at breakfast, he would certainly appreciate a little something right about now! So, it was with more than a touch of eagerness that he walked through the kitchen doorway. He found Okami and Yuka in a state of frenzy.

"Himura-chan, am I glad to see you!" Okami said. "Shinzu-san has brought six new men with him from Chousu to stay here permanently, but does he tell me in advance? No! And all those extra mouths to feed!"

She immediately set him to work hauling more water from the well and bringing in another sack of rice from the storeroom. Then she gave him a pile of fruit and vegetables to chop. It wasn't hard to sneak a few pieces of apple and carrot into his mouth has he did so, for which his stomach was most grateful. Kishi had been sent to the marketplace for more supplies and returned not only with meat and fish, but also several large bottles of sake, "to celebrate Shinzu's return," Okami had said. It was a reminder to Kenshin that he needed to watch what he said and did around this man, because he clearly was a force to be reckoned with at the inn. 

So, when it was time for lunch, he decided to wait until the last minute, as he had before, and then find a seat as far away from Shinzu as possible. It didn't help; Shinzu glared at him as he walked in, a sneer curling his lip. "Some demon," he snarled as Kenshin passed by. There was that word 'demon' again. Just that morning he had heard some of the men talk about a demon, but he didn't know who they were talking about. Now it appeared that they had been talking about him.

He found a spot at the far end of the room, hoping against hope to just blend in with the wall. He wanted to have nothing to do with Shinzu; already the man seemed angry at him. He had just taken his food from Yuka and started eating when Iizuka came over to join him. Kenshin pounced on him as soon as he sat down. 

"What's with this 'demon' stuff, Iizuka?" Kenshin asked quickly as he tried unsuccessfully to swallow the crack that threatened to break into his voice. "They seem to mean me."

"Hey, you're actually talking to me!" Iizuka remarked with surprise as he settled himself down. Kenshin glared at him, but Iizuka just laughed and said, "It's probably my fault. The men want to know if you're any good outside of practice, so I tell them what I see, and what I saw last night was unbelievable. The speed! The precision! I told them you were like an avenging demon."

"Oh, great," Kenshin muttered dejectedly.

"Listen, kid," Iizuka said, "I know I'm not your favorite person—you probably find me irritating—but I'm here to help you. Maybe you don't want me for a friend, but at least let me help you out. There are things that go on here…" —he glanced over at Shinzu— "…that even guys a lot older than you have a hard time putting up with. Trust me, ok?"

Kenshin gave a long look at Iizuka. He was right. The man held no malice towards him, and just because his breezy nature made Kenshin uncomfortable didn't mean he couldn't trust him. After all, he thought, Katsura did.

"I'll trust you," Kenshin finally said, and Iizuka smiled. 

Now Iizuka chatted with Kenshin about the various styles of swordsmanship that were prevalent in Kyoto, and Kenshin told him of his visits to the safe houses. It was all small talk, but it helped him feel more comfortable around the older man. Their conversation was interrupted, however, when Shinzu walked up. He reeked of sake.

"Our beloved acting commander isn't scared to eat with a bloody hitokiri, I see," Shinzu said to Iizuka, purposely ignoring Kenshin as he did so.

"Shinzu, let me say this one more time," Iizuka replied with a dangerous edge to his voice. "Himura, here, is the best swordsman we've got, except for you. He's got his assignments, you've got yours. You will leave him alone, and you will keep your mouth shut about him. No one is to know of his existence! Do I make myself clear?"

Shinzu snorted derisively. "It doesn't really matter," he laughed. "He's a hitokiri—he'll be dead in three months anyway!" With that, he turned on his heel and strode away, his laughter hanging in the air.

'Dead in three months? Is that what they expect?' Kenshin thought. No one had ever spoken to him about longevity in this job—he had just sort of assumed the job wouldn't last very long, and then he'd go on to doing something else for the Ishin Shishi. But now that Shinzu mentioned it, it made a lot of sense. People would try to defend themselves against him, and chances were that one of them might someday succeed. 

"Hey, kid, snap out of it," Iizuka said, noticing Kenshin's faraway look. "Don't listen to him—he's drunk and even more insufferable than when he's sober. What'd you ever do to get him so angry anway? You were barely here before he left with that munitions convoy."

"I was practicing out in the courtyard on my second day here, and I guess he didn't like what he saw," Kenshin responded guardedly. 

"I heard there was some kind of fight," Iizuka prodded. He could tell Kenshin was holding something back.

Reluctantly, Kenshin said, "He tried to challenge me, but I refused. Then he came after me. I pinned him with the flat of my sword and told him we were both fighting for the same side."

Iizuka let out a low whistle. Shinzu was a fairly large and stocky man; Kenshin wasn't even five feet tall, and if he weighed 100 pounds, it was probably a lot. "_You_ pinned _him_?" he said incredulously. "No wonder he's pissed!"

He recovered himself and then said, "Well, it doesn't matter—somehow the two of you have to find a way to get along. By the way, he says Katsura will be back in a day or two. According to our spies, the government is in turmoil, thanks to the work you've done, and things are moving a lot faster than any of us expected, so he's coming back early. I know he'll want to talk to you when he's here." And with that, Iizuka took his leave. 

'Maybe I was right about this job not lasting long after all,' Kenshin thought hopefully.

It was a lovely, crisp fall day, and Kenshin couldn't bear the thought of staying inside, so he decided to borrow a fishing pole he had seen in the storeroom and go down to the river. He figured Okami would probably be thrilled if he caught something she could use to supplement what she had for dinner, and it would take his mind off things. As he headed for the storeroom, Yoshida caught up with him.

"Himura, I owe you an apology," he said.

"For what?" Kenshin asked as he started clearing things away from the fishing poles.

"For being a jerk. Let me go with you so we can talk."

The two of them left the inn and walked down to the river in silence. When they got there, they picked a shady spot to sit where the fishing was likely to be good. 

"You know that Sato and I were with Iizuka last night on the clean-up squad," Yoshida started. Kenshin nodded. 

"Then you know we saw you in action." Kenshin nodded again.

"I still can't believe what I saw. I didn't think a human could move as fast as you did. I didn't think a human could do with a sword what you did. And when you were done, your eyes… well, they almost didn't seem human, either—they were death. It scared the shit out of me, and Sato just about flipped out."

Kenshin stiffened as he listened, but said nothing.

"So now Sato's asking for a transfer, and Tanaka'll probably go along with whatever he does. He was pressuring me at breakfast to do the same thing. I didn't know what to think…."

Kenshin cut him off. "Maybe you _should_ be scared of me."

Yoshida stared at him. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"When I was fighting those men last night, I almost enjoyed it, until I realized what I had done," Kenshin said, not daring to look at him.

Yoshida didn't respond. 

"I've had three jobs now," Kenshin continued, still staring straight ahead, "and each time it seems to steal something from inside of me that I can't quite get back. It's getting harder and harder to feel normal again."

The two sat some more in silence, his words hanging like a cloud over them both.

Finally, Yoshida broke the silence. "I know what you have to do," he finally said. "I know what it can do to a person—it can drive you mad. I don't want that to happen to you. Sato can go do whatever he wants. I decided this morning that I'm staying here to keep an eye on you." 

Some of the tension seemed to leave Kenshin at this, but a profound sadness still seemed to envelop him. He had finally admitted it to himself—he _had_ enjoyed that fight last night, and it _was_ getting harder to feel like his old self. What was happening to him! Then his thoughts turned to something that had been bothering him since lunch.

"Yoshida," Kenshin asked quietly, "is it true that hitokiris are dead in three months?"

"What?! Who told you that!"

"Shinzu," Kenshin answered.

"God-damned bastard," Yoshida growled. "That guy sure has it out for you."

"So it's true."

"I didn't say that!" Yoshida responded quickly. "To be honest, I don't know, but with your skills, I'm guessing you'll live a lot longer than I will—probably long enough to see your grandkids." He stood up and slapped Kenshin on the back. "Come on," he said. "What you need is a good drink of sake, and I know just the place."

Kenshin had caught two fish already, so he agreed to call it a day. They quickly stopped by the inn to give a thrilled Okami the fish and then went to a nearby bar. Whether it was the sake or the comraderie, it did make Kenshin feel better.

When they returned to the inn, it was clear a fight was going on. Shouting, cursing, shoving—the sounds, and the men, all spilled out onto the little side street. As they came closer, they could hear snippets of an argument.

"….you double-crossed us, you son of a bitch!" It was Hamada's voice, followed by a rumble that Yoshida picked out as Shinzu's voice. "….Yeah, with that whore Yugao!" Hamada was yelling again.

Yugao? That was Kumiko's work name! When Hamada had dragged Kenshin to the pleasure district to gamble, Hamada had bet with Shinzu that Kenshin would not stay the night with a woman; Kenshin and Kumiko made sure that Hamada lost the bet. Kenshin stopped where he was and grabbed Yoshida's arm.

"I think this has something to do with me—we'd better get out of here," he said urgently.

"You? Wha…" but Yoshida never got a chance to finish his sentence. Hamada had just caught sight of Kenshin and was charging toward him, sword drawn and shouting obscenities. Kenshin easily sidestepped him, but Hamada turned and tried to attack again. Kenshin was about to sidestep once more when he realized that Yoshida was now behind him; Hamada's sword would hit Yoshida if Kenshin moved away. Faster than the thought even crossed his mind, he yanked his sheathed sword from his belt. Grabbing it with both hands, he swung it out and up, causing Hamada's katana to fly harmlessly from his grip. Hands now appeared out of nowhere to grab Hamada and hold him back as he continued to kick and curse. Shinzu strode up and spat into Hamada's face. "You idiot—you can't even beat a boy," Shinzu said in a taunting voice. Then he walked away.

Kenshin seemed riveted to the spot, crouched in a defensive stance and clutching his sheathed sword in front of him. His eyes were narrowed and glowed with an amber fire that warned the other men not to come near him.

"What the hell is going on out here?" It was Iizuka, who had just come running to find out what all the noise was about.

"It's nothing. It's under control," Kenshin said in an icy, dangerous voice. It made the hair on Yoshida's arms stand on end.

The men backed off, leaving Kenshin standing alone. Yoshida, who was still behind him, now moved to stand next to him. Instinctively, Kenshin lashed out, knocking Yoshida to the ground.

"Settle down, kid!" Yoshida shouted as he rubbed his bruised chest. "It's just me!"

Kenshin shook his head as if trying to clear his mind. His eyes returned to their normal violet color, and he looked apologetically at Yoshida.

"Are you all right?" Kenshin asked softly as he realized what he had done. He reached out a hand to help his friend up.

"Let's go inside," Yoshida responded. He took Kenshin by the arm and dragged him past the men and into the inn. Then he pushed him up the stairs to his room.

"What the hell was that all about?" a frantic Yoshida asked once he had closed the shoji.

Kenshin let out a long sigh. "Last week, Hamada and his pal convinced me to go gambling with them in Gion, but it was really to make me stay with one of the women there," he explained. "He apparently had a bet with Shinzu that I wouldn't stay the night. I wouldn't have, either, except Shinzu had paid her in advance to keep me all night."

Yoshida was still rubbing his bruised chest. "_You_ spent the night with a _woman_?!" he asked incredulously.

"I slept in the corner, she slept on the futon," Kenshin answered quickly. "Listen, Yoshida, I'm really sorry about hurting you…"

"Yeah, and just what happened to you out there, anyway?" Yoshida asked.

Kenshin shook his head. "I don't know. I knew if I moved, Hamada would've ended up killing you accidently, so I knocked his sword out of his hands, just like I was taught by my shishou. But then it was like…." –he stopped for a second, trying to find the right words but having a hard time of it—"like the excitement of fighting took over, and I couldn't stop. I don't understand it…."

He looked over to his friend, who was now gingerly feeling along his ribs for fractures. 

"I feel like I'm losing myself," Kenshin added softly.

Yoshida looked up, then winced as he started to stand. "Kid, you've got one hell of a sword arm, you know that?" He walked over to the window and looked out. The men had all gone back inside now, and things were quiet.

"Why don't you take it easy until dinner," Yoshida finally said. "That guy Shinzu is hard enough to stomach, but that idiot Hamada… It'd be enough to make a grown man go crazy, let alone a boy like you. I told you I was gonna stay here and keep an eye on you, and I plan to do just that." Then, seeing the concern on Kenshin's face, he added, " Oh, don't worry about me—I'm fine, no breaks."

As Yoshida left the room and pulled the shoji shut, he ran into Iizuka, who was about to knock at Kenshin's door. "Leave him be," Yoshida said, and he told Iizuka the story about Hamada's bet with Shinzu.

Iizuka rolled his eyes. "This acting commander business is really getting on my nerves," he said in an irritated voice. "You've got to stroke all the egos, break up all the fights, and then they still expect you not to get distracted from planning long-term strategy. Well, I may not have caught the whole fight, but one thing I know—Himura sure looked dangerous. That innocent-little-boy act sure covers up the killer in him!"

"I get the distinct impression that that's no act," Yoshida said.

"Hmpf," Iizuka muttered. "Well, whatever, he sure is damned effective!"

Dinner thankfully passed without incident. Shinzu had decided not to grace the inn with his presence, preferring to visit his favorite haunts in the pleasure district instead, and Hamada nursed his wounded pride by eating in his room. The men kept their distance from Kenshin, but that was fine with him as he had no desire to do anything that might inadvertently create more enemies. Instead, he sat with Yoshida, who told him tales of his years as a ronin. As the meal went on, Kenshin felt his good humor return. So, when Yoshida suggested they invite some of the newcomers to play dice, he smiled mischievously and agreed. Between the two of them, they managed to relieve several of the new men from Chousu of much of their past month's wages. For the first time in days, he actually went to bed with a smile on his face.

The good feeling didn't last the night. It was around 4 a.m. when he was awakened by the sound of someone banging on the front door of the inn. He was instantly alert for any hostile ki, but the ki he sensed was that of an ally, not an enemy. He closed his eyes to drift back to sleep. Then he heard voices, the sound of shojis opening and closing all along the hallway, and the sound of men running down the stairs. Once again he sat upright, wide awake. Within seconds, his own shoji was thrown open, and Iizuka came bounding in.

"Himura, quick—get up! We need you right away!" He was already leaning down to grab Kenshin's blue gi to hand it to him.

"Just found out the Mimiwarigumi plan to assassinate one of our strongest supporters before dawn—him and his whole family! I've just sent 10 men to help the six on guard at the guy's house, but I need someone who knows where the safe houses are to get the family out to safety. That's you and Shinzu. Come on!"

In a flash, Kenshin was up and in his uniform. He ran down the stairs after Iizuka, meeting up with Shinzu at the door. Shinzu glared at Kenshin, but Iizuka fixed him with an icy stare.

"One taunt out of either of you, and I swear I'll kill you both myself!" he threatened. "We don't have time for this! Follow me!"

They ran out into the night, keeping to the shadows as they made their way as quickly and quietly as they could. In less than 15 minutes, they came to the home of an obviously wealthy man. Already, the men who had been sent ahead had taken up their guard posts at the front gate and all around the perimeter. 

Iizuka led Kenshin and Shinzu into the house. Grabbing Shinzu, he said, "Take Kaminaga to the safe house near Gion, then stay with him. Protect him at all costs! I'll meet you there. Himura, you take his wife and kids to the shrine on the outskirts of the city. If anyone attacks, you know what to do. Quick!"

The men split up. Kenshin ran down the hallway towards the sound of a child crying. In a room at the end of the hall, he found a woman in her '20s hurriedly dressing a two-year-old girl and trying to wrap up an infant. He burst into the room, saying in a cracking voice, "Onna-san, hurry! We must leave right away!"

She looked at him and burst into tears. "They sent us a child? Heaven help us, they sent a child to save us?" 

"Please, Onna-san, there's no time to argue," Kenshin said as he quickly helped her tie the infant to her back. 

He knew the woman couldn't run with both the baby and the two-year-old, so he decided to carry the toddler on his own back. The little girl, however, was still crying and clinging to her mother. It was imperative that they make no noise once they were out on the streets, but the girl seemed inconsolable. Then he noticed a doll sticking out from the child's bed. He grabbed it and handed it to the girl. 

"Her name?" he asked the woman urgently, indicating the girl.

"Emi," she responded.

Kenshin knelt down in front of the girl. "Emi-chan, it's very important that you take good care of this doll and make sure she stays very quiet." The girl quieted down. "Now come ride on my back." 

He lifted her up and quickly swung her onto his back, placing her arms around his neck and her legs around his chest. As he did, they could hear shouts from the front of the house—the Mimiwarigumi were arriving.

"Quick, this way!" the woman cried.

She led them to a small gate at the rear of the yard that let out into a small alley. Kenshin told her what direction they needed to go, and she started leading the way. As they turned the first corner, however, Kenshin sensed about five men about to enter the alley they were just leaving. Sure enough, a cry went up of "There they are!"

Kenshin thought fast. He saw an intersecting alley not far ahead, so he pushed the woman around that corner and handed her the two-year-old.

"Hide in the nearest doorway, and don't move, no matter what you hear," he warned. "I'll be back for you." He jumped up to the roof and raced along it until he could see his attackers. Then he jumped down and stood, sword drawn, as the squad of five men approached. 

"You will not pass," Kenshin said as the men stopped to assess the situation.

"Move aside, boy!" one of the men yelled before the five men charged.

Kenshin stood his ground, waiting for them to get closer. Then suddenly, he was all motion. Before the first two men could react, he had run forward with blinding speed and sliced them in two. Now the other three attacked, but his sword was too fast for them, and he deflected their blows easily. Then he was airborn, and with a mighty swing he beheaded the man closest to him before landing three devastating blows on the second. That left one man, who now stood transfixed by what he saw. Kenshin assumed the battoujutsu stance, waiting for him to attack. When the man seemed unable to move, Kenshin shot towards him. The man now realized the danger he was in and tried to run forward, but Kenshin was on him in less than a second, delivering three quick blows to his head, neck, and chest. The man fell, dead.

As he stood catching his breath and cleaning his sword, he cast his senses for any other hostile ki, but sensed only the presence of the woman and her children. He wiped the blood from his hands and face as best he could and quickly ran back to where they were hiding. The woman took one look at the blood that covered him and nearly fainted. 

"Onna-san, Onna-san," Kenshin whispered urgently as he slapped her face gently. "We must get going!" 

Now the little girl opened her mouth to start crying. He quickly put his hand over her mouth and said, "Shhh!" Then he hoisted her once again onto his back.

Kenshin vaguely remembered the layout of alleys in this neighborhood, so he grabbed the woman's hand and started leading them through the alleys in the direction he knew would take them to the outskirts of the city. It was now dawn, and the city was starting to come awake. Twice they had to stop and hide, pressing themselves into doorways, as small groups of Bakufu soldiers came near on their way back to their barracks after night duty. It took nearly forty-five minutes to make what should have been a twenty-minute trip, but their progress was slowed by the need to stay away from major thoroughfares and the difficulty of running with a child on his back. 

Finally, as the sky filled with the beautiful reds and pinks of a new day, they reached the outskirts of town. He could tell from the dead weight on his back that the little girl had fallen asleep; the baby was just starting to stir.

"Kenkaku-san," the woman said, tugging at his arm, "the baby is waking. I'm going to need to feed her, or she'll start crying."

Kenshin had not let his guard down for the entire trip and knew there was no danger at the moment, so he led her to a small stand of trees and motioned for her to sit. He turned his back to give the woman some privacy, but he kept himself on alert. After ten minutes, the woman was done, and he helped her tie the baby once again to her back. In another ten minutes, they were at the gate of the small shrine he had visited on his tour of safe houses. 

It was the monk he had met, Toshiro, who answered his knock. When the monk saw who it was, he quickly ushered them into the monastery without a word and led them down some stairs to what looked like a root cellar.

"I did not expect to see you again so soon," Toshiro said to Kenshin as he quickly went about finding cushions and tatami mats for the woman and her children. The woman helped clear space for the items, and Kenshin gently lifted the sleeping girl from his back and placed her head on one of the cushions.

"The Mimiwarigumi were going to assassinate the entire family," Kenshin said. "We found out in the nick of time. Her husband is at a different location. Iizuka said you'd know what to do."

"Indeed I do," Toshiro replied, "but before you go back, I think you'd better get a change of clothes and a bath."

Kenshin looked down at his clothes and winced—his entire front was covered in blood, and he felt bits and pieces of something he didn't want to contemplate in his hair. No wonder the woman had almost fainted! Toshiro went upstairs and came back a moment later carrying a monk's robe. Handing it to Kenshin, he said, "It's the smallest one I could find. Why don't you change into it. We'll take care of washing out your clothes."

Kenshin took the robe gratefully and turned to leave, but the woman stopped him.

"Moushou-san," she said, acknowledging what he had done for her and her children, "there is no way I can ever repay you for saving our lives. May I at least know your name to include in my prayers?"

"I can't tell you that," he answered softly. "No one can know my name, and you must forget you ever saw me." Then he followed Toshiro to go wash up.

_____________________________________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms: 

Gaijin: a foreigner. After all, Kenshin has red hair….

Haori: warm overcoat.

Kiheitai: Takasugi Shinsaku's private army in Chousu, made up primarily of peasants and merchants.

Onna-san: equivalent to 'Madam.'

Kenkaku: swordsman.

Moushou: according to the online dictionary I use, it means "brave warrior."

****

Author's Note: At least the problems with Shinzu and Hamada are counterbalanced by Yoshida's friendship, otherwise things would be bleak indeed! Next chapter: things go to hell in a handbasket.

As always, many, many thanks to all our reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie, Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, AC, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here (love that name!), and Tracey Claybon. Also, reader J. Doyle has drawn a wonderful fanart of Kenshin flying a kite, from chapter 5; check it out at Haku Baiku's website, at hakubaiku.com (thank you, Haku Baiku, for adding my stories to your site!).

****

CoConspirator's Note: Who knew our readers would be so talented!! 

Oh, the drama!! We should make this into a soap opera (as if it wasn't already)! Things are only going to get more complicated in the next chapter. Comments, questions, criticisms, and all that stuff are quite welcome. Ja ne!!


	9. chapter 9

Can life get any worse for Kenshin? Read on.

Life can't get any worse for me, for I do not own the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They, alas, all belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro and the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights! 

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 9

Kenshin had now been in Kyoto nearly two weeks and in that time had seen and experienced many new things, but nothing had quite prepared him for breakfast this particular morning. He had arrived at the shrine that was a safe house shortly after dawn, along with the family he had saved from assassination, and now he found himself invited to share a meal with the monks. He himself was temporarily wearing a monk's robe, since his own clothes had needed immediate washing, and although Toshiro had said it was the smallest they had, it still puddled around his feet and hung down way past his hands. Now he watched the monks at their devotions before partaking of their spartan meal of thin soup and rice. It was all very strange, yet calming in its own way. One of the monks seemed to be quite young, perhaps in his early '20s, and considering the turbulent times in which they lived, Kenshin wondered what had led him to choose the path of Buddha.

When Toshiro suggested that he stay a little longer to catch up on his sleep, however, he declined. He was anxious to get back to the inn and let Iizuka know that the family he had been entrusted with was safe. Unfortunately, his clothes were not dry, and he couldn't walk through town in an oversized monk's robe, so Toshiro sent one of the monks out to borrow some smaller clothes from a nearby family. What the monk brought back was still ill-fitting, but it was better than nothing. The hat that came with the clothes, however, had definitely seen better days—it looked as if it had been partially eaten by a goat. All in all, Kenshin looked like a beggar, complete with his bundle of wet clothes, except that he had two swords tucked into his belt.

It was mid-morning by the time he arrived back at the inn. The few men who were around smirked at the sight of the bedraggled boy, but Kenshin just ignored them and headed for Iizuka's room. Iizuka, however, had not yet returned, so he slowly climbed the stairs to his own room. He was starting to feel the effects of little sleep and much exertion. To his surprise, he found someone else's belongings in a neat pile in one corner of his room. There was a note on top from Yoshida. 

"We all have to double up in our rooms," the note read, "because of all the new men who are arriving. I figured if someone was going to have to room with you, it might as well be me. —Yoshida."

Kenshin let out a soft chuckle at his friend's thoughtfulness, then went to hang up his wet clothes by the window. He was dead tired—exhausted, in fact—and he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. He hadn't used his futon in several days, having slept sitting up most times, but now he unrolled it and flopped himself down, not even bothering to change his clothes. He was out like a light. 

He had intended only to take a short nap until lunchtime, but when he awoke, he noted that the sun was way over in the west—late afternoon, he guessed. He saw a tray of food sitting just inside his door ('Okami looking out for me again,' he smiled), but he left it for later. Instead, he quickly changed into his own clothes and ran downstairs to find Iizuka to give his report.

"Well, the sleeping beauty arises," Iizuka commented wryly as Kenshin entered his room.

"Iizuka!" yelped an embarrassed Kenshin.

"Just kidding, just kidding," Iizuka laughed, holding his hands up in mock fear. "So, I hear you got the Kaminaga family to the shrine safely."

"How did you know?" Kenshin asked in surprise.

"Oh, the monks managed to get a message to us," he answered breezily. "And Shinzu managed to get Kaminaga-san himself to safety as well. Today Kaminaga paraded himself prominently downtown by the Imperial Palace—with me and Shinzu in attendance, of course—just to let the Bakufu know they had failed. You ran into trouble, though."

"How did you know that?" Kenshin asked, once again surprised by Iizuka's knowledge.

"Five bodies sprawled on a street," he answered bluntly.

"We had barely left the house when they came," Kenshin explained. "I managed to get the lady and her children around a corner and into a doorway. Then I took care of the men pursuing us."

"Yeah, I'll say you did!" Iizuka laughed. "It took us awhile to beat off the squad that was attacking the main house. By the time we checked around back, all we saw was blood—the Mimiwarigumi must have gotten there first and taken away the bodies. At the time, we didn't know if the blood was from you or from them. It was while we were downtown that we heard about the five dead men. They could tell it was just one man who killed them all, you know. So you want to know how they're explaining what happened? They're saying it was done by the battousai of the Ishin Shishi!"

"The what?" Kenshin asked.

"The battousai—you know, a master of battoujutsu—you! Now they're _really_ scared! That was some calling card you left!" 

Calling card? Iizuka made it sound so casual. Five men dead, and he just thinks of it as a calling card. Strangely, though, it didn't bother Kenshin all that much. He was becoming numb.

"So what happens now to the lady and her children?" Kenshin asked, pushing thoughts of the dead men from his mind.

"I imagine the monks will spirit them off to Chousu or something," he replied. You ought to ask Katsura—he's expected back sometime this evening."

'I really do feel numb,' Kenshin thought as he left Iizuka. It wasn't just that he felt numb about killing five men, it was that he felt numb about everything. He felt nothing—no joy, no sorrow, no happiness, no sadness—about anything. He wished he could go visit Kumiko right away to make himself feel better, but it was too late in the day for that. He wished he could wander down by the river to be comforted by its gentle sounds, but a cold, raw rain had started—a reminder that winter was not far off. Instead, he went back to his room and stared out the window as he ate what Okami had left for him on the tray.

Not long after, Yoshida came back from his day's duties. Kenshin greeted him, but without much enthusiasm.

"Hey, hail the conquering hero and all that!" Yoshida said heartily, despite Kenshin's seeming lack of spirit.

"Yeah, right," Kenshin responded.

"Hey, what's wrong? Still tired? I know they rousted you out of bed pretty early this morning."

"It was a rough assignment," Kenshin replied.

"I heard," Yoshida commented as he shook the rain from his haori. "Five guys you got, huh?"

"Yes."

"They attacked you, though."

"Yes," Kenshin said. "And all I feel is numb."

"Well, Shinzu sure doesn't feel numb," Yoshida said. "He got to save the big man, but you got all the glory, and boy, is he steamed about it!"

"Just what I need," Kenshin said glumly.

"You know what I think of that guy?" Yoshida asked. He went to his pile of belongings and pulled out a piece of paper, a brush, and an inkstone. Kenshin watched as he prepared some ink and started drawing a picture.

"I didn't know you were an artist," Kenshin said, intrigued.

"I'm not—I do caricatures. Just watch."

As Kenshin watched, Yoshida drew a horse whose rear end was in the foreground. As Yoshida started drawing the tail, Kenshin noted that it looked like a samurai's topknot. Then, in two deft brush strokes, Yoshida placed on the horse's rear haunches a mustache that looked suspiciously like the trademark mustache of Shinzu Tora. Kenshin couldn't help keeping a tiny hint of a smile from creeping onto his face. 

"Ever write any haiku?" Yoshida asked.

"Not much," Kenshin answered. "Why?"

"Well, here's the finishing touch," Yoshida winked. Then he wrote:

A samurai's soul.

A horse's nobility.

They meet in the end.

"I'll never look at Shinzu Tora the same way again," Kenshin grinned. Then he broke out into his first real laughter in weeks. 

At dinner, the two sat together, both having a hard time keeping a straight face every time they caught sight of Shinzu, who just glared back at them. They only managed to control themselves when Yoshida's friend Tanaka came to sit with them part-way through the meal. Yoshida tensed up as the man sat down.

"You're giving up Sato's company?" Yoshida asked rather impolitely.

"Come on, Yoshida, lighten up," Tanaka said. "You know what Sato's problem is, and I can't say as I blame him. If your father had been killed by a…." He paused, looked at Kenshin, then reconsidered his words. "I mean, if you felt as strongly as he does….well, you know what I mean."

"So what brings you to our table, then?" Yoshida asked.

"I value your friendship, that's all, and I wanted your young friend here to know I don't have any bad feelings towards him myself." He bowed slightly to Kenshin, who bowed back. "But if Sato gets transferred, I plan to go with him. We've been buddies since we were kids, and there's no sense splitting up now. It's nothing personal, that's all."

Yoshida nodded in acknowledgement. Then Tanaka left to rejoin Sato.

Kenshin's face clouded over. "It's not right for me to come between your friends like this," he said as he moved to get up.

Yoshida pushed him down again. "Kid, you're not coming between us. We knew each other when we were little, sure, but I was gone six years. People change—I know I sure did. In six years, you'll be different, too. If you're lucky, the changes will all be for the best."

Kenshin could only hope he was right, because the changes he felt in himself after only two weeks were tearing his heart out.

Dinner was winding down when Katsura and his men arrived. Katsura strode into the dining room, and cheers erupted from the men. He was somewhat dirty and disheveled from traveling, but he still went around shaking hands and saying a few words to each and every man. Kenshin noted that he said more than a few words to Shinzu, who broke out into a wide, self-satisfied smile at what was said. Finally, Katsura made his way over to the far side of the room, where Yoshida and Kenshin were sitting. He shook hands and chatted briefly with Yoshida, then shook Kenshin's hand. As he did, he said, "Come find me after breakfast tomorrow." Kenshin bowed in acknowledgement. Then Katsura left to iron out room assignments with Okami.

"That guy sure knows how to work the men," Yoshida said admiringly. "He's got us eating out of the palm of his hand."

There wasn't much to do after dinner, especially since it was still raining, so Kenshin sat and listened as some of the men entertained themselves by singing bawdy songs. 'Some of these lyrics would make Hiko blush!' he thought to himself as he started to nod off. A short while later, he was startled awake by a tap on the shoulder. He instinctively grabbed for his sword, but he saw that it was only Yoshida. Why was he getting so jumpy all of a sudden, he wondered? "You'll sleep better upstairs," Yoshida pointed out, so Kenshin retired for the night.

He did not sleep soundly, however. His mind insisted on playing and replaying the events of his early-morning mission until he could no longer stand to watch himself kill the five attackers. Then the dream transformed the child he had carried on his back into an enemy, and in his dream he beheaded her. Her mother's wails of grief sounded just like the cries he had heard when he killed the Bakufu supply chief in the man's own house. He must have cried out in his sleep because when he awoke, shaking and drenched in sweat, Yoshida was hovering over him.

"What happened?" Yoshida asked worriedly. He looked all around the room, checking to make sure they weren't under attack or something. "There's no one here, everything's ok. Calm down, kid!"

It took Kenshin a moment to realize that he was awake, that it had all been a dream. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I had a horrible dream…I'm sorry…I…." He clutched his head in his hands as if trying to squeeze the memory out of his brain. 

Yoshida went over to his things and grabbed a small flask. He held it out to Kenshin and said, "Here, take a swig. It's sake. It'll help calm you down."

Kenshin took the flask gratefully and took a long sip. He felt the burning sensation as it slid down his throat, then waited as the expected warmth spread to his hands and feet. "Thanks," he said as the tension started to dissipate.

After about 15 minutes, he felt calm enough to try to sleep again, but this time he decided to sit in the corner, sword propped on his shoulder. He didn't know what it would accomplish, but somehow he thought maybe this way he could ward off any more bad dreams. Maybe it worked, for he managed to sleep the rest of the night undisturbed.

For the first time in days, he awoke with the sun and decided to go help in the kitchen. Okami was in a frenzy. Without even an 'Ohayou,' she said, "Himura-chan, thank the gods you're here!" Then she thrust two buckets into his hands and pushed him out the door to the well. When he returned with the buckets, she handed him a knife and a huge pile of fruit and vegetables to chop. Kishi and Yuka were already at work making soup and stirring the rice, while Okami raced around cooking eggs and fish and muttering under her breath about all the extra men she had to feed. Yuka, meanwhile, kept giving Kenshin looks of unabashed adoration while Kishi started trying to flirt with him again. He had to remind her more than once that he really wasn't interested. It was driving him crazy.

Worst of all, however, was when Kishi accidently bumped into him, causing him to nick himself with the knife. It was just a tiny cut, but it caused his finger to bleed. He stopped, transfixed, as a vision of his bloodied hands from the battle earlier that morning came before his eyes. He dropped the knife and hurriedly wiped his hands on a towel, but all he could see was the vision of his bloodied hands. He wiped his hands again and again, but still the vision would not go away. Finally, he went to the washroom off the kitchen and rinsed his hands until finally the vision stopped. He went back to his chopping, but the rhythm of the work, which he used to find so relaxing, now set his nerves on edge. He really needed that visit to Kumiko to help him calm down!

Breakfast was positively claustrophobic, what with the six men Shinzu had brought with him and the ten men that came with Katsura all squeezed in with the twenty who already were living at the inn. Grunts of men eating mingled with the yelps of men being elbowed accidently as someone would pick up a teacup or reach for a bowl. Shinzu, Katsura, and Katsura's second-in-command, Katagai, were nowhere in sight, however. Kenshin heard one of the men say something about them having a private breakfast meeting. That was fine with him—the less he saw of Shinzu, the happier he was.

When breakfast was over, he went to find Katsura, but the meeting with Shinzu was still going on, so he waited out in the courtyard. After the previous night's rain, the morning air felt pleasingly brisk and smelled like it had been freshly cleaned. It would be a good day to go out to the meadow and practice his kata, he thought. 

After about half an hour of waiting, he saw Shinzu leave the meeting room, so he went to knock at the doorway. Katsura waved him right in. 

"Konnichi-wa, Katsura-san," Kenshin said, greeting him formally and bowing low.

"Himura!" Katsura said, smiling and standing to greet him. "Looks like you've gotten a bit taller since I was here two weeks ago!"

Kenshin stood up, somewhat flustered. He hadn't expected any comments about his appearance, but now that Katsura mentioned it, he did notice that his hand-me-down green gi wasn't hanging quite so much beyond his fingers as it used to. "I guess I'm growing," he managed to respond.

"And your voice has gotten a bit lower as well," Katsura noted with a knowing smile.

Well, now that he mentioned it, Kenshin realized his voice hadn't been cracking all that much anymore. Maybe he was over the worst of it? "Um, well, my voice seems to be changing," he mumbled.

Katsura motioned for Kenshin to sit down. Then he said, "Are you handling your job all right?"

Kenshin looked at him, trying to figure out what he meant. "You mean doing my missions? Yes, I've managed to do them."

"I know that, and I'm very pleased with the work you've done," Katsura said, "but are you coping all right with the aftermath?"

The aftermath? Kenshin looked down at his hands, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. How could he tell this man, the leader of the Chousu Ishin Shishi, that the aftermath was eating him up, disturbing his sleep, robbing him of all feeling? "I'm learning," he finally said in a quiet voice.

Katsura's eyes bored into Kenshin, trying to divine what was going on in Kenshin's mind. Kenshin, however, was too good at masking his own ki, and Katsura had trouble reading him. When Kenshin looked up briefly, however, Katsura noted a fleeting look of sadness in the boy's eyes before they changed to a look of determination.

"I understand you've had a bit of a problem with Shinzu Tora," Katsura said, changing the subject." Kenshin opened his mouth to say something, but Katsura held up his hand. "You don't have to explain yourself. One of my men saw what happened that day he challenged you, and I must say you handled yourself commendably. Shinzu's a fine, fine swordsman—one of the best I've seen—and he's from a very prominent Chousu family. He's got a bit of an ego…" —Katsura smirked and raised his eyebrow as he said it— "…but he seems to inspire quite a bit of loyalty from many of the men. The Ishin Shishi plan to establish a presence in Edo, and I'm sending the six men he brought from Chousu plus ten men from this inn to Edo to do the job, with him in command. They leave tomorrow."

"Aah," was all Kenshin said, but inside he was jumping for joy. He just hoped Yoshida wouldn't be one of the ten.

"Frankly, the fact that we're ready to establish that presence so soon is entirely due to your services," Katsura continued. "Because of the work you've done already, things are moving along much faster than we expected. We are very pleased."

This brought to mind the question that had been bothering Kenshin ever since Shinzu's comment about hitokiris lasting only three months.

"Katsura-san, may I ask, how long do you think you'll need me to do this job?" 

Katsura hadn't expected a question like that; he looked pensive. Then he said, "That's really hard to say. All war is a gamble, and we're gambling that with what you're doing for us, combined with continuing attacks on munitions and supply lines and Bakufu supporters, we'll be able to destabilize the Bakufu government enough by spring that the emperor will be able to assert complete control. And that, my friend, will be the end of the Shogunate. But that's _if_ we're successful and _if_ they don't find some way to defeat us and _if_ we can keep some of the more radical Ishin Shishi factions from doing something stupid."

Kenshin was staring at his hands again. That was a lot of 'ifs.'

"Believe me," Katsura said gently, "none of us enjoys the thought of sending you out to do what we've asked you to do. We all hope it won't have to go on for too long. In the meantime, you've got a roof over your head, Okami is looking out for you—she chewed me out last night over you!—and it looks like you're settling in pretty well. I'm leaving Katagai here as commander for awhile, so I'm sure things will calm down nicely. Keep up the good work." 

"Hai," Kenshin said. "Thank you, Katsura-san." Then he bowed and left the room.

Spring. Katsura had said things might take until spring. Kenshin had thought maybe he'd have to do his job for just a few weeks, but Katsura was talking about six months! Well, he'd just have to buck up and find a way to survive until spring, that's all. 

Before the meeting, he had been trying to decide which to do first—practice his kata or visit Kumiko—but now he decided to definitely visit Kumiko first. He knew he'd enjoy his kata more with a light heart, and right now his heart felt like lead. As he left the inn to head toward Gion, Iizuka caught up with him.

"Where're you headed?" Iizuka asked as he walked alongside Kenshin.

The last thing Kenshin wanted to tell him was Gion, so he said merely, "Just down to the river to wander a bit."

"Mind if I walk part-way with you?"

Kenshin nodded. He didn't really want any company, but he couldn't quite say no.

"You heard Katagai's taking over command of our group?" Iizuka asked.

"Katsura-san told me," Kenshin said.

"Well, that's a load off my mind, let me tell you!" Iizuka said. "Intelligence and supplies, that's what I'm good at, not this nursemaid business to twenty guys with egos!"

"You didn't want to be acting commander?" Kenshin asked, somewhat surprised.

"Are you kidding? I don't want the responsibility. All I want is to get through this in one piece and on the winning side."

"What do you mean?" Kenshin asked.

"Listen, I'm the second son of a second son," Iizuka explained. "My family may be samurai, but we're as poor as dirt. When my father goes, my brother'll get nothing, and I'll get less than nothing. Merchant is where the money is, and I'd be damned good at it. Ever hear of a samurai merchant, though? Of course not—can't do it under this god-damned system! But when this war is over, I'll be positioned just where I want to be because I'll have fought for the winning side. Like I always say, you take what life gives you and work it to your own advantage, and that's exactly what I intend to do."

"And what if it ends up you've been on the losing side?" Kenshin asked. It was possible, after all….

Iizuka snorted. "Not a chance. Don't worry, I'll make sure I'm on the winning side! Well, here's where I turn off." And with that, he gave a quick wave and disappeared down a side street.

Not exactly a very idealistic reason to fight for the Ishin Shishi, Kenshin mused, but he was probably right about taking what life gives you and working it to your own advantage. 'I'll have to remember that,' he thought.

Soon he was in the Gion district, and he made his way to the back door of the inn where Kumiko lived. The burly man he had met before answered his knock.

"Ohayou gozaimasu," Kenshin said politely. "Is Kumiko-san in?" 

"She's gone," the man growled.

"When will she be back?" Kenshin asked.

"I mean she's gone for good," the man said. "Go away."

He tried to slam the door, but Kenshin put out his hand to hold it open. "What do you mean, she's gone for good?"

"Listen, you, some high-class samurai came by yesterday and paid big money to send her down to Osaka. She left last night."

"What?!"

"You heard me, she left last night. Now get outta here!"

"Wait!" Kenshin shouted, keeping his hand on the door. "Who did this? What if she didn't want to go?"

"Women ain't got no choice in these matters," the man said. "Anyway, he's a good customer, the one with the fancy mustache. Now, leave!"

Suddenly, a small form shot through the door yelling "Nii-san!" and wrapped itself around Kenshin's middle. It was the little five-year-old boy he had met down at the river with Kumiko. The man grabbed the boy roughly and pulled him away.

"He ain't your nii-san, and you ain't his kin! Now go back inside!" Then, turning to glare at Kenshin, he said, "That samurai warned us about you, too, so you'd better leave and never come back!"

"Warned you? What did he say about me?" 

"You're dangerous, that's what he said, and we don't want no danger here. Now get out!"

Kenshin let go of the door. A rich customer with a fancy mustache? Someone who would tell people that Kenshin was dangerous? There was only one person he could think of who fit that description, and it made his blood boil—Shinzu Tora. He could feel a rage take over him as he made his way back to the inn. He stormed into the building searching for the man, but without success. Finally, masking his anger with difficulty, he asked one of the men who had come with Shinzu from Chousu, only to be told that Shinzu had gone out and was expected back shortly.

Kenshin decided to wait for him, but not at the inn. Instead, he went down close to where the inn's side street intersected with the main thoroughfare. There he quietly jumped onto a roof to keep watch. It seemed like an eternity, but finally he saw Shinzu approaching. He let the man turn onto the side street. Then he jumped down, catlike, behind him and in a flash grabbed the man by the arm, spun him around, pushed him up against a building, and had his sword to his throat.

"What did you do with Kumiko?" Kenshin said in a dangerous voice, his eyes glowing amber.

Shinzu was startled, but he hid it well. "Kumiko?" he laughed as he glared back at Kenshin. "I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"Yugao—Kumiko. You know exactly who I'm talking about," Kenshin said even more dangerously. 

"That whore? Really! A boy your age cavorting with women like…" Kenshin pushed the blade a little tighter against his neck. "I'm having her sent to Osaka," Shinzu croaked. "It's for her own safety—got to save her from killers like you."

"How dare you," Kenshin growled, grabbing the front of Shinzu's gi in his fist.

Shinzu tried to push him away, but Kenshin had him pinned in a way that prevented the much larger man from doing much of anything. 

"Listen," Shinzu spat, "who do you think you are? You're a killer, that's all you are, and that's all you'll ever be. It's up to people like me to make sure innocent people don't associate with the likes of you."

Now Kenshin pulled even tighter on the front of Shinzu's gi, for he realized just what the man was saying. "You," Kenshin hissed. "It was you who sent the stableboy, Shozo, off to Takasugi, wasn't it." 

"Killers can't have friends," Shinzu said with a sneer.

"I'll kill you," Kenshin snarled. "I'll kill you for that!" and he made ready to carry out his threat, but Shinzu continued to sneer.

"I thought we were supposed to be on the same side," Shinzu laughed. "You said so yourself, remember?"

Kenshin stopped. What was he doing? He was just about to kill this man out of anger—what was happening to him? He removed his sword from Shinzu's neck. Then he grabbed the man's gi again and roughly hurled him away from the wall. Shinzu rubbed his neck and straightened his clothes. 

"A killer—that's all you'll ever be," Shinzu laughed. Then he turned and stalked off.

Kenshin stood holding his sword, shaking with anger. What had he ever done to this man to deserve such unmitigated hatred? The man had tracked down the two people Kenshin had found who could help him cope with the realities of his deadly job, and Shinzu had sent them away. If Shinzu was trying to find a way to make sure Kenshin would only last three months as a hitokiri, he was certainly doing a good job of it.

Instinctively, Kenshin stormed off to find solace in the secluded meadow outside of town. He immediately started practicing his kata, hoping for the sense of peace and contentment he had always found in going through the prescribed moves. Now, however, every move, from the simplest to the most complex, only recalled for him each slash and thrust he had used on the missions he had been sent on thus far. He had obviously crossed some unknowable threshhold beyond which his kenjutsu was no longer a practice of joy, but one of merciless utility. He wandered over to the grove of trees and sat, his head in his hands, as despair overtook him. He had no one to turn to anymore, no one to help bring him back to life. He prayed to every god he knew—even to every god he didn't know—that this revolution would be over quickly so he could return to his shishou and the life he once had. But he knew that could never be. He had disobeyed Hiko and dishonored his teachings. There was no going back. 

****

Japanese Terms:

Battoujutsu: the art of drawing the sword.

Haori: warm overcoat.

Ohayou: good morning.

Konnichi-wa: good day.

Gozaimasu: added to make the greeting very formal.

Hai: yes.

Gion: the "red light" district.

Nii-san: older brother.

Takasugi: Takasugi Shinsaku, who created a private militia of peasants and merchants in Chousu known as the Kiheitai.

Kata: prescribed moves of a martial art.

Kenjutsu: swordsmanship in general.

Shishou: master swordsman.

****

Author's Note: Even I was depressed by this chapter, and I'm the author! What can I say…

As always, many, many thanks to all our reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie, Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, AC, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here (CoConspirator loves your name, too!), Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, and Shinta. You've all been so nice to me—I keep my fingers crossed with every chapter that I'll be able to live up to your expectations!

****

CoConspirator's Note: A note will be coming—CoConspirator has been under the weather (and overworked) the past several days. :(


	10. chapter 10

Kenshin's battle against the darkness overtaking his soul is over, and he has lost.

There are quotes from the manga at the end of this chapter; all quotes are from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!). Just a warning: I tend to follow the manga more than the OAV, including in dialogue.

Needless to say, I do not own the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They belong to the great and all-powerful Watsuki Nobuhiro and the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights. (Hehe, but everyone else is OURS!!!!!!!!!—CoC.)

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 10

Kenshin was missing. No one had been surprised not to see him at lunch, since he often missed that meal at the inn, but he didn't show up for dinner, either. Katsura had spoken with him after breakfast, and Iizuka had walked with him briefly close to lunchtime, but no one had seen him since. There had been a rumor that Kenshin and Shinzu had another fight, but Shinzu wouldn't say officially one way or the other; only his smugness gave a clue that something might have happened. 

Even Yoshida hadn't given much thought to Kenshin not being at dinner—he just assumed Kenshin was out on a mission. As for the rumor, he figured if Shinzu wasn't bragging, then either the rumor wasn't true or Kenshin had bested him again. But when Katagai, the inn's new commander, came to ask about Kenshin's whereabouts, Yoshida went to their shared room to look for clues; he found that Kenshin's haori and blanket were missing. When he awoke in the morning, it was clear Kenshin had never come back for the night.

At breakfast, he reported Kenshin's continued absence to Katagai, but everything was on hold as Shinzu and his sixteen men prepared to leave for Edo. Shinzu was clearly in his element, radiating so much self-confidence that it seemed to rub off on even the least among the men going with him. He probably would do a good job of starting things up in Edo, Yoshida mused, but he was glad to be rid of him.

About an hour later, Kenshin walked in the door to the inn. He looked neither to the right nor the left, and when one of the men approached to ask where he had been, he gave a look that would have frozen the flames of hell. He walked up the stairs to his room, where he found Yoshida getting ready to leave for his day's assignment.

"Hey, Himura! Where've you….." Yoshida faltered as he greeted his temporary roommate. Never had he seen such coldness in a person's eyes.

"Leave me alone," was all Kenshin said.

"Katagai's been looking…."

"Leave me _alone_!" Kenshin repeated, fire now flashing from his eyes.

Yoshida knew when to back off. He finished gathering up his haori and swords and quickly left the room. He went to find Katagai to let him know Kenshin was back, but that something was wrong.

"He didn't tell you where he was?" Katagai asked.

"He about bit my head off just from my saying hello," Yoshida answered. "It's not like him. Something's wrong, and I don't have a clue as to what."

"Well, you know him better than anyone else here, right?" Katagai asked. Yoshida nodded. "Then find out what the hell is going on!"

Yoshida 'yessir-ed,' but he was in no hurry to go back to the room. Kenshin was normally a friendly sort, but Yoshida had also seen him at work and had seen the deadly, dangerous glint his eyes could take on. That was what he had just seen upstairs, and he was not anxious to confront it. An order was an order, however, so he steeled himself, took a deep breath, and then entered their shared room as quietly as he could. Kenshin was sitting on the floor, spinning his top with a vengeance.

"Sorry, I forgot something," Yoshida said lamely when Kenshin looked up angrily. 

Something had happened to Kenshin. Yoshida could see it in his eyes, tell it from the way he acted. Never talkative to begin with, Kenshin was now downright silent, and his eyes looked wary and hard. He seemed to be more on edge, and the slightest noise or movement seemed to cause him to reach for his sword. After pretending to rummage around for something, Yoshida went over to the window and pretended to watch the passersby. After a moment or two, he said, "I heard the strangest rumor about you." 

Kenshin didn't respond.

"I heard you threatened to kill Shinzu right before he left."

Kenshin tensed up and grabbed his top, but said nothing.

"Is it true?"

"Yes," Kenshin said grimly.

"The bastard had it coming, but I didn't expect it from you."

Now Kenshin turned to him, the fire glowing again in his eyes. He clenched his fists, as if trying to control himself. Then he said, "Shinzu did something I couldn't forgive. I lost control. I was ready to kill him." Then he turned his eyes back to his fists.

Yoshida could feel the tension in the room, as if the air itself were ready to explode. "What did he do?" he asked, almost afraid to utter the words.

Kenshin gritted his teeth. Several moments passed, and Yoshida started to think that Kenshin would never answer. Then the floodgates opened, relatively speaking. 

"I made two friends in Kyoto," Kenshin finally answered, "two people who didn't care what my job was. They helped me feel alive again after…"—he stopped, searching for the right words— "…after my assignments. Shinzu found out who they were and had them sent away." He stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Then, in a barely audible voice, he added, "He said he had to save them from being with a killer."

"Kami-sama!" Yoshida gasped. "So you threatened to kill him?"

"I had my sword against his throat," Kenshin said. "Then it was like my mind went blank. All I could think of was that I would kill him right then and there." 

He stopped and turned to Yoshida, his eyes now a troubled violet. "Yoshida, I don't know what happened to me out there. I don't know what came over me." 

He turned away. Then his voice became cold once again. "Maybe he was right," he said. "Maybe I really am just a killer, and that's all I'll ever be."

A silence fell on the room as Yoshida digested what Kenshin said. Then it was Yoshida who had fire in his eyes.

"Is that what that bastard told you? Kami-sama, he's worse than even I thought! He's had it in for you ever since he saw you practice. It kills him that someone—anyone—might actually be as good as he is with a sword. And ever since Katsura brought him up here personally, Shinzu's lorded it over everyone about how close their relationship supposedly is. He was probably jealous of Katsura's interest in you! I'll kill him myself if he ever shows his face here again!"

Yoshida noticed that the caricature he had made of Shinzu in the shape of a horse was still sitting in a corner of the room. He suddenly got up, whipped out his wakizashi, and stabbed it through the center of the drawing. "And good riddance," he growled as the sword wobbled from the force of the thrust. Then he left the room and came back with his drawing materials. He quickly made up some ink and wet his brush.

Kenshin pretended not to look, but he could see that Yoshida was drawing a carrot with arms. The greens of the carrot were taking on the form of a high ponytail, and two swords appeared in the carrot's arms. With three dots, the carrot sprouted a face. Below it, he wrote a haiku:

A red-head with swords.

Darkness will not consume him!

Kindness will prevail!

He shoved the piece of paper in front of Kenshin and waited for a reaction. Kenshin stared at it for a long time. "You really believe kindness will prevail, don't you," Kenshin said almost to himself.

"Yeah, I really believe that!" Yoshida answered angrily. "Listen, you're a good kid who's been given a terrible job that no one ought to have to do. Why the hell should you also have to put up with someone who's got an ego the size of China? You know, Shinzu tried to assign me to that squad he was taking to Edo. Now I know why. But I went to Katagai—I wasn't brave enough to ask Katsura himself—and I told him someone needed to stay here to look out for you."

"I can take care of myself," Kenshin said, his voice returning to its previous coldness. "After all, I'm a killer."

"If you're such a killer, then tell me why you have such bad nightmares!" Yoshida practically shouted. "Tell me why it tears you up to have to kill anyone at all! Explain that to me!"

Kenshin stared at the top in his hands. "You know," Kenshin said quietly, "my father gave me this when I was five, right before he and the rest of my family died of cholera. All I saw after that was death—death from disease, death from bandits—and I swore I would learn to protect the weak." Suddenly, his voice became dangerously cold again. "Well, I've learned how, and now what do I do? I kill. I did a lot of thinking last night. That family I saved from the assassins? What makes those assassins any different from me?"

Yoshida just stared at him. His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn't think of what to say; he was speechless. Finally, he threw his hands up in defeat and said simply, "Katagai's looking for you. You'd better go find him." Then he grabbed his things and left, shaking his head.

Kenshin put his top away, then went downstairs to find Katagai, sparks still shooting from his eyes. Katagai was in Okami's private room off the kitchen.

"Where the hell have you been?" the older man bellowed as soon as he saw Kenshin at the door.

Kenshin stopped dead in his tracks. "Out," he answered heatedly, although somewhat taken aback by the verbal assault.

"Out? That's all you have to say?" Katagai bellowed again. "Do you know how worried we were? We didn't know if you were alive or dead!" At Kenshin's look of surprise, he said in a somewhat softer voice, "Well, we knew you probably weren't dead, considering your skill with a sword, but… What am I saying! Goddammit, Himura, you're a soldier now, and you can't just go off like that without telling someone where you're going!"

"G-gomen," Kenshin stuttered, "gomen nasai." Now he felt just like he did when Hiko would ream him out for some infraction. "I camped out last night, outside of town," he finally relented.

"You camped out?!" Katagai bellowed again, but then, seeing that Kenshin had calmed down some, he decided to tone things down himself. Instead, he calmly asked, "What's going on?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Kenshin answered stiffly.

"Well, if it has anything to do with Shinzu, I've heard some rumors," Katagai guessed. "I must say I find the man insufferable myself, but Katsura's convinced me he has some value as a leader—but in Edo, not here!" 

The corner of Kenshin's mouth curled in a hint of a half-smile at the last comment. 

"At any rate, you need to know what's being said about you around town." 

Kenshin's eyes shot up.

"The chief prosecutor in Kyoto has sent out flyers offering a reward for the hitokiri battousai—that's what they're calling you—who killed Fujiwara Asahiro and Ito Shigetoki and his bodyguards, not to mention that munitions supplier. Seems he's pissed as hell, especially because his own assassins couldn't even manage to kill the Kaminaga woman and her children, let alone Kaminaga himself. And now he's sending out his wolves to hunt you down."

"But no one's seen me, I'm sure of it!" Kenshin interrupted.

"Well, that's a problem for them, isn't it," Katagai said sarcastically, "but that hasn't stopped them from looking. What they're doing now is stopping suspicious-looking men on the streets and asking for identification. If someone doesn't give a fast enough answer, these thugs will just cut them down where they stand. You understand the danger you're in?"

"I hide myself well…."

"When you're doing your job, yes, but when you're out and about during the day? And what if someone asks you what han you're from?"

"I don't have a han," Kenshin answered, perplexed.

"Precisely," Katagai said, "but you wear swords, and you look, for all intents and purposes, like a samurai, even if it's an awfully young one. Do you understand now why we were worried when you didn't come back last night?"

"Oh," was all he could say. "What do I do? I have no han."

"You're to answer Tosa-han," Katagai responded. "Yamanouchi Yodo's their daimyo, and he's our ally right now. To say Chousu could be a death warrant around here, given the fact we've just been thrown out of the Imperial Court again." Kenshin shot a look of surprise. "Didn't hear about that, huh? Just happened. Anyway, the daimyo of Tosa knows what to say if anyone goes so far as to check up on your answer. Got that?"

"Hai, Katagai-san," Kenshin answered, bowing contritely.

"And no more going off without telling us, right?"

"No more, Katagai-san," Kenshin answered again with another bow.

"Then you're dismissed." He let out an exasperated sigh as he watched Kenshin walk away.

Kenshin left with great relief. He hadn't expected such a tongue-lashing for staying out all night. He was a soldier now, he'd better remember that! But the thought of a reward being offered for his capture….the thought that men might be killed unjustly because of a hunt for him…. He remembered his promise to Katsura only two weeks ago—if he could help bring the new age of peace and justice sooner by use of his sword, he'd do it. Clearly, that new age needed to come quickly, and the sooner the better! It was just that when he had made that promise, he had no idea how hard it would be to deal with the reality of his work….

He had no desire to see or be near anyone at the moment. The murderous rage he had experienced during his encounter the day before with Shinzu had scared him to his core. Okami, however, saw him leave the office and pounced on him.

"Himura-chan?" she called out from the kitchen. "Are you busy? I hope not…." She stopped when she saw the hard set of his eyes. 

"What do you want, Okami-san?" he asked in the most business-like voice she had ever heard him use. Where was the friendly boy she knew and enjoyed?

"Oh, well, if you're busy…," she stammered. Should she ask him for help or not? She couldn't decide—there was something about him that seemed, well, dangerous. She decided, however, that there was no harm in asking. "It's just that it's getting so cold out now, and we need more firewood than before, and you've been so helpful in the past with that…."

It was almost as if a spell had been broken. Kenshin's eyes returned to their usual peaceful look, and a small smile came to his face. "Would you like me to chop some more and bring it in?" he asked in a gentle voice. "It would be no problem." 

Okami unconsciously let out a relieved sigh as she watched Kenshin head out to the woodpile. She thought for a moment that she had lost him. Hadn't she warned Katsura just yesterday that killing was no job for a 14-year-old? Katsura just laughed at her concern, but she pledged she would do everything in her power to keep the killing from ruining the boy. She wondered, though, just how much she could really do. She felt rather helpless, especially after running into Hideko at the stable yesterday. She was horrified by a letter he showed her that had ordered his nephew Shozo to go to Chousu to help train horses for Takasugi Shinsaku. The letter had included a line warning him about Shozo's "deadly new friend." She had given poor Hideko an earful about that! Now he regretted having sent his nephew off so hastily because he really did like that red-haired boy. He even offered to teach him how to ride horses, to make up for everything.

Kenshin, meanwhile, found it a relief to chop the wood. It wasn't something he actually enjoyed doing, but now it felt good to do something so regular, so… normal. When he came back to the kitchen with an armload of wood, Okami could sense that the boy she knew had returned. 

Life for Kenshin now took on a kind of macabre rhythm. There would be whole days in which he could just indulge in the very normal activities of daily life—chopping wood, hauling water, doing his laundry. Some of those chores he used to consider merely back-breaking or boring in the past, but now he found them to be almost the glue that held him together. Then a black envelope would come, and the normality and peace he worked so hard to cobble together would crumble in an instant. 

For when that black envelope came, everything else in his mind would disappear. It was just like his friend Kumiko had predicted— the only way to survive the horror of his job was to lock away his real self. The problem was, he was beginning to wonder which self was the real one. Was it the boy who helped in the kitchen and laughed at Yoshida's drawings? Or was it the increasingly cold-blooded killer—the Hitokiri Battousai, as he was now called throughout Kyoto—who no longer gave a second thought to the carnage he left in his wake? He had always been blessed with an incredibly good memory, but now it was becoming more of a curse than a blessing. His assignments were becoming more and more numerous—too numerous to keep track of, in fact—but he remembered the face of each and every man he killed. It didn't matter if the job entailed killing one man or a whole squad of bodyguards as well. Nearly every night, they all came back to haunt him. His friend Yoshida had remained true to his word and stuck by him all this time, but on those rare occasions when the men had to double up in their rooms, Yoshida had to resist the urge to ask for a different roommate, because he knew the night would be filled with Kenshin's cries as he suffered through his nightmares.

Only once did Kenshin have a respite from his work. As winter came on, so did the snow, and although some snow could not stop the feared Hitokiri Battousai, a blizzard could. So when Kyoto was hit with a blizzard the likes of which the city hadn't experienced in twenty years, even heaven's justice had to take a vacation. Then the men were cooped up at the inn driving each other crazy when they weren't gambling, drinking, or trying to bed Yuka and Kishi, for wont of other women. As the days wore on for Kenshin, though, he found that his nightmares lessened, that he smiled more, that he almost could enjoy the fact that he was alive. The truth was, however, that he no longer really cared if he lived or died. He had decided that the gods thought of him as a mere plaything, and they were having a jolly good time toying with him. Give him three or four days of normal life, why don't they, then go send him out to slaughter a platoon. 'It must give them great entertainment,' he thought darkly.

Once the blizzard stopped, however, and the snow had melted somewhat, it was back to business, but the gods apparently weren't satisfied enough with the torment they had already inflicted. It happened on a night that started with just a routine mission—find a man, deliver heaven's justice, leave no witnesses, nothing special—while the rest of the men were sent to join with other Ishin Shishi forces to ambush a small convoy of army reinforcements on their way to Kyoto. When he came back from his mission, the inn was in turmoil, for of the nineteen men from this inn who had been part of the ambush, four had been killed and most of the others were wounded. The men, in general, were deathly afraid of Kenshin, but they had come to appreciate his skill at dealing with battle wounds. As soon as he had washed the gore from his own hands and face, he immediately started helping bandage the wounded until he had a chance to ask after his friend Yoshida. He hadn't seen him anywhere. He finally found someone who had already been bandaged and seemed to be in a condition to talk. 

"Matsuo, where's Yoshida?" Kenshin asked the man. "Did he come back with you?"

The man didn't answer, but his eyes betrayed a sense of panic. Kenshin asked again.

"Matsuo, where's Yoshida!" Kenshin started to feel a kind of fear take over. He grabbed the man and started shaking him. "Yoshida! Where is he!"

The man sat down, staring at the floor. Then, in a barely audible voice, he said, "We had to leave him behind."

Kenshin just stared at him. "What do you mean, you had to leave him behind?"

The man was now shaking violently. Kenshin knew that this man, Matsuo, was one of Yoshida's buddies, and he wouldn't lie about something like this. Then Matsuo looked up and stared straight into Kenshin's eyes.

"The bastards got him," he finally managed to say. "They practically took his arm off…. There was a doctor in the village… We couldn't bring him back with us…. He lost so much blood…."

It was as if all the stuffing had been pulled from Kenshin's body. He sank to the floor, his eyes vacant, as he digested this information. His friend—the man who had stuck with him all this time, the man who drew the funny pictures and made him laugh—had not come back, might even be dead. Matsuo had only thought of this boy as a hitokiri before. Now he looked at him and saw only a very vulnerable 14-year-old. He almost had the urge to reach out and comfort him until Kenshin looked up again. Kenshin's eyes had suddenly become cold and dangerous, and when he stood up, it was not the vulnerable boy who stood before Matsuo, but an avenging demon. Kenshin turned and strode away, the air around him practically crackling with an explosive tension that promised death and destruction to anyone who got in his way. He went back out into the night and did not return until well past dawn.

Now Kenshin's blade seemed to become even more deadly. Iizuka noticed it right away. He didn't know why Yoshida's absence should make such a difference, but he noted that now Kenshin had become so lethal, so deadly, that his victims didn't even have time to scream anymore. The more dangerous the assignment, the more Kenshin seemed to want to do it. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought the boy was trying to get himself killed, but why would any 14-year-old want to die? 

Iizuka also noticed that Kenshin was growing as well. His shoulders had broadened, he definitely needed to shave every now and then, and he had let out the hems of his gi and hakama so much that there was nothing left to hem, and still the kid was short. Oh, well, Iizuka mused, it kept the Bakufu confused—no one expected someone the size of a small woman to be the feared Hitokiri Battousai! Kenshin, however, couldn't care less. With his one and only friend now gone—his last hold on a normal life—he felt nothing about anything. His clothes were too short? Who cared. Everyone was afraid of him? Well, it was like Iizuka had said last fall—take what life gives you, then use it to your advantage. The advantage to what life had given him now was that no one bothered him—they were all too afraid.

Finally, spring came. The flowering apples, plums, and cherries had started to get their buds, and the early flowers were poking their heads through the remnants of snow. Kenshin thought idly to himself that it had now been nearly six months since his fight with Shinzu. Shinzu had laughingly taunted him that he'd only last three months, and here he still was. He felt as numb as a block of ice on the inside, but he was still alive and, surprisingly, in one piece. Hiko had always told him how hopeless he was with a sword, but apparently that was good enough for Kyoto—he still didn't have a scratch on him.

That, too, changed overnight. He had been assigned to kill Kyoto's judicial representative to the Shogunate court, Shigekura Jubei. Truth be told, Kenshin was a bit tired that night and wanted to just get the job over with so he could go back to the inn and get some sleep. He had found the man as he walked with his two bodyguards. It hadn't been difficult to kill old Shigekura, who had the nerve to try to lecture him before being killed. With just one sweeping arc of his katana, he had cut down not only the old man, but also the larger of his two bodyguards. 

It was the other bodyguard who was the problem—he just refused to die. He had hit the man with a slash to the chest that at the least should have knocked him to the ground, but instead the man tried to attack again. Not that he was a very good swordsman, but he just seemed determined not to die, and that determination seemed to make up for the skill he lacked. Now Kenshin was getting annoyed—what was with this guy, couldn't he sense that he was doomed and just get on with it? Instead, even after Kenshin cut him down again, the man kept clutching at his sword as he muttered a woman's name and tried to grab at a cherry blossom. Finally, Kenshin took his sword and ground it into the man's neck. However, in dealing with the man, the man's sword had grazed his cheek, leaving a rather long gash. In six months, no swordsman, not even the most skilled, had ever been able to give him even a scratch. He was shocked. 

Then he vaguely remembered overhearing the three men talking as he had snuck up behind them. What was it they were saying? He had been so focused on his mission… the younger man, the one who didn't want to die… he was going to be married next month, that was it. Suddenly, a tiny corner of the veil that separated himself from the hitokiri seemed to lift. That man, the one he had been so annoyed at for not dying, was supposed to get married—he had just killed someone's happiness… No! No witnesses! It was just the man's bad luck to be with Shigekura on this day, that's all! The veil descended again.

Now Iizuka and his crew came up. "Oi, Himura, your cheek!" he cried.

Kenshin felt his cheek. It was burning, and blood was dripping from the gash. "It's nothing," he said.

"But he reached you with his sword," Iizuka pressed. "He must have been very good."

"No," Kenshin replied. "His skill itself was nothing, but his will to live was incredible."

He turned to leave, but as he looked back at the man, he felt an unexpected twinge of regret. "May you at least find happiness in the next life," he murmured softly.

_____________________________________________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Haori: warm overcoat.

Kami-sama: Dear God!

Wakizashi: short sword worn with the larger katana.

Gomen nasai: very sorry.

Han: clan, based on the province of one's daimyo, or feudal lord.

Daimyo: feudal lord.

Takasugi Shinsaku: Chousu samurai who created a private militia of peasants and merchants in Chousu known as the Kiheitai.

Ishin Shishi: name for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Bakufu: the Shogunate government.

****

Author's Notes: This is the chapter that almost turned CoConspirator into a hitokiri—she threatened to Do Ryu Sen my hard drive because, originally, Yoshida was not going to live. See what happens when you create a character people like? And what happens when you create a truly evil character and let him survive? Oh, well, the rot started early for the new era, ne?

According to the historical notes I've read, by late 1863-early 1864 things had gotten so lawless in Kyoto that the government was trying to crack down on trouble-making ronins and other rebels. They therefore gave the newly reconstituted Shinsengumi the job of policing and had given them permission to give out summary justice (i.e., off with their heads!) if someone didn't belong to a han. Also during this time period the Chousu were continually in and out of favor at the Imperial court, due to their rather radical interpretations of various edicts and treaties dealing with the foreigners at Japan's doorstep. The Chousu did manage, however, to form a lasting alliance with the daimyo of Tosa, among others.

Next chapter, we enter some familiar territory, and I'm sure I will get at least half you very upset. I will tend to follow the dialogue and timeline of the manga over the OAV, thus offending half the readers all the time! Oh, well, the honeymoon had to end sometime….

My reviewers, you have all been so supportive! The least I can do in return is preserve your names for all posterity (or at least until ff.net dies): Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie, Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here, Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, and Lucrecia LeVrai. Now, how many of you plan to kill me because Shinzu lives? 

And CoConspirator says: Many thanks for the get-well-wishes!!

****

CoConspirator: Yay!! I'm back and ready for action!! *happy dance* As my dear Conspirator has already stated, I had some…-_- …issues with this chapter. Somehow, I just couldn't bring myself to allow Yoshida to get knocked off so easily, even though – I'll admit it – it probably wouldn't have mattered either way, or would it? *secretive grin* As for Shinzu….well at least he's not bothering Kenshin anymore, ne? Wow, this story is getting a lot longer than we had expected it to be! Next chapter: Guess Who shows up!! See you there!! ^_^


	11. chapter 11

Kenshin's life is about to change in ways he could never have predicted.

There are quotes from the manga in this chapter; all quotes are from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!). There are a few quotes from the OAV as well; however, I tend to follow the manga more than the OAV, including in dialogue.

It makes me cry every time I say it, but I do not own the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They belong to the great and all-powerful Watsuki Nobuhiro and the evil empires of Sony, Jump Comics, and all the other conglomerates who own all the copyrights. 

Descent into Madness

Chapter 11

The gash on Kenshin's cheek was the talk of the inn. Someone had actually gotten close enough to the Hitokiri Battousai to draw blood! Kenshin just wished it would go away. He had washed it and tried to stop the bleeding, but the gash was stubborn—it refused to heal. Even after two days, it still dripped blood. He couldn't avoid the realization that he could be touched by another's sword. Now he had to admit that it was entirely possible that he himself could be killed. Theoretically, of course, he understood that, but it was something that happened to other people, not to him. If nothing else, the gash on his cheek was a vivid reminder that he was, indeed, mortal. 

Then Iizuka, ever present with comforting conversation, had told him an old wives' tale that had really gotten him in a funk. "They say that when a wound is inflicted with great hatred, it will never heal until revenge has been exacted," he had told Kenshin one day. 

'Just my luck,' Kenshin had thought at the time. 

Well, at least now people would see the gash and not assume that he was just some 12-year-old, although Okami was very upset by it all. "You're too young to have battle scars!" she had cried when she first saw it. Didn't she realize that whatever child had existed in him before, that child was long gone by now?

And there were other problems as well. It seemed that almost daily, now, he had to hide himself when he was out during the day in order to avoid roaming squads of the government's favorite police force, the Shinsengumi. Police? Hoodlums was more like it, he thought ruefully. If they stopped to question someone and didn't like the answers, they would just kill the poor soul on the spot. Even he didn't do anything like that! And recently, he began to feel like he was being followed. He could just barely sense the presence of a ki that was trying to mask itself. He made sure it was never around when he actually returned to the inn, but it had caused him more than once to have to take evasive action, and it was really getting on his nerves. So, when Okami came up to him one day while he was doing his laundry out in the inn's courtyard and told him Katsura was coming, he was glad. Katsura hadn't been to Kyoto since before the snows had set in—political problems to attend to in Chousu, he had heard.

"It says here he should be arriving tonight, thankfully with only two or three other men," Okami said, waving the letter in her hand. "And he specifically says something here about you."

"About me?" Kenshin repeated without looking up from his washing.

"Aah," Okami responded. "It says right here, 'I hope you have taken good care of young Himura. I've gotten reports on his work, of course, and I will want to meet with him when I am there, but I am concerned about his overall welfare.' I don't think he's going to be very happy with me." 

She leaned down to touch the still dripping gash on Kenshin's cheek. Involuntarily, he flinched—he wasn't used to being touched by anyone anymore. She pulled away, startled by his reaction. Kenshin forced himself to relax. 

"I'm sorry, Okami-san," he apologized. "I guess I'm just on edge. And you _have_ taken good care of me—you make sure I eat, you give me a roof over my head…."

"There's more to taking care of someone than just feeding them, you know!" she replied in an exasperated tone.

He looked at her, perplexed. 

"Oh, Himura-chan, you don't understand anything, do you," she sighed. She risked giving him a quick hug, and this time, he did not pull away.

He watched Okami walk back to the kitchen, the lingering warmth of her hug melting the edges of the ice he had tried to put around his heart. Yes, he understood what she meant, but his hands were covered with blood—his _soul_ was covered with blood. How could he let anyone get close to him? And even as she worried over him and hugged him, he knew there was more killing to be done, for he had received yet another of the hated black envelopes just that afternoon. After Yoshida had been wounded and didn't come back, Kenshin had often taken to stopping by a local bar for several shots of sake before going out on a mission. It certainly helped to deaden the anguish, if nothing else. Now he decided he would definitely do that after dinner tonight before searching out his target.

As luck would have it, it had started to rain cats and dogs after dinner, so he grabbed an umbrella before going off to fortify himself for the night's job. The bar was surprisingly crowded, considering the weather, and most surprising of all, there was a young woman there, drinking alone. He knocked back the first cup of sake, then the second. For weeks the sake had not tasted good, and this night was no exception. 

On top of that, ever since he had killed that man who was about to get married, the voice of Hiko had started intruding into his mind. He thought he had managed to squelch that months ago, right after he had killed that samurai from Aizu and his six bodyguards. His mental Hiko had given him a real tongue-lashing that time. Now Hiko's voice once again invaded his mental space. "If sake doesn't taste good," he remembered Hiko saying one starry night, "then there's something wrong with you." 

'Well, Hiko, there is,' Kenshin thought bitterly. 'Everything I drink, everything I eat—it all tastes like blood to me now.' He knocked back another two cups.

He was about to leave when he heard some of the men start to taunt and tease the woman. He had been around soldiers long enough to know what men were capable of. Hell, he had seen it with his own eyes when that Bakufu soldier had tried to rape Yuka back when he first arrived in Kyoto. And these idiots were trying to justify what they wanted to do by claiming to be patriots from Aizu! Bad enough to tar the Ishin Shishi with such behavior, but from Aizu? The strongest of the strongest supporters of the Shogunate? Who were they trying to kid? He couldn't stand it anymore

"Aizu is on the Bakufu side, baka," he said loudly, but without turning around.

"What was that?" one of the men shouted angrily, but no one answered, and no one looked his way. 

"Whew, that was a close one," his companion muttered.

"It certainly was," Kenshin retorted. "If you had drawn that sword, you would have been fighting me."

Now the men looked at who had spoken. They were stupefied—a shrimpy little redhead? Then they noticed the eyes and heard the ice in the voice. 

"Let me give you some advice," Kenshin continued, his voice deadly calm. "Kyoto is no place for false patriots. If you value your lives, you'll run back to the countryside."

The men wisely decided to leave as fast as possible, falling over themselves in their haste. As soon as they were gone, Kenshin paid for his drinks and left as well. He had only walked a little way down the street when he suddenly heard a deep voice. 

"Hitokiri Battousai," the voice growled. "I have been waiting for you. I'll have your life." 

In the blink of an eye, two swords went flying out at Kenshin. That ki! It was the ki he had sensed following him these past few weeks! The attacker's swords were on chains, and the man behind them was huge. Kenshin immediately whipped out his katana, sending the swords flying back towards their owner. Kenshin had fought fierce opponents before, but never had he encountered such ferocity, and the man's eyes glowed with a hatred that bordered on blood lust. This, he knew instinctively, was no mere samurai—this was an assassin like himself. He swung with all his might, deflecting each slashing attack from his opponent until, suddenly, the man jumped to the roof. Kenshin was himself about to do likewise but before he could, his attacker sent down one of his swords so that the chain wrapped completely around Kenshin's neck and body. 

Now his arms were trapped at his side, and as the man pulled on the chain, Kenshin found he couldn't breathe, let alone move. His sword dropped uselessly at his side. For a split second he feared he would be strangled, if nothing else, but with a superhuman effort, he flexed every muscle in his body outward until he could at least reach his hand out to grab the chain. Then, with all the strength he possessed, he pulled on the chain until he managed to bring the man's second sword hurtling down next to him. The man's grip on the chains now loosened as he jumped down to confront Kenshin. Kenshin grabbed the second sword and with all the strength left in him, he swung and cut the man in two. As he saw his attacker crumple to the ground, he, too, crumpled, gasping for breath after the near strangulation. 

It was then that he smelled it—the scent of white plum. Amidst the smell of the blood and the gore, to smell such a sweet scent…. 

'I must be going crazy,' he thought, but the smell didn't go away. 

Then he became aware of a sound nearby. He looked up and was startled to see a woman standing before him. It was the woman from the bar. She was holding an umbrella, and she was covered in blood from head to toe.

"In the plays they always say, 'You made the bloody rain fall,'" she said softly, 'but you really did make it rain blood."

Kenshin dropped his sword. A woman! She had seen what he had done! Leave no witnesses, he had always been told. She was a witness! Suddenly, she started to pitch forward. Instantly, Kenshin was on his feet; he caught her before she could hit the ground. No, he could not kill her, but he couldn't leave her here, either. They were only a few blocks from the inn, and no one else had seen them. In an instant, he knew what he had to do—he picked her up and started carrying her back to the inn. 

There was not much that could rattle Kenshin. Behead a man? No problem. Slaughter an entire squad of swordsmen? Done that. But a woman fainting in his arms? What should he do now?! His thoughts raced a mile a minute as he took off through the deserted back alleys. She had been a witness! He would just have to tell her in the morning to forget everything she saw. But what about Iizuka? And Katsura was supposed to return tonight—what would he tell them? He'd be damned if they expected him to kill her now! And he still had his assignment to do tonight! It only took about five minutes to get back to the inn, but with his thoughts in such turmoil, it seemed like forever.

It was not very late—perhaps 10 p.m.—and there were several men milling around the front door. The last thing Kenshin wanted was for any of them to see him with a bloodied woman in his arms, so he quickly went around back to the kitchen door. Okami was still awake, finishing up some bookkeeping before turning in for the night. 

"Himura-chan, you're home late tonight…," she started, but then she saw what was in his arms. "Himura-chan, what are you doing?!"

Kenshin felt totally tongue-tied. "No, um, there was a fight, see, and she fainted, and…"

"Oh, you Chousu men!" Okami muttered in an exasperated tone. "You fight all day and then bring home the women at night."

"No, Okami-san, that's not it!" Kenshin said, turning bright red. "There was a fight…!"

"Well, just this once," Okami continued. "I'll help clean her up and change her clothes, but we have no room for her right now—Katsura-san has arrived, and we're full up. She'll have to stay in your room."

"My room?!"

Okami gave him a look that said he'd better not question her decision, so he bit his tongue. But now what was he going to do? There was going to be a woman sleeping in his room! Then he remembered he still had to complete his night's work. He said a quick thank-you to Okami and ran back off into the night.

Just as he left, Iizuka stuck his head in the kitchen. 

"What's all the commotion?" he asked as he looked around. His eyes widened at what he saw.

"Oh, it's just Himura-chan," Okami replied nonchalantly as she went about getting some water and a washrag. "He's brought someone home."

"What?! Ba—I mean, Himura brought home a girl?" He rubbed his eyes as if he hadn't seen quite right, but then he saw Okami shaking her head 'yes.' "Well, I'll be damned," he muttered as he went back to his room.

Luckily for Kenshin, the night's job was a simple one, for his mind was in a whirl. All he had to do was find a particular outdoor party in Gion, locate the man, and kill him. It wasn't hard to find the party—it was being held on one of the porches overhanging the river. All he had to do was watch from below until his quarry came to lean against the rail at the edge of the porch. He only had to wait about ten minutes before the man did just that. Normally, ten minutes would have seemed like nothing to Kenshin, who knew how to wait patiently for hours if he had to, but tonight all he could think was that he needed to get back to the inn and that woman he had carried there. 

He dragged his mind back to the work at hand, however, and as soon as the man was at the rail, he lightly jumped up onto the porch, landing as quietly as a cat. Now he waited until there was no one near his target. Then he walked up behind him and said softly, "I have come to bring Heaven's Justice." Before the startled man could even utter a sound, Kenshin had unsheathed his wakizashi and reached around to slash the man's jugular. Then, still standing behind, he reached lower and slashed the man across the stomach and belly, spilling the man's intestines. It was all very quick and quiet. Then, as the man fell, Kenshin jumped down to the riverbank below.

Now screams were coming from the porch as the partygoers noticed what had happened. Lanterns were being held over the edge of the porch as they searched for whoever had committed this deed, but they saw nothing, not even footprints. Within seconds, a dozen men had spilled into the streets and onto the riverbank searching for the assassin. Kenshin, however, had done his usual advance planning and was hiding in one of the secret passageways his friend Kumiko had shown him when he had first met her. It was another 15 minutes or so before all the noise died down and he sensed that no one was around. He checked his clothes to see whether he had gotten them bloody and was relieved to see he had not. That would make his escape that much easier. So, quietly, he followed the passageway to the street, and after making sure everything was clear, he strode out, looking for all intents and purposes like just another young man out for a good time in Gion.

He couldn't get back to the inn fast enough. He immediately headed for the washroom off the kitchen to clean his hands. He even poured a bucket of water over his head because he didn't want to take the time to use the bathhouse. He was worried about this woman, alone, in an inn full of lecherous men. He raced up to his room, not sure what to expect. There, lying on his futon, was the woman, asleep, her hair laid out neatly and the blanket pulled up to her chin. He sat down beside her and just stared. 

God, she was beautiful—he had never seen anything like it! She appeared to be about Yuka and Kishi's age, which was just a few years older than himself, and she was now wearing what looked like one of Yuka's kimonos. Maybe she had heard him, maybe not, but she mumbled something and then turned over onto her side. Kenshin just kept staring. He didn't know what to make of it. 

He was tired, however, and wanted desperately to go to sleep, but he didn't feel right sleeping right there next to her, so he went out into the hall and sat against the doorway, sword propped up against his shoulder. He managed to drift off a bit but was awakened when Okami briefly stuck her head up the stairway. 

"Just checking," she said softly when she saw Kenshin sitting outside his room.

He had just nodded off again when a couple of men came back, singing drunkenly. They were surprised to see him sitting outside the room, but they weren't about to say anything to the person they most feared in the entire world. Finally, he decided to sleep in the shed near the kitchen. He slept so soundly that he didn't awaken until morning, when he heard someone rooting around in the woodpile nearby. As he slowly roused himself and recognized where he was, he suddenly remembered the woman in his room. 

'I've got to find her right away!' he thought urgently. 'I've got to tell her to forget everything she saw and get her away from here!'

He ran back into the inn and up the stairs to his room as fast as he could, only to find that the futon had been folded neatly and placed against the wall. The woman herself was nowhere to be found. Kenshin started to panic. He raced downstairs again and ran to the kitchen, practically knocking Kishi down in his haste. As he looked ahead, he saw Okami calmly handing the woman a tall pile of trays.

"Oh, good morning, Himura-chan," Okami said brightly. "Well, despite appearances, your girlfriend here is a very good worker!"

Girlfriend?! Kishi and Yuka started tittering behind their hands. He glared at them and hurried ahead to catch up to the woman, then realized he didn't know what to say. 

"Um, what's your name?" he finally managed.

The woman seemed surprised by his shyness, but answered, "Tomoe." Then she started walking again towards the dining room. 

'What do I do now?' Kenshin thought. He hurried up behind her again. "Um, Tomoe-san, um, what are you doing?" 

She turned to him with a strange look of apprehension and condescension. "Can't you tell what I'm doing?"

"Helping in the kitchen…?" Kenshin answered, totally flustered.

"So you do know!" she chuckled. This was a strange boy, Tomoe thought. She opened the door to the dining room, only to find that the men had lined up to get a good look at her.

"So, this is Himura's woman!" one of them said. "Cute!" Tomoe cast her eyes demurely at the floor. 

"Hey…!" Kenshin shouted, but too late.

"Hmm, an older woman," said another, "and just as unfriendly as Himura!"

Kenshin was about to push Tomoe aside to get at the men, but she now took matters into her own hands by bowing as much as she could while holding a stack of trays and saying, "I'm Tomoe. How nice to meet you."

The men hadn't expected such politeness from the new serving girl, and they fumbled about trying to bow back politely before scurrying back to their seats. The only place left for Kenshin to sit was next to Iizuka, so he slid in, glaring at the men around him.

"Oho, embarrassed, lover boy?" Iizuka laughed, his mouth full of food.

"Iizuka…!!" said an exasperated Kenshin.

"So, how was she?" Iizuka went on with a leer. "I heard she stayed in your room last night…."

At this point, Kenshin had had enough. His hand went to the hilt of his sword, causing Iizuka to practically choke on his food.

"Jeez, I was just joking," Iizuka sputtered. Then, to the other men he said, "Just teasing him is taking your life in your hands!"

After this, everyone remained stiffly polite to the new serving girl and silent about their own, mostly lewd, thoughts regarding her and Kenshin. Kenshin now decided he'd better have a talk with her right after breakfast before anything else happened, but when he went to find her after breakfast, she was nowhere in sight. So, he sought out Okami instead.

"Well, Himura-chan, I must say that something good has come out of the surprise you brought home with you last night," she said with a smile.

Kenshin just stared, his mouth hanging open. 

"Your young woman turns out to have experience working at an inn…."

Kenshin cut her off. "She's not my young woman!" he said heatedly. "It's like I told you last night—I was attacked, and she saw what happened and fainted. I couldn't just leave her there on the street! And now you're going to keep her here?"

"Himura-chan, do you have any idea how much food you men eat?" Okami asked. "Do you have any idea how much work it takes to care for such a large number of men? I can use all the help I can get!"

"But… but…." 

"And since we have no extra rooms here, and the girls' room is too small for another person to share, she'll just have to share your room," Okami finished with a curious smile on her face. Then she turned to go.

Kenshin was at a total loss for words, a state that seemed to be overtaking him rather frequently right now. Okami had obviously made up her mind and was not about to change it. As he stood in the kitchen doorway contemplating this strange turn of events, Katagai came up behind him.

"Himura," he began. Kenshin jumped at his name, causing the older man to chuckle. "The fair sex got you down?"

Kenshin whirled around, his hand on his sword before he realized who was behind him. "Katagai-san! So sorry! Um, no…. Wait, what did you say?"

Katagai chuckled again. Then he put a hand on Kenshin's shoulder and said, with a broad smile, "Calm down, calm down! She's quite beautiful, ne? Beautiful women tend to have that effect on men—makes us lose our senses. You'll be okay, though, don't worry! Come with me—Katsura wants to meet with you."

Kenshin relaxed. "Yeah, um, thanks…," he muttered. Then he suddenly straightened up. "Katsura-san—yes! I need to speak with him. It's quite urgent!"

Katagai ushered him into Okami's private room, where Katsura had set up his temporary office. Iizuka was there as well. Kenshin bowed formally to Katsura.

"Ah, Himura, good to see you again!" Katsura said with obvious pleasure. "Looks like you've grown again, and this time quite a lot, I see!"

Kenshin blushed slightly, but he had a lot on his mind, so he quickly said, "Katsura-san, things have been getting more difficult for me recently."

"Yes, I heard something about your encounter last night. Is it true?"

"Yes," Kenshin answered. "I was ambushed by a shogunate assassin."

"An assassin? Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Kenshin said. 

Katsura's face darkened as he digested this information. 

"That's not all," Kenshin went on. "You should know that for the past few weeks, I had sensed a masked ki following me. I had to take evasive action, because I didn't want to lead this person back to the inn. When I was attacked, I realized it was the ki of this assassin."

Katsura sat in thought for several seconds, then said, "Information from the Chousu is leaking out, even about our top-secret battousai. There must be a traitor in our midst!"

Kenshin felt a strange flare of ki at those words. His eyes whipped around to the direction he felt it come from, but it was only Iizuka, who looked as concerned as Katsura. 'Strange,' Kenshin thought.

"And that woman who was helping out today, she witnessed it all…," Kenshin continued, but Katsura cut him off.

"Don't worry about that. Katagai, Iizuka, we need to investigate this attack immediately," Katsura commanded. "There are too many important matters in the works right now to have a traitor on the loose among us!" Then, turning to Kenshin, he said, "Himura, I need to talk to you again later, but I think I'd better deal with this situation right away. Oh, and before I forget…" 

He reached into his travel bag and handed Kenshin a letter. 

"This is for you, from your friend Yoshida," he said, smiling. "He's alive and well and made me promise to deliver this to you personally."

Yoshida? Alive? Kenshin took the letter and stared at it, once again feeling speechless. "Thank you, Katsura-san!" he said with more enthusiasm than Katsura had ever heard from him before. "Thank you very much!" And he bowed and left the room.

Yoshida was alive! He couldn't wait to read the letter! First, though, he needed to talk to that woman he had brought back last night, Tomoe. He started looking down the hall for her, then saw her heading out the front door, a grocery basket on her arm.

"Tomoe-san!" he called out as he caught up to her.

"Himura-san," she said quietly, bowing. When she saw a look of surprise on his face, she added, "Okami-san told me your name."

"Yes, well, um, I need to talk to you about last night….," he started, but she cut him off.

"Okami-san told me all about what happened," Tomoe said. "She told me how you brought me back here, and that it was her, not you, who changed my clothes…."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't have done that!" a horrified Kenshin interjected.

Tomoe's mouth turned up in the tiniest hint of a smile. "…and she told me she had nowhere else to put me but your room…"

"Yes, well, I need to talk to…." Kenshin tried again, but she continued talking.

"…and she assured me that you were totally honorable the entire night, for which I thank you…"

"Of course! I would never…!"

Tomoe's eyes looked bemused. She had figured out by now that this boy was, indeed, a hitokiri—in fact, _the_ feared Hitokiri Battousai—but he was as tongue-tied as any teenage boy she had ever met. "I owe you a great debt for all you have done for me," she finished, bowing once again.

"Yes, well, that's what we need to talk about," Kenshin said hurriedly, before she could cut him off again. "I really need to talk to you about what you saw last night…"

Suddenly, he felt a flash of something coming from her—what it was, he couldn't tell. And it was as if a mask had come over her face. Now her eyes were unreadable.

"I'm sorry, Himura-san," she said, her voice sounding the same but somehow feeling quite different. "I must go to the markets. I promised Okami-san I would do the food shopping before lunch." And with that, she left.

How many hours, days, years, had Hiko spent teaching Kenshin to read ki?—but it was a swordsman's ki, a warrior's ki he had taught him to read. Never had he said anything about a woman's ki, and yet Kenshin had felt a flash of something. But what was it? Hatred? Fear? Fear he could understand—after all, she had seen him do what a hitokiri does. But hatred? He was positive he had never met her before, so that couldn't be it, could it? It felt so strange to feel so clueless!

With his thoughts as confused as they had ever been, he started back towards the stairs to go to his room. Slowly, he realized he was still holding a paper in his hand. Yoshida's letter! Now he bounded up the stairs two-by-two and settled down in his room to read the letter from his friend.

"Himura," it read, "I'm alive and well. Actually, not all that well—my left arm is pretty much useless for fighting now. I'm right-handed, though, so it's not so bad. But the good news is that I'm in love! Her name is Eiko. She helped nurse me through everything, and now we're getting married. They wanted to send me back to Chousu, since I can't fight anymore, but I didn't want to go back. So, I'm staying here in the mountains to help at the waystation the Ishin Shishi set up last fall. The only bad part is that Hamada's here, and now I have to put up with that idiot! Take good care of yourself. —Yoshida"

At the bottom of the letter was one of Yoshida's caricatures. It was a pine tree with a broken branch, and around the tree's trunk was a flowering vine. He had written a haiku to go with it:

A branch is broken

But the trunk is whole, unbowed.

Love has healed the tree.

Then he wrote, "I recommend that therapy highly!"

Yoshida—how much Kenshin missed his friendship! There was really no one left at the inn, other than Katagai and the women, who had known Kenshin when he first came, before he became a hitokiri. And Yoshida had stuck by him through thick and thin. It all served to remind him of his loneliness. Still, it was a great relief to know his friend was alive, and he was glad Yoshida had found happiness. 'Maybe you're the one who will live to see his grandchildren after all,' Kenshin mused.

Then he remembered that Yoshida still had a friend at the inn—the man who had told Kenshin about Yoshida's injuries after that fateful battle. He decided to find him and show him the letter. The man was out on the porch, leaning against a post and whittling.

"Matsuo," Kenshin said, bowing politely to the older man.

"Battousai," Matsuo replied, bowing back. An involuntary feeling of fear starting crawling over Matsuo. What did this killer want with him, he wondered?

"I received a letter today from Yoshida," Kenshin said, trying to ignore Matsuo's poorly disguised fear. "He's alive and well. I thought you might like to read it."

Matsuo took the letter from Kenshin with shaking hands.

As Matsuo read the letter, Kenshin couldn't help thinking about Tomoe. He still couldn't figure out the signals he seemed to be getting from her ki. Kenshin didn't know Matsuo very well—hell, nobody wanted to have anything to do with him, so how could he know anyone well?—but Matsuo had been a friend of Yoshida. He decided he had nothing to lose by seeing if this man could give him any insights.

"Yoshida's a good man," Matsuo said when he finished the letter. "I'm glad he made it." Then he handed the letter back to Kenshin.

"Matsuo," Kenshin now said, "would you mind if I asked you a question?"

Matsuo looked startled. "Me?" his voice croaked. "You want to ask _me_ a question? Whatever about, Battousai?" 

Kenshin winced. He really hated that name, Battousai. 

"Himura," he corrected. "My name is Himura."

Matsuo gulped. "H-Himura, then," Matsuo repeated. The shaking got worse.

It took Kenshin a moment or two to gather his courage to ask—only a speck of time, really, but to Matsuo it felt like an eternity. Finally Kenshin, said, "Do you know how to understand a woman's ki?" 

"A woman's ki?!" You could have knocked Matsuo over with a feather—this was about the last thing he ever expected to be asked by this boy! "I didn't know women had a ki!" 

"They don't?" Kenshin said.

"Frankly," Matsuo replied, "women are a total mystery to me. If you want my opinion, those crazy gaijin are probably easier to figure out than a woman!" 

"Oh," Kenshin said. "Well, thanks all the same…." and he walked off.

Matsuo just stared after him. Was it his imagination, or did he just have a heart to heart with a hitokiri?! He grabbed the post behind him as his legs finally gave way.

****

Japanese Terms:

Ki: a person's 'aura.'

Bakufu: name for the Shogunate government.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Baka: idiot.

Katana: long sword.

Wakizashi: short sword.

Gaijin: foreigner.

Author's Note: Ever try to have a conversation with a 14-year-old boy? Monosyllables all the way, and our poor Kenshin is no exception! As for Hiko never teaching him how to read a woman's ki, ever wonder what kind of ladies' man Kenshin might have turned out to be if he had stayed with Hiko another few years? An interesting story idea there!

Ok, reviewers, you know who you are: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here (we vote your name the #1 best name on ff.net!), Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, Lucrecia LeVrai, Beriath, Sheik Muhammed, Arthain, Arctic Neo, and Sawdust Monster. I'm chewing my nails this time, now that I've caught up with the manga….

Next time we find out if Kenshin can actually put together a coherent sentence in front of the opposite sex! (Some cliffhanger, huh?)

****

CoConspirator's Note: Yay, Yoshida!! (I knew he'd come in handy for something!!) A lot's happened in this chapter—Kenshin receives the first of his "manly" facial scars (makes it sound like he cut himself shaving, says Conspirator!), has an exhilarating fight with an assassin, and has a devastating run-in with the opposite sex. The excitement's killing me!! ^_- Next chapter, Kenshin has more woman trouble.


	12. chapter 12

Kenshin finds himself in the unexpected position of having to deal not only with his job, but also with a woman whose actions and reactions are a complete mystery to him.

There are quotes from the manga in this chapter, all from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!). There are also a few quotes from the OAV; however, I tend to follow the manga more than the OAV, including in dialogue.

Just in case Sony, Jump Comics, and all the rest of the conglomerates who hold the copyrights have the good taste to read my little fanfic, I wish to assure them that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin! They belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro (our hero) and the above-named evil empires.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 12

Leave no witnesses—that was the cardinal rule for a hitokiri. It was a matter of self-preservation, really. A witness could identify you, tell others what you looked like, and that could lead to your own death. And yet Kenshin had broken that rule just twelve hours ago. He hadn't had any choice, he told himself. What was one of his earliest memories, after all? The slaughter of the three girls in the slavers' band who had tried to protect him from being killed when he was six. Was he now going to be the one to kill a defenseless woman? Never!

At least that's what he kept telling himself, but now he was beginning to wonder if he did the right thing. When he brought Tomoe back to the inn, he figured he'd just talk to her in the morning, tell her to forget everything she had seen, and send her on her way. Instead, every attempt he had made this morning to have that talk had turned him into a blubbering idiot, and now she was off at the marketplace doing grocery shopping for Okami! What if she told people what had happened last night? What if she told them what he looked like or where he lived? He was beginning to think his rash decision had placed not only himself in danger, but the entire inn as well. He needed to have a serious talk with Tomoe no matter what, and he decided the only way that would happen would be to have Okami order her to do so.

Okami, unfortunately, was engaged in her most unfavorite activity—the weekly storeroom inventory. Even the bravest warrior knew never to interrupt her during this dreaded task if they valued their lives, but Kenshin was desperate. How was it, Kenshin wondered as he summoned up his courage, that a mere woman could make strong men quake in their boots? Oh, well, nothing lost, nothing gained….

"Okami-san," he said tentatively as he watched her counting up sacks of rice, "I need a favor…."

"What do you want? Can't it wait? Can't you see I'm busy? No manners! No morals! … Oh, Himura-chan, I didn't realize it was you! What can I do for you?"

Well, that wasn't so bad…

"It's about that woman I brought back to the inn last night," Kenshin began.

"Ah, yes, a good worker, that one!" Okami said as she went back to counting her sacks of rice. "And educated, too—she knows how to read and write!"

That was news.

"I need to talk to her about, um, what she saw last night, and, well, um, she's managed to get away every time I try. It's really important…."

Okami chuckled at Kenshin's apparent discomfort at talking about this subject. "And you want me to arrange a little private time for the two of you, is that it?"

"No, no, nothing like that!" an embarrassed Kenshin said quickly. "But maybe you could tell her I need to meet with her after lunch?"

"Aaaah." Okami looked at Kenshin with bemused eyes. Yes, a little private time with this new girl would do Kenshin a world of good, she decided. "She eats her lunch after you men are done," she said with a sly grin. "Why don't I tell her to take her lunch up to your room. She can eat there while you talk, hmmm?"

Kenshin smiled with great relief. "Thank you so much, Okami-san!" he said with the most enthusiasm she had heard from him in ages.

Now he only had to wait a few hours until lunch was over. Kenshin couldn't remember the last time he had felt so befuddled, so out of control of a situation. What was it about women that made it impossible for him to even put together a coherent sentence! When Hiko talked about women, he never mentioned anything like this! Then again, the man was so arrogant he probably wouldn't have admitted it even if he did have problems. A vision of a stuttering and tongue-tied Hiko came to mind, bringing a well-needed chuckle to his lips. 

He decided perhaps he had better head out to his secluded meadow for a good practice session. It had been several days since he had been able to go, and although practicing his kata had long ago ceased to provide the sense of peace and contentment it used to do, it still helped him clear his mind and center himself for whatever lay ahead. And right now what lay ahead of him, as far as he was concerned, was something far more unnerving than any swordsman he had ever encountered—a one-on-one talk with Tomoe!

He made sure to return to the inn well before lunch. This time he wanted to be among the first to enter the dining room so he could glare menacingly at anyone who dared to even think of making a crack about his so-called love life. It didn't put off Kishi, though. It was she, rather than Yuka or Tomoe, who was serving his part of the room, and when she gave him his food, she started tittering. He felt like strangling her—metaphorically speaking, of course!

When lunch was over, he headed to the kitchen. After his practice, he had realized that what he needed to do was prepare a speech in advance so that he wouldn't get tongue-tied when the time came. Now he was totally ready to say what needed to be said. Okami must have already talked to Tomoe because she was waiting for him, a tray of lunch bowls in hand. He bowed to her and said, "Please follow me."

As he led her to the stairs, he felt that flare of something coming from her, just as he had earlier in the day. This time, however, it definitely felt more like fear than hate. Would that mean, then, that hate had been a component of what he felt coming from her before? He was definitely confused. 

As he opened the shoji to his room, he was surprised to find a neat pile of women's clothing and other belongings in the corner. Apparently, she had been doing more than just grocery shopping this morning—she was moving in! He tried to ignore this and instead went to pull out a tatami mat for her to sit on. She looked at him warily as she sat down, but she seemed to relax somewhat when she saw that he intended to sit next to the window, not next to her. An uneasy silence enveloped the room, broken only by the occasional click of Tomoe's hashi. 

Finally, Kenshin gathered up his courage, and after quickly running through his prepared speech in his mind, he said, "Tomoe-san, I need to talk to you about what you saw last night…."

"Yes, I know what I saw…," Tomoe broke in, but Kenshin had learned his lesson—he ignored her interruption and kept on going with his prepared speech.

"What you saw last night no one else has ever lived to see. I mean, um, that no one is supposed to know about me or what I do, so that's why… um… uh… That's why I want you to promise to forget everything you saw last night and leave!"

Oh joy! Oh relief! He finally managed to put together some coherent sentences! He finally managed to tell her what he needed to tell her!

"Am I such a burden? Okami-san seems to like me." 

That was not the response he was expecting. She was supposed to say 'Fine, goodbye!' This was not part of his plan, and he could feel his tongue tying itself into a thousand knots. 

"Um… well, then… your family will be worried about you!" he finally managed to blurt out.

"If I had a family to go back to," she responded, "I wouldn't be out drinking alone at night."

What?! 'This is not going well,' he thought. Then aloud he said, "I don't know what your situation is, but we're certainly in no state to look after you here!" 

'There, that should do it,' he thought triumphantly, but once again he was wrong. A very strange look came over her face, and he found her staring straight into his eyes.

"Will you finish me off, then?" she asked, her eyes flashing with anger. "Will you finish me off like you finished off that samurai in black?"

Kenshin was taken aback at her sudden outburst. He didn't know what to say. 

"You can think whatever you want," he finally responded, "but I'm doing this only to bring a new age where everyone can live in peace. I don't kill indiscriminately—only armed members of the Bakufu who oppose us. Naturally, civilians might oppose us as well, but I would never strike an unarmed man…."

"So, bad people carry swords and good people don't, is that it?" she cut in, her voice rising in quiet anger. "If I had been carrying a sword last night, then you would have…."

"Hey! That's not...," Kenshin sputtered.

"When you have an answer for me, please let me know!" she finished. Then she picked up her tray and left the room.

"Wait a minute!" Kenshin shouted after her. "You're just going to walk out?"

He watched the shoji close behind her, his mouth hanging open and his mind racing a mile a minute. What a thing to say! But wait a minute—would he have killed her if she had had a sword? And that other question she asked, about people carrying swords…. Well, of course there were good people who carried swords and bad people who didn't—what was she saying! He sat staring at the shoji for a long time as his mind tried to sort through their conversation. He felt like he was going crazy, but maybe some things were starting to make a kind of sense. Who would have thought that just the decision to carry a fainting woman home would lead to such confusion! 

He didn't know how long he sat like that, but finally he managed to shake the confusion out of his mind. What he needed to do now was relax after the stress of talking to this woman, and as he had nothing he had to do this afternoon, he decided he'd go down to the river and fish. But even this turned out to be stressful, for on his way out he heard Iizuka call out, "Hey, Battousai!" 

Kenshin turned and glared at him. There was that hated name again!

"Oh, sorry—I mean Himura," Iizuka smirked as he hastily corrected himself. "Listen, you find out anything about that woman you brought back here?"

"No, nothing," Kenshin answered warily. "Why?"

"Well, I just thought, since you've talked to her and she's sharing your room and all…."

"That's _not_ my idea!" Kenshin answered quickly. "It's just until Okami can find her some place of her own!"

Iizuka smirked again but stifled his laugh. "Yeah, whatever you say," he smiled, "but still…."

"All I know is what Okami's told me, that she knows how to read and write, and she has experience working at an inn. And apparently Okami's planning to keep her on because when I went to my room just now, I found her things there already!" 

Iizuka could tell from his face that he was not at all happy about this turn of events. 

"You know," Iizuka said smoothly, "there are at least half a dozen men here who would gladly change places with you…." but he was cut off by an abrupt and swift move of Kenshin's hand to the hilt of his sword. "Okay, okay," Iizuka smiled, holding up his hands in mock fear. "We'll check her out, but if you find out anything, let us know, okay?"

Kenshin nodded and then left. It was a beautifully pleasant spring day, with flowering bulbs parading themselves all along the riverbank. It was a joy just to be out on such a glorious day, but his mind couldn't quite calm itself enough to enjoy it thoroughly. This woman had truly turned his world inside-out! At breakfast, he had worried she wouldn't be able to handle the men leering at her, but she had taken care of that problem just fine. And she spoke so softly, but it turned out she had a kind of quiet ferocity when she threw those questions at him after lunch.

Those questions… Would he have killed her if she had had a sword? He didn't know. He had been so conditioned by this point to attack first, ask questions later. If someone had a sword, the instinct was immediate—attack or defend, but never to stand down. Oh, hell, what was he worrying about anyway? When had he ever seen a woman with a weapon? A moot question, ne? But women did carry tantos, didn't they? What then? His mind was so preoccupied with all this that he almost missed the strong tug on his fishing pole and almost lost a good-sized catch. He forced the whole matter to the back of his mind so he wouldn't miss any more. 

It was late afternoon by the time Kenshin returned to inn with several fish. Okami was appreciative, as he had expected, but she seemed unusually tense and had been anxiously awaiting his arrival. She quickly motioned for him to join her in the room off the kitchen.

"I'm so glad you're back," she said in hushed tones. She pointed to a small bundle on her desk. "This is Tomoe's kimono and obi. They're clean and dry now, but before I return them to her, I thought you should see what I found in her obi."

He opened the bundle. In it were the kimono and obi, of course, but also a small black book and a tanto. That thought he had earlier about women carrying weapons didn't seem so moot anymore. He looked at Okami with questioning eyes.

"Well, I don't know what to make of it either," Okami said, responding to his look. "I'll give her her kimono and things, but I'm not sure what to do about that tanto."

"You mean maybe she shouldn't have it back?" Kenshin asked.

"I don't know," Okami said. "I mean, I can understand why a woman alone might carry one around, but on the other hand…."

Kenshin took the tanto and slipped it into his sleeve pocket. "I'll take care of it," he said, although he had no idea what he'd do about it.

He was about to leave the kitchen and go up to his room to ponder this new problem when he noticed Tomoe out in the courtyard hauling up a bucket of water from the well. He had always tried to take care of this backbreaking chore whenever possible, so he went out to help her. He put out a hand to help her pull the rope as he said, "Here, let me take care of that."

His presence clearly startled Tomoe, who almost lost her grip. She tried to shrink away from him, but she found she couldn't without losing the bucket. Kenshin smiled shyly, then said, "I don't mind taking care of this, really."

He hauled up a second bucket, then picked up both buckets and started carrying them to the kitchen. She was clearly surprised by this offer of help, but she managed a soft "Arigatou." As they walked back into the kitchen together, Okami gave the two of them a bemused look. 'This little houseguest he brought back last night might be the best thing that's ever happened to our Himura-chan,' she smiled to herself.

With three girls now working in the kitchen, it looked like there wasn't much for Kenshin to do, so he left to go to his room and await dinner. He was slightly disappointed, actually, because he was somewhat hungry, and he had sort of counted on grabbing a little snack while he helped prepare the meal. Oh, well, this would give him time to figure out what to do about Tomoe's tanto, not to mention what to do about sleeping arrangements!

Dinner passed mostly without incident, thanks to Kenshin's constant glares at any and all comers. He was thankful for this, for it gave him more time to think. Okami had seemed reluctant to give the tanto back to Tomoe, but Kenshin was inclined not to agree. Tomoe seemed to be quite different in temperament from Yuka and Kishi where men were concerned—at least she hadn't tried to flirt with anyone yet—and perhaps she would want her tanto in case some of the men at the inn didn't quite realize that. He decided he would return it to her. 

So, after dinner, he went out to the courtyard to wait until she was finished with her chores. As soon as she emerged from the kitchen, he hurried over to her and said quietly, "Could I talk to you for a moment, please?"

"Hey, nice woman you got there!" a voice called out from the other side of the courtyard.

"Ah, give the kid a break," another voice answered back.

Kenshin's head spun around to see who had bothered to stand up for him. It was Yoshida's friend Matsuo, who was leaning against a post, calmly whittling.

"Himura," Matsuo nodded as he acknowledged Kenshin's glance. He went back to his whittling. A surprised Kenshin nodded back.

He led Tomoe to the neutral territory of the kitchen and sat down. She sat across from him. Before he brought up the matter of the tanto, he decided he'd better talk to her first about sleeping arrangements. He was very uncomfortable with the whole notion of her sharing his room, and he suspected she might be, too.

"I know we're supposed to be sharing my room and all," he began with a gulp. She looked at him with trepidation. "I don't know about you, but I really don't feel right about this, so, um, I'll just sleep outside the door so you can have some privacy."

"I couldn't ask you to do that!" she said in surprise.

"No, it's okay," Kenshin said hastily. "Really—I don't mind."

She lowered her eyes and whispered, "Arigatou."

Then Kenshin held out the tanto, watching her face to see what her reaction would be. Her eyes widened, and she clenched her hands ever so slightly.

"Okami asked me to return this to you," he continued as he placed it on the floor between them. "She found it in your obi. Kyoto is a dangerous place, you know, and this would be useless to you in a place as wicked as this." 

He looked up and saw that she was staring, mesmerized, at the tanto. 

"You really should find another place to live where you wouldn't need something like this," he finished.

Now she looked at him, that strange ferocity returning to her eyes. "To a place where there are no assassins, you mean?" she asked quietly.

Now it was Kenshin's eyes that went wide. She had him there, had it in one. He—or, at least, people like him—was the reason Kyoto was such a dangerous place. He felt a wave of shame engulfing him. Then she startled him.

"Has your wound stopped bleeding?" she asked out of the blue. Her eyes went to his cheek when she saw he didn't understand what she was talking about. "I hope so."

He put his hand to the gash and found, surprisingly, that it had stopped dripping blood. "Yes, I think so," he answered softly. "Thank you for asking."

The tanto still sat on the floor between the two of them, neither moving to take it. Finally, he pushed it closer to her until she slowly picked it up, holding it flat in her two hands as if it were a precious object.

"Thank you for returning this," she finally said softly. "It was a coming-of-age gift from my father, that's all." Then she stood up to leave.

"So, you'll take my advice?" Kenshin asked hopefully.

"No," she replied. "I have no home to go to anymore. Okami-san has been kind enough to offer me work here, so I will stay." And with that, she left the kitchen.

Kenshin kicked himself for offering to sleep outside the door to his room. 'Whatever possessed me to say that!' he thought as he stared after her. 'I'll never get any sleep tonight!' But when the time came, he did exactly that. He had promised, and he was not about to break his word. After he was sure that she was asleep, he found a relatively comfortable spot next to the door and sat, sword propped on his shoulder. Eventually, he drifted off. Not long after, some of the men came up the stairs, talking away. Kenshin awoke with a start, although nothing compared to the start the men got from seeing the Hitokiri Battousai guarding a door in their path. They shut up instantaneously. He drifted back to sleep once again, only to be awakened awhile later by some more men stumbling up the stairs and almost landing on top of him. Finally, sometime after midnight, things quieted down for awhile until one last drunken soldier returned around 2 a.m., cursing as he wove his way down the hall. He was awakened a last time at dawn when Okami came to wake Tomoe for work. She was surprised to see him sleeping in the hall.

"Himura-chan?" she whispered in his ear. "Himura-chan?" His eyes flew open as his hand flew to his sword. 

"No, no!" she continued whispering as she reached out to restrain his arm. "It's only me. What are you doing sleeping out here?"

"Oh—Okami-san!" he whispered back. "I'm sorry, you startled me! It's just, um, well, I didn't feel right sharing a room with, um, a woman, so, um, I told her I'd sleep in the hall! I'll just go now and chop the wood and get the water for you."

He started to stand, but she pushed him back down. "Oh, no you don't," she whispered back. "You go right in there and go back to sleep. I can tell you barely got any rest at all last night!"

"But, Okami-san," he said desperately as he looked at the shoji, "she's still in there sleeping! And she's probably not even dressed or anything!"

"Oh," Okami relented. "Well, then, go ahead and take care of the wood and the water, but only that! Then you will come straight back up here and go to sleep, you understand?"

The sound of a command was loud and clear even though she was whispering, so Kenshin meekly said, "Hai." He headed down the stairs, absently running his hand through his hair before tying it up again so he wouldn't look totally disheveled.

It didn't take long to chop the wood and bring in several buckets of water, and he now felt fairly awake and alert, but Okami shooed him out of the kitchen anyway and marched him back to the stairs. So, he returned to his room. The futon was neatly folded in the corner near Tomoe's belongings, the only reminder of her presence. He went to unfold the futon, but as he did, he could smell her scent, the smell of white plums. Somehow it didn't seem right to sleep on what he now considered to be her futon, so he left it and went to a different corner of the room to make himself comfortable. To his surprise, he soon found himself feeling quite sleepy, and he nodded off quickly.

His sleep, however, was not peaceful. Usually, his nightmares confined themselves to the nights right after an assignment, easing up after there were some days free from killing. And rarely would they intrude when he'd take a nap during the day. This morning, however, was different. He started dreaming of swords on chains hurtling through the darkness at him, of being strangled, and he somehow knew even while dreaming that he was screaming out loud. 

Then he found himself in a dream that had come to him more than once over the last few weeks, a dream in which he kept seeing himself grind his sword into the neck of the man who was supposed to get married. In this dream, he kept trying to hold his sword back, but some unknown force always drove his sword into the man's neck anyway, leaving Kenshin crying out in grief. To make his torment worse, he now started dreaming of the woman he had brought back to the inn, Tomoe, and in this dream he did not bring her back—that unknown force drove his sword into her as well. He screamed out a loud "Noooo!" Suddenly, he awoke to find Tomoe standing near him, almost frozen in fear.

"Himura-san?" she said in a frightened voice. "Are you all right?" 

Now he was shaking. He didn't answer—it was almost as if he didn't know where he was.

"You were having a nightmare," she said. "I must have startled you—I didn't mean to wake you up…."

"Tomoe-san," he whispered huskily, shaking his head as he tried to clear the cobwebs from his brain. "I… um… it was nothing, just a bad dream…."

"I just needed to get something—I'll be gone in a second," she said, moving hesitantly over to her things.

He watched her as she went to retrieve her little black book. She was so graceful, he noted through his mind's haziness. 

"You're sure you're all right?" she asked again as she walked back toward the shoji.

"Yes, fine," he answered. He watched her leave, wondering why she cared. It seemed like every time he thought he had this crazy world figured out, people would do something to remind him that he didn't have a clue as to how the world worked at all.

He had nothing he had to do for the rest of the day, and he had promised Okami that when he had some free time he would replace some broken shingles on the roof, so he went downstairs to the storage shed to get what he needed for the job. It seemed so odd to have to use a ladder to get up to the roof when normally he could have just bounded up there, but with a sack full of replacement shingles, a bag of nails, and a hammer, he could never have made it. Finally, however, he was up on the roof. He had worked for well over half an hour when he got the distinct feeling that he was being watched. He stopped and looked out onto the street below—nothing. He searched the windows and roofs of the buildings across the way—nothing. A ninja perhaps? They were experts at disguising their ki, but even the most expert ninja would have been hard-pressed to avoid his scrutiny.

By chance, he glanced down into the courtyard, and then he saw it—a pair of eyes watching him from the dining room window. It was Tomoe, who appeared to be in the midst of arranging some flowers. She turned her eyes away when she saw that he had noticed her. Maybe Matsuo was right that women didn't have a ki, but right now, if he concentrated hard enough, he could sense a kind of curiosity coming from her that didn't seem all that random—more like there was a purpose to it—but once again, he couldn't be sure. It was definitely unnerving. So, when he was finished he went to find Okami, ostensibly to tell her the chore was done but really to see if she had learned anything new about this woman. 

"Anything new?" she asked quizzically. "Really, she's very quiet, doesn't say much about anything."

"Well, it's just… um… well, just now, when I was on the roof, I caught her staring at me, and I got the feeling she wanted to know something about me," he said.

"Oh, well, it's not every day you see a man on the roof!" Okami laughed.

'In my line of work you do,' Kenshin thought ruefully. Out loud, though, he said, "It's just that I can't figure out what it is she wants. It's a total mystery to me."

"But that's the way it is with us women," she said with a curious grin. "We remain a mystery, and men become intrigued."

"Yes, well, um, I really wouldn't know about that," Kenshin stuttered, blushing slightly, "but this seems to be something different, like maybe she's hiding something."

"Oh, well, I wouldn't let that bother you," Okami said with a smile. "After all, we all have our little secrets, don't we?"

Kenshin nodded. Perhaps she was right.

****

Japanese Terms:

Shoji: sliding door.

Hashi: chopsticks.

Obi: the sash or belt worn with a kimono.

Tanto: a small dagger often carried by women.

Arigatou: thank you.

Hai: yes.

****

Author's Note: Ok, so this chapter is basically plot development, but what a plot, ne? Next chapter, Tomoe's questions make Kenshin doubt his work just as the black envelopes start arriving again (so for all of you who are disappointed that this chapter had no fight scene, be sure to read the next chapter!). For a look at what I think is going on in Tomoe's mind, check out Chapter 3 of my previous fanfic, _In Search of Family_—it's her diary entries. And in answer to those of you who wonder if this fanfic will go straight through to the end of the Bakumatsu, the answer is no. There have been so many wonderful fanfics about Kenshin after his return from Otsu (_Shadow of Shadows, Rended, _and _The Darkest Shadows, the Brightest Lights_ come to mind) that I could never improve on them. 

By the way, that little bit about the tanto being a coming-of-age gift, I got that idea from _The Tale of Genji_—it was the custom for the nobility to give their daughters a dagger when they came of age (and if you've read _The Tale of Genji_, you can probably guess that it was to fend off all those lecherous men!).

As always, I thank all of you who have been kind enough to read my story: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here, Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, Lucrecia LeVrai, Beriath, Sheik Muhammed, Arthain, Arctic Neo, Sawdust Monster, Blaze of Fire, and Ariane Deralte. I continue to tread on thin ice, and the ice seems to be getting thinner, but what the heck—I might as well live dangerously!

****

CoConspirator's Note: Not a lot of action in this chapter, but don't worry because things will heat up!! Personally, I would have liked to continue this story after Tomoe's death, but we wouldn't want to sound boring. Naga, when will you finish your story?!! *sobs* Well, see you in the next chapter!!


	13. chapter 13

Tomoe's questions cause Kenshin to doubt the rightness of his actions just as the black envelopes start coming again.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 13

It had been three days since Kenshin was attacked by the Shogunate assassin, three days since he brought Tomoe, who had witnessed the attack, back to the inn. Since that time, he had not received any black envelopes. He figured it was because Katsura was concerned that there was a traitor in their midst. Or maybe it had to do with those rumors that something big was in the works, although he heard that Katsura was dead set against whatever it was. It was the longest break from killing he had had since last winter's blizzard, and he was determined to enjoy every second of it.

Unfortunately, it was raining too hard at the moment to wander around town, which he often did just to people-watch, so he sat in his room spinning his top. Some people thought spinning tops was a mindless activity, but then they hadn't studied with Hiko. It was Hiko who taught him how to start the spin while at the same time launching the top into the air. With skill, he could pick a target, launch the top, and have the top land directly on the target, all without losing the momentum of the spin. He was in the midst of such a launch when Tomoe walked in, fresh from having served and cleaned up from breakfast. She was startled to find Kenshin in the room at this hour, and he was startled to see her, causing the top to stop spinning in mid-air and fall to the floor with a thump. Tomoe started backing out of the room, saying, "So sorry, so sorry," over and over, but Kenshin stopped her.

"No, no, it's okay, it's your room, too," he said as he went to retrieve the top.

Although they had now been sharing a room for three days, somehow Kenshin still felt totally tongue-tied in this woman's presence, and she still continued to be a complete mystery to him in every way. So, they remained in an uncomfortable silence until, finally, Kenshin said, "Maybe Okami-san will be able to find a room for you soon."

"I don't think so," Tomoe replied as she went to her pile of belongings. "She says a large group of men should be arriving any day, and everyone will have to double up."

"Oh," he said. So the rumors were true, he thought, as he started spinning his top again.

Another few moments of silence descended. Then Tomoe said, "I didn't know soldiers played with toys."

"The top?" Kenshin said. "I've had this for as long as I can remember, almost since I was born."

"How old are you?" Tomoe asked.

"Almost fifteen—another few weeks," Kenshin answered.

"I'm eighteen," she said.

"Oh," he replied.

Tomoe had now picked up some mending to do and was threading her needle as silence once again came over them.

"I don't even know your surname," Kenshin finally said, breaking the silence. "You do have a surname, don't you?"

"Yes," she said shyly. "It's Yukishiro. Yukishiro Tomoe." 

A few more moments of silence passed. Then she said, "And I don't know your first name."

"Kenshin," he answered just as shyly. "Himura Kenshin."

"Heart of sword?" she said. "Your parents must have had a premonition."

A premonition? Of what? Then he realized what she meant. "Oh, no," he said quickly. "My shishou gave me that name. My parents died when I was five."

"Oh," she said.

That uncomfortable silence descended yet again. The rain seemed to be relenting somewhat, so Kenshin got up and reached for his umbrella.

"Well, I'll be going," he said. "I'll probably see you at lunch."

"Hai," she said. 

Her eyes were downcast as she said it, but as he walked out he could feel her eyes on his back. This time, however, the sense he got from her was not one of purposeful information-gathering, as he had felt when he was on the roof the day before, but a kind of perplexity, as if she were surprised about something. And later in the morning, when he carried in some water buckets for her, he sensed a kind of calmness in her that hadn't been there before. At least she didn't shrink away from him!

He had just left the kitchen and was going back to his room before lunch when Iizuka caught up with him. He knew before the man opened his mouth what was in store for him—he knew his holiday from killing couldn't last. Sure enough, Iizuka handed him not one, but two black envelopes. Kenshin had become somewhat relaxed over the past few days, as he usually did when he had a break from the killing, and as usual, that feeling evaporated in an instant with the appearance of a black envelope. He could feel his mind shut down and the hitokiri's coldness take over. Tomoe must have seen them talking in the hall, for as he walked away he could hear Iizuka telling her she probably wouldn't see him again until tomorrow.

Iizuka was right. Kenshin didn't even stop in his room before heading off to his secluded meadow to read the envelopes and practice his kata. He didn't even care that it was still drizzling. Two killings tonight. How many did that make for the entire month? Twenty-five? Thirty? How many had he killed since he had started nearly nine months ago, and still the new era had not come. Katsura had told him last fall that, with luck, maybe everything would be over in six months. Well, here they were nearly nine months later and, at least to him, nothing had changed. Still two more killings to do.

He mechanically went through his kata, clearing his mind of its doubts. These two killings were nothing special—both men would be walking with bodyguards, and he knew exactly where and when to find them. He did his usual preliminary work to scout the areas. When evening came, he stopped at a bar for some food and sake. Then he went to the first location to await his target.

It was while he was waiting that his mind started to part ever so slightly from its hitokiri mold. Why, it wanted to know, was this man marked for death? What made him so different from anyone else that his very existence was a threat to the Ishin Shishi? Kenshin had to consciously close down this line of thought—it was enough, he told himself, that the Ishin Shishi said so. And when his target came into sight, Kenshin descended on him and his four bodyguards like a dragon from hell. This time, though, the dragon hesitated for just a fraction of a second as his mind wondered one last time why these men deserved to die. They were all dead in an instant, of course, and to the untrained eye the work was godlike in its speed and efficiency, but to Kenshin it was a shoddy piece of work indeed.

Then it was on to the second assignment of the night, but now his mind started nagging him again—why did that man's four bodyguards have to die? All they were doing was earning their pay. Did that make them bad, or could they perhaps have been good people who happened to earn their living with their swords? Damn that question from Tomoe! Kenshin had long ago stopped asking for information on his targets—Iizuka had been right about that, it wasn't a good idea to know too much—but now he longed to know. 

He was now on the outskirts of town, hiding in the shadow of a grove of trees while awaiting his second target. He saw the man and his three bodyguards approach, and he forced himself to concentrate only on the task ahead. He was about to quietly move towards them when he heard the man say to his bodyguards, "Wait here, will you? I have to take a leak."

With all the stands of trees in this area, the man chose to head for the trees where Kenshin was hiding. Kenshin quickly surveyed the changing scenario and concluded that perhaps at least these bodyguards could be spared. He quickly swung up onto a tree branch as his target started walking over. As the man began to undo his hakama, Kenshin jumped down, quiet as a cat, and said softly, "I am here to deliver 'Heaven's Justice.'" The quiet of the little grove seemed to magnify the whoosh made by the lightening-swift arc of Kenshin's blade. It seemed to magnify even the soft hiss made by his blade cutting through the flesh and bone of the man's neck. And it seemed to magnify the two thuds as first the man's head, then his body fell at Kenshin's feet. Kenshin was long gone before the man's companions started wondering what was taking so long and found the body of their master lying on the ground.

As usual when Kenshin returned to the inn, he went to the washroom off the kitchen to wash his hands and pour some water over his head. Another six lives. He washed his hands again, and again, and again. It seemed recently that no matter how much he washed his hands, he could still see and smell the blood on them. His clothes were bloody from the first attack, and he needed to wash them, too, but it was well past midnight, and Tomoe was surely asleep in his room at this hour. He should have thought to grab his old green gi and spare hakama before leaving earlier, but he hadn't, so he went to his room and quietly retrieved his clothes without disturbing her. He then proceeded to the shed near the kitchen to spend the night. He could wash his clothes in the morning.

It was probably a good thing he slept in the shed, for his nightmares were worse than usual. The problem started as he was trying, unsuccessfully, to fall asleep. It had been awhile since the last time, but Hiko once again managed to invade his mental space. "You will have to join one side or the other, and they will use you!" he remembered Hiko shouting at him the day he left. "If you leave this mountain, you will live the life of a murderer under the direction of men who write their own justice!" 

Hiko. He hated to admit it, but maybe the arrogant bastard was right—maybe he was being used. He was so tired of the killing, so tired of the black envelopes, so tired of despising that part of him that actually enjoyed the thrill of battle. It was a long time before he finally managed to fall asleep—a sleep broken by dreams of bloodied and mutilated bodies, of severed heads rising from the ground to curse him, of that man who was about to get married. 

He finally woke up sometime around breakfast—it was the smell of food and the sound of men eating that eventually woke him. He quickly smoothed his hair and tried to straighten his clothes, and then walked in late to the dining room. He took the only available seat, across from Iizuka.

"That was a lucky break last night, eh? By that stand of trees?" Iizuka said.

Kenshin was still a bit groggy. All he managed was, "Huh?"

"That guy taking a leak! What a break for you!" Iizuka said breezily.

"Oh, yeah," Kenshin grunted. He dug hungrily into his food.

"But it looked like you were a little slow on the draw on that first one," Iizuka continued.

"Oh, that," Kenshin said dully. "It won't happen again."

"Well, that's okay, kid—it was still a thousand times faster than anyone else can do," Iizuka concluded.

As Tomoe passed by to return to the kitchen, she nodded to Kenshin. He nodded back, then realized that he looked a mess, and it had been several days since he had thought to check to see if he needed to shave. He had never really cared before, but now he felt his chin. Only a tiny bit of stubble—not too bad. He resolved to remember to take care of that after breakfast.

Wait a minute! Since when did he care what he looked like? It was that Tomoe woman! She was messing with his mind! 'Remember,' he told himself, 'you are a hitokiri! It's not good to get close to anyone!' 

In fact, when he looked down at his hands he could still see, in his mind's eye at least, the blood from last night's assignments. What was it she had said when he returned her tanto? She needed it to protect herself from assassins like him. He closed his eyes and steeled himself as the accustomed wave of shame rolled over him. Yes, he was a hitokiri, and no number of days without killing would ever change that fact. The least person on the street was better than he was, for they did not kill from the shadows. His appetite was gone now. He pushed his food away and got up. It was time to deal with his clothing from last night—might as well not put it off any longer. 

So, he got a bucket, a washboard, and some soap from the washroom off the kitchen, and went out to the shed to retrieve his dirty clothes. Then he set to work by the well to clean the blood and gore from his gi and hakama. He was elbow-deep in suds when suddenly Tomoe appeared beside him.

"I'll do that for you, if you'd like," she offered.

Kenshin blanched and pushed everything down into the suds—he didn't want her to see what had made the clothes so dirty. "No, that's okay," he replied quickly.

"Really, it's no problem," she said as she started tying her sleeves back.

Kenshin forced the clothes to the bottom of the tub to keep her from touching them. "No, I don't think you should…" but she was already bending down to take over.

"I had to work last night!" Kenshin finally blurted out. "You don't want to see this!"

"I know," she said softly. Then she placed a hand on his arm and gently pushed it away. "I've seen blood before."

Kenshin sat back on his heels, not knowing what to say or do. He just sat and watched as she calmly inspected the front of his still-bloodied gi and proceeded to rub it against the washboard. He was suddenly ashamed of the fact that his one and only blue gi was heavily patched from all the use it had gotten.

"You need to have some mending done on this," she noted as she stuck a finger through another hole in the fabric. "I can fix this for you later."

"Oh, no, I can do that," Kenshin mumbled. He didn't know what to make of this.

He continued watching her as she methodically cleaned both the gi and the hakama. When she was done, she asked, "Where do I hang them?"

"In the room," he answered, still too astonished for words by this act of kindness.

He followed her upstairs and helped her lay the clothes out to dry. 

"Perhaps you should consider buying a new hakama," she said as she fingered the badly frayed edges of the fabric.

"Yes, um, thank you," Kenshin replied. Then she left.

He sat in stunned silence. What was going on here? One day she's eyeing him in a way that set off his hitokiri alarms, the next day she's doing the nicest things for him! Something wasn't right, but he couldn't figure out what. His mind started to wander as he sat there until he realized that what he really needed to do was talk with Katsura about this. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Katsura or even Katagai since their talk the morning after he had brought Tomoe back to the inn. He knew Iizuka would know their whereabouts, so he searched him out. He found him lazing in a sunny patch at the far end of the courtyard.

"Iizuka!" Kenshin shouted from across the way, breaking the peace of the courtyard.

Iizuka shot up like someone had poked him with a red-hot iron. "Battousai! Don't scare me like that!" he cried out. At Kenshin's glare, he added, "I mean, Himura."

"Where's Katsura and Katagai?" Kenshin asked point-blank. "I really need to talk to one of them right away."

Iizuka gave him a long, appraising look. "Ohhhhh, love life getting you down?" he smirked.

"Lay off!" Kenshin retorted testily. "I just need to speak to them. Katsura never finished his talk with me, and now I have some things I need to bring up with him."

"Well, they've been pretty busy," Iizuka said, rubbing his chin in thought. "Lots of meetings—day and night, in fact. Katagai's barely been sleeping here, and Katsura's been staying with his consort mostly, but I can tell them you want to see them."

"Please do that. And by the way, her surname is Yukishiro, and she's eighteen."

"Oh, so you're making progress!" Iizuka said with a leer.

"Iizuka…," Kenshin growled menacingly. His hand moved to the hilt of his sword.

"Can't even take a little joke, can you," Iizuka muttered as he got up and dusted himself off. Then he reached into his sleeve and drew out a black envelope. "I was going to give this to you before lunch. Might as well just give it to you now."

Kenshin looked at it in disgust. He snatched it out of his hand, turned on his heel, and stormed out of the courtyard.

"Getting a bit touchy, isn't he," Iizuka commented to no one in particular. 

Kenshin practically knocked a few men over as he strode back into the inn. He didn't know why, but now he was angry—angry at Tomoe, angry at Iizuka, angry at himself. He had somehow managed, over the past nine months, to find a way to survive the life he had to lead, but in three short days Tomoe had succeeded in breaking down his barriers. As for Iizuka, the man seemed to derive some kind of perverse pleasure in taunting him about his so-called love life. And himself? He reserved his harshest condemnation for himself. How could he let his guard down so much! How could he let himself feel anything, even after Tomoe had been kind to him! He was a hitokiri, and he'd better not forget it or he'd be dead! He mentally closed the barriers in his brain with a loud snap.

He knew she would still be in his room, but he went up anyway to grab his hat—the late spring sun had been getting rather intense lately. She said a soft hello, but he merely glared back at her. Then he was off to the meadow to practice. His anger at the world left little mercy for the tiny grove of trees—three saplings tasted the wrath of his sword, and the ground gave way as it absorbed a vicious Do Ryu Sen. He glanced at the contents of the black envelope—great, a kill at someone's home again. He hated those; they caused the worst nightmares. 

He decided to put off his scouting for the job until after lunch and instead just sat in the middle of the meadow, staring off into the mountains. His anger at the world was such that he was even angry at them. 'Damned mountains!' he raged to himself. 'It was because of you that we were shielded from the worst horrors of the age! If we had lived here, in Kyoto, Hiko would have wiped out the evil long ago, before it could fester! Why couldn't Hiko see that! Then there wouldn't have been a need for the Ishin Shishi, there wouldn't have been a need for me to offer my arm and my sword, there wouldn't have been a need for me to kill….'

He stormed off back toward the city and the inn for lunch—he may have been angry, but he was still hungry! If he had even bothered to notice, he would have seen that people hurried out of his way as if they instinctively knew that something dangerous was in their midst. But he was oblivious until he came to the edge of the marketplace, for there he saw one abuse too many—a samurai beating up an elderly shopkeeper. He heard the samurai yelling something about not bowing properly and the old man pleading for mercy. He strode up and in the blink of an eye had whipped out his sheathed sword and cracked it over the back of the samurai's neck. The man crumpled. Then he walked calmly away without even a backwards glance.

There were several seconds of stunned silence, but then all hell broke loose. The onlookers rushed to help the old man, who lay on the ground bleeding from the beating he had received, while others went over to kick the now-dead samurai, but no one was quite sure just what had happened. Hadn't there been someone in a hat? Was that who did it? Better get rid of this body before the police showed up! And Kenshin didn't care—just another victim to add to his long list, and this time a very obviously deserving victim, in his opinion.

Even at the inn, the men could tell that Kenshin was in a dangerous mood—they, too, parted as he passed by them, and no one wanted to be near him at lunch. That was just fine with him because he didn't want to be near them either, so he grabbed his tray of food and took it to his room. Then he wolfed down his meal and left. Even Okami couldn't get a civil word from him—he just growled "Go away" when she thanked him for bringing his tray back to the kitchen.

There was not much to his scouting trip—luckily just a simple house on a secluded street, not many guards. And the job itself turned out to be just as simple—just slip over the fence by the large maple tree, slit the throat of the guard by the kitchen door, behead the target while he meditated, then leave the same way he came. This time, however, on his way in to do the deed, he passed the room of two little children, asleep. He could see them through the partially opened shoji—they looked so peaceful all cuddled up in their blankets. It made no difference, though—their father was about to meet his ancestors for his crimes against the people. What were those crimes, by the way? Didn't matter. He coldly and clinically did the job.

It was when he got back to the inn that it all hit him, as it always did. Those children—they were now fatherless, and it was because of him! He went to the room off the kitchen to wash his hands, but now he could barely stand to look at those hands. He had killed these children's father! No amount of washing would ever remove that stain. As he stood there, washing his hands over and over, he heard a sound. It was Tomoe standing at the doorway, a robe covering her sleeping yukata. He stiffened.

"Don't concern yourself with me," he said, forcing himself to maintain his cold exterior.

"Do you intend to keep killing like this?" she asked quietly.

He turned to look at her, not saying a word.

"I know you've been sleeping in the shed," she said finally. "You should sleep in your own room tonight."

'Damn right,' he thought to himself. 'It is my room, after all!' "Yes, I will," though, was all he said aloud.

He turned back to the wash basin and continued rinsing his hands as he heard her leave. He waited until he was sure she would be back in the room and under the covers before going there himself. He knew she was watching, although she pretended to be asleep, as he went to the far corner and settled himself down, sword propped on his shoulder.

His dreams that night were horrendous. He kept seeing those two children, innocently sleeping in their beds. Then he saw them awake, crying in torment at the sight of their headless father. In his dream, their mother came to them covered in blood, but it wasn't their mother—it looked like Tomoe. The mother who was Tomoe suddenly saw him and lunged at him with a tanto; his dream self calmly sliced her in half. He woke up screaming, only to find the real Tomoe kneeling in front of him. He began to sob.

"Himura-san?" she whispered softly.

He continued to cry, his shoulders shaking with each breath.

"You don't really like to kill, do you," she said gently.

"No!" he sobbed, "No!" 

_____________________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Kata: prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate factions.

Tanto: small dagger.

Do Ryu Sen: the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu move in which Kenshin hits the ground with his sword, causing massive destruction to anyone standing in the way.

****

Author's Note: Before all you OAV-watchers flame me, one comment about the conversation with Tomoe at the beginning of the chapter. If you read the manga, you'll find that when Kenshin asks Tomoe her name, she answers only with her first name, so it's appropriate for him to finally ask what her surname is (he can guess she's from a samurai family because she knows how to read and write); this is different from the OAV. Next chapter, Kenshin and Tomoe come to an understanding, and Kenshin encounters the Shinsengumi as things start to heat up for the Chousu.

Thanks once again to all our reviewers for all your kind comments, suggestions, and support! You are truly the best reviewers a writer could ask for: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here, Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, Lucrecia LeVrai, Beriath, Sheik Muhammed, Arthain, Arctic Neo, Sawdust Monster, Blaze of Fire, and Ariane Deralte, Archangel Rhapsody, Steffe1, and Blade of Fire.

****

CoConspirator's Note: Hmmm, Kenshin with stubble—now there's an interesting picture!! 

Darn those pesky women, not to mention those mountains—so troublesome!! ^_- Things got a little more exciting in this chapter, but nothing compared to what's coming up!! Well, ja ne!!


	14. chapter 14

Kenshin finds he has a source of comfort in Tomoe even as the political situation in Kyoto becomes more violent and unstable for the Ishin Shishi.

There are quotes from the manga in this chapter, all from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!), as well as quotes from the OAV. In this chapter, I combine things quite a bit.

Sony, Jump Comics, and all the rest of the conglomerates who hold the copyrights to _Rurouni Kenshin_ are probably angry with me—I forgot to bow and scrape to them in the last chapter! Therefore, I humbly acknowledge that I do not own the characters of Rurouni Kenshin. They belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro (our hero) and the above-named evil empires.

(If you're wondering why this chapter appeared on two other sites last week before appearing on ff.net today, it's because I tried last week for four days to post on ff.net without success, then went on vacation for a couple of days.)

****

Descent into Madness

By

Conspirator

Chapter 14

It was now the third week of May, and there was a tension in the air. Everyone in Kyoto could feel it—the merchants, the laborers, the children, the soldiers. They could all sense that something was going to happen—they just didn't know what or when. Seven new men had arrived to be stationed at the inn, heightening the feeling of imminency there. Okami would have loved to have Kenshin's help in the kitchen now, especially before breakfast when things were busiest, but the black envelopes were coming faster now—two and sometimes three a day. He was hardly there except to sleep.

So it was that several days passed before Iizuka could arrange a meeting between Kenshin and Katagai. Kenshin was dead tired, but he dragged himself down to Okami's private room off the kitchen nonetheless to get some things off his chest.

"Good to see you, Himura," the older man said, "although I must say you look worn out!"

"I'm tired, that's all," Kenshin responded. Well, now that he was here, he wasn't quite sure what he was going to say. 

"Iizuka tells me you need to discuss something with Katsura and me," Katagai prompted.

With great effort, Kenshin pulled his mind together. "Katagai-san, " he finally said, "I… it's just… Katagai-san, I need to know why I'm doing the work I'm doing—and don't give me that 'very existence is a threat to the new era' crap!"

A lesser man might have shown surprise at this outburst, but Katagai didn't flinch, didn't twitch a muscle. He took it all in stride as he answered.

"You know that the Shogunate depends on a whole foundation of people and institutions," the commander started. "They're people like the munitions suppliers, of course, but also their commodities suppliers, their tax collectors, their judges, their harbor masters—the list goes on and on. Without that foundation, the Shogunate collapses. You are the tool that's chipping away at that foundation. Piece by piece by piece, we have taken it apart until now the Shogunate is nothing but a house of cards ready to topple. It's hollow. They know it, and now the entire country knows it. It's already led to some sweeping reforms in the government, and it's enabled us to form an alliance with some of the other rebel provinces. None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for you."

He stopped to gauge the reaction this information had on Kenshin; he saw none.

"Things are now at a very delicate stage," Katagai continued. "Some of the other Chousu leaders in particular are not satisfied with the pace of change. They're pushing for more radical moves. We are trying to prevent them. I know I can count on your discretion not to mention this to anyone."

Kenshin nodded.

"Himura," he went on, "I know the job we gave you is difficult. Hell, I wasn't in favor of asking you to do it in the first place! You look about as worn out as anyone I've ever seen. If you think you need to take a break, just say so."

'Yes! Yes!' Kenshin desperately wanted to say. Instead, he said, "No, I gave my word to Katsura-san last fall. I can't go back on it."

Katagai nodded. Then he asked, "Are things all right between you and the Yukishiro woman?"

"Not you, too!" Kenshin said through gritted teeth.

Katagai chuckled quietly. "What I mean is, I know you weren't happy about having to share your room with her, although Okami-san keeps thanking the gods that the woman ended up here, in her kitchen. She says you were sleeping out in the hall and in a shed somewhere."

"I'm sleeping in my room now," Kenshin said. "In a corner!" he added hastily.

"We've checked up on her, of course…."—Kenshin looked up in surprise—"….and we're fairly confident that she's not our traitor…"

"Traitor?!" He hadn't considered that possibility!

"…but we still haven't figured out who the traitor is," Katagai finished. "Be careful, Himura—watch your back. These are dangerous times for us."

"I'll be careful," Kenshin promised. "And… thank you for the information." 

"By the way, Himura," Katagai called after him as he left, "have you given any thought to getting some new clothes? Those look like they're about to disintegrate!"

Right—that's just what he wanted to do right now, to go visit that old witch Junko, the seamstress. He was tired, he was irritable, he was on edge—probably just the right mood to tangle with her, actually. He went up to his room and checked his supply of cash. His needs were so few that he had spent hardly any of his pay over the months, so he had more than enough to buy a new gi and hakama. He took what he needed and trudged out to the old hag's shop.

When he reached her doorstep, he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the onslaught he knew was coming. She did not disappoint him.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in!" Junko cackled, eyeing his tattered clothing. Time had not changed her one whit. "If it isn't the shrimpy red-head, although I'll admit you've grown just a tiny bit!"

Kenshin glared at her. "Junko-san, I am not here to discuss my height," he said in a voice that was so cold, so dangerous, that even Junko took notice. "I need a new blue gi and a gray hakama, and that is all."

"Well…! I…!" She kept her mouth shut as she scuttled around looking for her tape measure. As she approached with it, he stuck his arms out as he had the first time she had measured him so many months before. When she finished measuring his arms, back, and waist, he spread his legs apart so that she could measure the inseam. Not a word passed between them. 

When she was done, Junko said in a most business-like way, "These will be ready in two days. I will send the bill. Good day!"

Kenshin nodded and left. As he shut the door, he broke into a grin and did a little jig. He had done it—he had rendered the old crone speechless! He felt as victorious as if he had just defeated an entire squad of Bakufu soldiers! He'd have to tell Okami about this victory, but first he needed to sleep, and that's exactly what he did when he got back.

He couldn't sleep in his room, though. It had started to drizzle on his way back from the seamstress, and Tomoe, who had been out tending Okami's small herb garden, was now in his room sweeping and cleaning, so Kenshin went back downstairs to find a place to nap. The shed tended to leak, so that wasn't a good choice, but there was a nice little nook in the common room across from the dining room. He settled himself against a table that was piled high with books and enjoyed the breeze coming from the window. Soon, he was fast asleep.

As often was the case when he napped, his sleep was dreamless. Suddenly, though, he felt something around his arms and neck. Chains, his sleeping mind warned him! He was under attack by the assassin! He shot up from where he sat on the floor. In an instant, he had his sword drawn and positioned against the throat of his attacker—except it wasn't an attacker.

"Tomoe-san!" 

Kenshin's eyes went wide as he realized who was before him. A fear of his own power swept over him, causing him to push her away as he himself backed up quickly to the other side of the room. What had he done!

"I'm so sorry… so sorry!" Kenshin cried out, panting from the panic that was overtaking him. "I bragged I'd never kill a civilian, and now look at me! If you had come any closer, I would have…." He didn't even want to think what would have happened!

He looked down and saw her blue shawl on the floor. He picked it up, staring at it as if he had never seen a shawl before.

"It's chilly out, and you were sleeping so close to the window…" Tomoe said hesitantly as she picked herself up from where she had fallen. "I didn't want you to catch cold."

"Catch cold…?" He shook his head, trying desperately to comprehend what was going on. 'She was covering me with her shawl?' he thought incredulously.

The books that had been on the table were now all over the floor, so the two of them started picking them up. Tomoe looked at him as she did so, a pity starting to well up in her heart. Over the past many days she had seen both sides of this strange boy—the fierce assassin, but also the shy, kind boy who hated to kill. Katsura had talked to her the other night while Kenshin was out. He had explained about the 'extreme justice' the Chousu were undertaking, had told her that Kenshin's role was to mete out that justice. She had been horrified—they were asking a boy do the killing they would not do themselves! She barely knew Kenshin, but already she had seen the toll it was taking on him—the nightmares, the shame, the unbearably sad look in his eyes. She had her reasons for hating the feared Hitokiri Battousai—reasons she had only shared once in Kyoto, and now she wasn't sure she should have—but she found she could not hate the boy whom these men had turned into a hitokiri. She had resolved after that talk to help him cope in any way she could.

"Will you kill people for the rest of your life?" Tomoe asked cautiously as she picked up some more books. "Perhaps you should find a place where you could live in peace, where you wouldn't have to sleep with a sword in your hands."

"I've slept with a sword since I was a child," Kenshin said as he retrieved his top from under a book. "I've seen too many people killed not to be careful."

"So this is how you will live your life?" she pressed. 

"That's what's been given to me," he answered simply. "Besides, I won't live for long." 

He went to hand back her shawl and was surprised to see a shocked expression on her face.

"I'm a killer, remember?" he said as he sat down once again by the window. "You wouldn't want to have anything to do with that."

Tomoe walked over to him and laid the shawl across his lap.

"Let me stay here awhile," she said softly. "You need a sheath, to hold back your madness."

Now it was Kenshin's turn to look shocked. He fingered the shawl as he tried to read what was in her eyes. She wanted to help him? Was that what he saw? 

He stared at her for several seconds, then said, "I thought about my answer, you know—whether I would have killed you if you had had a sword." He stopped for a moment before continuing. "The answer is no—I wouldn't kill you. Whatever happened, I could never do that to you. Not to you… never."

Their eyes now locked, an understanding of sorts passing between them—they both knew then that they would help each other deal with what the world had thrust upon them. 

Life for Kenshin now seemed to change in small, subtle ways. When he returned from an assignment, he was no longer surprised when Tomoe met him in the washroom off the kitchen—somehow she could tell when he was there and would bring him a clean change of clothes and an offer to wash his dirty ones. He, in return, carried the water buckets and did other heavy chores for her whenever he could. He would never seek her out on his own to talk, but he had to admit he looked forward to their chance encounters in the hallway or the kitchen, when they would exchange a pleasant word or two. He couldn't quite understand it, but she seemed to accept him even though she knew what he was and what he had to do.

And what he had to do, of course, never stopped. In fact, as June approached, the black envelopes came even faster, if that was possible, and once again he had the feeling that he was being watched by someone trying to mask their ki. This time he sensed it not just during the day, but sometimes even after completing an assignment. As usual, when he sensed it he would take evasive action so that whoever it was could not follow him back to the inn, but the fact that they seemed to know where to find him even at night made him more cautious than ever.

It was the second day of June when everything came to a head. He had just finished an assignment in a hilly, residential area of town, and Iizuka and his men had just arrived to take care of the aftermath, when suddenly he sensed the presence of four strong battle ki's. He barely had time to call Iizuka's name in warning when the men appeared, wearing the trademark white and blue of the Shinsengumi. 

"Battousai, die!" they shouted.

Kenshin had already started running in the opposite direction by the time they yelled. He started up a long flight of stairs that flanked one of the hillsides in an attempt to separate the men from each other. As soon as he sensed that only one man was behind him, he turned and launched an attack that broke the man's sword and sliced him in half. As he finished the lethal swing, he turned again and thrust his sword into the next man's abdomen. A third man came flying at him, but Kenshin had already started running back down the stairs; he used his momentum to cleave the man in two. The last attacker now came running up the stairs so fast he couldn't stop himself in time; Kenshin turned and swung, cutting him in half across his back. Then he rushed back down the stairs and towards the alleys he knew would lead him to safety.

"Hey, are you all right?" Iizuka yelled as he caught up with him briefly. "Ambushed again, and by the Shinsengumi this time! There are spies among us for sure!" Then he took off in the opposite direction from Kenshin.

Kenshin ran until he was as far away from the stairs as he could get. Even as he ran, he could hear behind him the sound of more Shinsengumi arriving at the scene, and he had no intention of being found by a whole squad. When he finally got far enough away, he allowed himself to stop and catch his breath and think. 

Shinsengumi! Was that who had been following him recently? How could they have known where to find him tonight? For he was sure they knew exactly where and when he would be at those stairs. It was an out-of-the-way spot, certainly not a place the Shinsengumi would just casually happen to be passing at this time of night. When he finally made it back to the inn, he found he was more grateful than ever for Tomoe's calm presence in the washroom as he cleaned up from the night's exertions.

The next day, Iizuka told him the Shinsengumi attack on him was not the only thing that had happened the previous night—they had also captured the second-in-command of one of the other Chousu leaders.

"There's some kind of big meeting being planned, and Furutaka knows all the details," Iizuka told him in a panicked voice. "They say he didn't actually know where the meeting's supposed to be held, but he knows everything else! They'll torture him for sure to get the information. We don't even have any idea where he's being held! The clan's in an uproar. I'm telling you, kid, things are getting really bad!"

Then he held out a black envelope. 

"Just one?" Kenshin asked sarcastically.

"You'd better take a look at this one," Iizuka said ominously. Kenshin opened the envelope and stared at the contents. 

"But this man, Hagiwara—he's Chousu, isn't he?" Kenshin asked.

"There was only one other person besides Miyabe-san who knew where Furutaka was going last night," Iizuka replied. "Him."

A long silence ensued as Kenshin absorbed the implications of this information. "Then this is the traitor," he finally said.

"Except that doesn't explain the two ambushes against you," Iizuka said. "Only Miyabe-san knows your identity, not this guy or even Furutaka."

Kenshin had never been asked to kill a member of the Ishin Shishi before. He started to feel almost sick. 

"You see the handwriting on that letter?" Iizuka said as he watched Kenshin's reaction to the name marked for death. "It's Katsura's. This comes from the top. It must be done."

The paper crackled as Kenshin suddenly crushed it in his hand. The cold eyes of the killer had returned, causing Iizuka to shiver despite the warmth of the day.

"One more thing," Iizuka said as Kenshin started to walk away. "Katsura wants to meet with you. Not here, though—too dangerous. You're to meet him tomorrow morning at the safe house near the Nishiki-koji market, at 10 a.m. You know what to say to get admitted to the house, right?"

Kenshin's only answer was a curt nod as he strode away. His mind was in a whirl. An Ishin Shishi—he was to kill one of their own! He couldn't quite come to terms with it. And this Furutaka—would he tell what he knew under torture? What would happen if he did? He walked through the inn in stony silence, not even acknowledging Tomoe as he passed her. The meadow! He needed to go to the meadow to sort out his thoughts!

Once he got there, though, his mind became a blank except for one thought—he was commanded to kill one of their own. He mechanically started going through the kata, but his concentration was off. A traitor. What kind of man would turn on his own comrades? He started his kata again, this time with a kind of fury. A man who would turn his back on what he believed! His swings became even more fierce. A man who valued his own hide more than the ideals of peace and justice! By the time he was done, he no longer had any hesitations about the task set before him. This man would die for betraying the cause!

The task itself would be daunting. The only information he had was that his target would be at Miyabe's headquarters at dinnertime, but that meant the man would be surrounded by other Ishin Shishi. If this had been a Bakufu target, that wouldn't have mattered—if he had to kill the people around his target to eliminate witnesses, so be it. This time, though, he would be dealing with his own people, and he would not kill other Ishin Shishi fighters just because they had the misfortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He decided that a different tactic was called for—he would track this man as he went about his business this evening until an opening showed itself. Only then would he attack.

It wasn't the first time that Kenshin mentally thanked Hiko for the hours and hours he had forced Kenshin to learn the patience and stealth of a hunter. His own inn had been in a state of heightened security over the past week, and so was Miyabe's. So, it was with great difficulty that Kenshin finally found an opportunity to jump quietly to the roof without being seen by the men patrolling the perimeter of the inn. He flattened himself near two adjoining gables, from where he could see both the front and back gates. Then he waited. And waited. And waited. His muscles were starting to complain after more than an hour of waiting, but he dared not budge. Finally, after nearly two hours, he saw his target leave with three other men. He let them walk about a block before carefully crawling to the edge of the roof and lightly hopping over to the roof of the next building. From there he ran from roof to roof as he followed the four men. Then it was wait some more as the group went into a bar. After another forty-five minutes, the men emerged, three of them heading back to the inn and his target heading in a different direction. 

Kenshin continued to track the man, hoping he would enter a street that was empty of pedestrians, but instead the man stuck to the main thoroughfares before entering a small building at an army barracks. So, Hagiwara was a traitor after all, Kenshin thought. He didn't dare risk getting too close to the building, since it was crawling with Bakufu soldiers, so he slipped down from the roof he was on and ran down some side alleys until he was near a lone maple not far from the back of the building. He lightly jumped up into the branches and, as luck would have it, found he had a good view into the building itself through an open window. There was Hagiwara, deep in conversation with a high-ranking Bakufu soldier. They were gesticulating wildly, clearly having a heated discussion. 

Then he saw a shoji slide open and a man in shackles brought in. The man was wearing Chousu blue, and he looked half-dead. It was Furutaka; Kenshin recognized him from a gambling visit he and Yoshida had paid to Miyabe's inn long ago. Furutaka was obviously in extreme pain, but when he saw his former comrade before him, he lifted his head and spat with all his might. His jailer promptly gave him a hard chop to the back of the neck, bringing Furutaka to his knees. Kenshin's target then moved forward to kick Furutaka in the stomach, laughing as he did so. As the jailer dragged Furutaka away, his target resumed his heated discussion with the Bakufu soldier. From the gestures, it looked like the man was expecting to be paid, but when he finally left, he was empty-handed and clearly angry. 

Kenshin was about to jump down from the tree and continue following the man, but someone else beat him to it, someone in the shadows wearing white and blue. In the end, it wasn't Kenshin who delivered heaven's justice this time—it was the Shinsengumi. Kenshin watched with a kind of detached, professional curiosity as the Shinsengumi fighter efficiently beheaded the traitor. A tad slow and a bit sloppy by Kenshin's standards, perhaps, but efficient nonetheless, Kenshin noted clinically. The fighter then cocked his head to the side as if sensing something in the air. Kenshin held his breath—he had already exerted every fiber of his being to mask his considerably angry ki. The seconds ticked by, each feeling like an eternity, before the fighter finally took a last look around and then left, holding the traitor's head in his hand like a trophy.

Well! This had never happened before, a target being assassinated for him by the enemy! Kenshin wasn't sure whether to be happy or disappointed. Happy of course—one less victim to haunt him; but disappointed as well, for he had known for a long time that a part of him enjoyed the physical thrill of wielding a sword in battle. That thrill had been denied him tonight. He briefly gave thought to trying to break into the building and get Furutaka out, but the man was too badly injured to move fast enough for an escape. He therefore reluctantly left to go back to the inn. 

As he made his way back, he realized he almost felt light-hearted. His mission had been accomplished, but he had merely been a spectator. How good it felt not to take a life! By the time he got back, he realized he felt relieved by the whole chain of events, as if a burden had been taken off his shoulders. When Tomoe joined him in the washroom off the kitchen as usual, he smiled at her as if he had received the strangest gift.

"I didn't have to kill tonight!" he told her in amazement. And that, to him, was indeed a marvelous gift.

****

Japanese Terms:

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-shogunate rebels.

Kata: prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

Bakufu: name for the Shogunate government.

Ki: a person's aura.

****

Author's Notes: Ok, so I know that in the manga the scene with the shawl takes place in their room, and in the OAV it takes place in a room with books. I used the room with books, which couldn't have been his own room (why would his bedroom have a table with books, after all?), because picking up the books gives them something to do while I write what's going on in their minds. And, of course, I combined dialogue from the manga with some from the OAV. Now I can have _everybody _mad at me, not just half of you all the time! Next chapter, the exciting conclusion as all hell breaks loose in Kyoto.

Thanks yet again to my wonderful reviewers—you keep my creative juices flowing: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here, Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, Lucrecia LeVrai, Beriath, Sheik Muhammed, Arthain, Arctic Neo, Sawdust Monster, Blaze of Fire, Ariane Deralte, Archangel Rhapsody, Steffe1, Blade of Fire, CurlsofSerenity, , Xellos, Kakarlena Tsugoi, Cowgirl, Blackraven10187, Supernaturalove, and The Weird One.

****

CoConspirator's Note: First and foremost, I'd like to say this chapter doesn't have enough Saitou in it!! Yes, the Shinsengumi were in this chapter, however, where was Saitou?!! [I have failed CoConspirator!—C.] *sigh* Ah, well, I guess Junko will just have to do. ^_^ Whenever we happen to finish this, we were vaguely (very vaguely!) considering doing a send-up of certain little… things, such as the manly facial scar and so forth [speak for yourself, CoC!—C.], but that has yet to be decided. Next chapter, things are starting to wrap up (for this story, at least) as the Chousu begin to fall apart.


	15. chapter 15

An old enemy returns as Kenshin tries to deal with the increasing danger in Kyoto.

There are quotes from the manga in this chapter, all from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!); there are also quotes from the OAV. To all those who only know the OAV version of this story, please note that this chapter follows the manga version (and it's significantly different).

For the fifteenth time, I bow and scrape to Watsuki Nobuhiro, who created and owns the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. I do not bow and scrape to Sony, Jump Comics, and all the rest of the conglomerates, however; they are merely the evil empires who hold the copyrights.

****

Descent into Madness

Chapter 15

The next day dawned clear and beautiful—perfect for one of Kyoto's favorite days of the year, the Gion Festival. Already by breakfast time, the streets were teeming with people as they began to make their preparations for the festivities. Kenshin, however, had other matters on his mind, namely the fact that Furutaka was alive and might have given out information under torture. He went to find Katagai to give a report, but the commander had already left the inn. So he sought out Iizuka, who surprisingly had not been nearby the previous night, as he usually was when Kenshin was on an assignment.

"The Shinsengumi killed that traitor Hagiwara themselves?" Iizuka said in amazement when he heard Kenshin's story. "They killed their own informant?" He seemed rather upset by this turn of events, though Kenshin couldn't figure out what difference it made.

"And carried his head back like a trophy," Kenshin replied. "But Furutaka was still alive when I saw him—barely alive, but still alive."

"So," Iizuka mused as he stroked his chin, "presumably he hasn't told them anything yet…."

"Or at least not everything they wanted to know," Kenshin added. 

"Right." Iizuka said with finality. "I'm heading over to meet with the clan leaders right after breakfast. I'll tell them what you've learned. You know when to show up, right?"

"Hai," Kenshin responded. "I'll be there."

Breakfast was an unusual affair. The men were obviously primed and ready for a festival, for they openly leered, flirted, and grabbed at Yuka and Kishi as the girls tried to serve breakfast. One new man tried to grab for Tomoe as well, but a glare from Kenshin, combined with a flick at the hilt of his sword, stopped them cold. 

"You'll be going to the festival tonight," Matsuo commented to Kenshin after breakfast. Matsuo had said perhaps ten words to Kenshin since Kenshin had shown him Yoshida's letter. Another seven was a complete surprise, and about something as frivolous as a festival, no less!

"I don't know," Kenshin answered truthfully. "I really don't know anything about it."

"Take the girl," Matsuo said before walking away.

Kenshin's mind had been so preoccupied with the Furutaka situation and his upcoming meeting with Katsura that it took him several seconds to realize what Matsuo had just told him to do. He should take Tomoe to the festival? He blushed just thinking about it! 

It was such a beautiful day that Kenshin decided to leave early for his meeting. The city was definitely different today, as if it were dressing up for a party. Everywhere he looked he saw decorations—gayly painted wind socks fluttering in the breeze, little shrines springing up everywhere surrounded with flowers. As he neared the river, he could see a long line of festival carts and crowds of children surrounding them. In some of the small marketplaces, puppet theaters were springing up, and at this hour the puppeteers were practicing. He watched, fascinated, as the miniature samurai and geishas in their old-fashioned dress seemed to talk and fight with one another as if they were real. He had never seen anything like this back in the mountains with Hiko!

His destination was the safe house located in the back of a store that sold women's combs and toiletries. When he had visited there last fall, he had thought that was an unusual choice, but today he was glad of its incongruous nature—fewer chances of running into Shinsengumi, he figured. He reluctantly pulled his mind away from all the sights and sounds of the festival as he neared the shop. Time to remember that the real Kyoto was not a city of festivities—it was a city of blood. He walked into the shop and repeated the coded sentence that would identify him as an Ishin Shishi. The sales clerk smiled and led him back to the living quarters behind the store. There, in a room at the farthest end of the house, sat Katsura, Iizuka, and a man from another Chousu group.

"Himura, right on time!" Katsura said with a smile as Kenshin bowed to him. "It's been awhile since we've been able to meet. Are you doing well?"

"Yes," Kenshin said, "I'm doing them in very well."

Katsura hadn't expected this answer to his general pleasantry, and he suddenly laughed aloud at Kenshin's misinterpretation of what he meant.

"What's my assignment?" Kenshin asked as he tried to figure out what was so funny.

Katsura pulled himself together. "Well, it's not so important that I'd call it an assignment…," he said.

"Well, if it's not important, you really shouldn't call for me," Kenshin responded.

"Hey!" Iizuka sputtered.

Kenshin ignored him. "I've assassinated almost a hundred people these past six months," Kenshin continued. "No matter how we hide ourselves, the shogunate knows we're here. It isn't a good idea for me to be near the Chousu clan leaders. The Bakufu forces are growing stronger every day, especially the Shinsengumi. They could be the strongest of the Bakufu's weapons. And they have Furutaka—he may have given them information."

"I understand," Katsura said. "We'll look out for them."

"Well, about that assignment?" Iizuka prodded. 

"Well," Katsura said, "actually, tonight, during the Gion Festival, there's to be a secret council held at a certain inn. Toshiwara and Miyabe are expected to attend…"

"You need a bodyguard?" Kenshin cut in. 

"Well, no, Katagai will be with me," Katsura said. "I was just wondering if you would like to join us."

"Hey, that's great!" Iizuka said enthusiastically. "What an honor! Your name could go down in history!"

Kenshin thought seriously about the request. If the government had managed to torture information out of Furutaka, then everyone at the meeting could be in danger. On the other hand, Katagai would be with Katsura, and Katagai was no slouch as a swordsman. 

"No," Kenshin finally answered, "I decline. It's easier if a hitokiri keeps to the shadows as far as possible. And I'm not interested in history or honor. If we achieve a new age in which everyone can live in peace, that would be enough for me."

As he turned to leave, he heard Iizuka say, "It's no good. Maybe he's killed too many, but lately he's been acting strange…."

Strange? What did Iizuka consider strange, Kenshin wondered? Being a single-minded and deadly killer, or despising himself for the work he did? It didn't matter, of course—he had promised Katsura he would do this job, and that was that. At least he hadn't received any black envelopes today! He returned to the front of the store, where the clerk led him to a door that opened onto an alley. From there, he went back into the bustling marketplace. 

Now that it was close to lunchtime, vendors were everywhere hawking the most amazing delicacies he had ever seen, and children were running around in costumes. It was truly another world. He wished he could just sit and watch it all swirl around him, but he wanted to get back to the inn to help Tomoe with the water buckets. He was finding that those brief moments talking to her were the high points of his day, and he didn't want to miss it even for the festival. He arrived back just in time to help and managed to shyly tell her what he had seen. She smiled at his descriptions and said, "Have you never seen a festival before?" 

He shook his head no. 

"Perhaps you will go today, then," she said as they reached the kitchen.

Their conversation ended there as neither of them was brave enough to talk to each other with Okami, Yuka, and Kishi around to hear. Okami, however, must have read their minds.

"Himura-chan," she sang out, "you know what today is, don't you?"

"A festival, isn't it?" he answered.

"Not just _a_ festival, it's the Gion Festival!" Okami said. "Nobody's going to be eating here for dinner on a day like today, so I've given all the girls the night off."

"Oh," Kenshin said.

Okami could see that the importance of what she had just announced had not sunk in.

"Himura-chan, this is a big festival—lots of fun, lots to see and do! You and Tomoe should go enjoy it," she prompted.

"Me and Tomoe?" he repeated. "Together?" Was she suggesting what he thought she was suggesting? He blushed ten shades of red.

"Just an idea," Okami added with a sly smile.

"_We're_ going to the festival," Kishi giggled. "The men are fighting over who gets to take us."

"I don't know," Kenshin stammered. "I've never really been to a festival…." 

That did it. Okami dragged him by the arm over to where Tomoe was chopping vegetables.

"Tomoe-chan, you and Himura-chan will enjoy yourselves this evening at the festival, and that's an order!" Okami commanded. 

Now both of them were blushing ten shades of red, but an order was an order. "Hai!" they both said in unison as Yuka and Kishi started giggling again.

"It would be nice to have an evening in town," Tomoe said later as the two of them went out to the well again. "Would you mind coming with me? It's not so relaxing for a woman alone in a town full of men."

They agreed to meet close to dinnertime, after Tomoe was done helping Okami prepare her special sweet rice cakes to sell at the festival. So, while Tomoe worked in the kitchen, Kenshin spent several hours after lunch just wandering the streets and taking in the sights. When he returned before dinner, he was worn out and found himself drifting off to sleep. 

He sensed at some point in his sleep that Tomoe had come in, and he felt the gentle sensation of her shawl being placed around him. Time was that something like that would have startled him and caused him to draw his sword. No more—he was comfortable with her around, and he merely drifted back to sleep. Then, through his sleep, he heard the shoji open again and heard someone call his name. He opened an eye. It was only Iizuka.

"Hey, c'mon!" Iizuka was shouting. "It's the festival! We're gonna hit the red-light district…."  


"Shh," Tomoe was saying. "He's asleep." 

"Oh, sorry!" Iizuka said as he slowly backed out of the room. Iizuka couldn't believe it—the hair-trigger Battousai allowing himself to sleep with someone else in the room? He used to think it was a pretty good joke that this kid had a woman, but maybe it wasn't such a joke after all! He went back downstairs and was about to leave when Katagai came running up.

"Hey, Katagai, great!" Iizuka smiled as he reached out to clasp him on the shoulder. "You going to the festival? Himura's being a party-pooper…."

"This is no time for festivals!" Katagai panted. "Something terrible has happened!" He ran into the inn and bolted up the stairs, Iizuka hot on his heels. 

Now Kenshin awoke with a start. A flare of ki! Something was wrong! In the same instant that he sensed it, his shoji was flung open as Katagai rushed in, Iizuka right behind him. Suddenly Kenshin was totally alert.

"Katagai—what's happened?" Kenshin asked in a rush. "You're supposed to be guarding Katsura at that meeting!"

"The secret meeting place—the Ikedaya—it's been raided by the Shinsengumi!" Katagai blurted out.

"What?!" Kenshin and Iizuka said together.

"So, information _is_ getting out!" Iizuka muttered under his breath.

"What about Katsura? Did they get him?" Kenshin asked as he grabbed for the sword lying next to him.

"No, it was too soon for him to reach the Ikedaya," Katagai answered quickly. "The head of Tsushima was acting in his place, and then because he was taking a nap, he narrowly avoided the disaster as well, but Miyabe and the others—they're all dead!"

Kenshin was up in a flash and started for the door, but Iizuka held him back.

"What, are you crazy?" Iizuka shouted. "There are three thousand Bakufu soldiers in this town! You won't accomplish anything by fighting now—it'd only make things worse for Chousu!"

"Iizuka's right," Katagai added as he caught his breath. "Listen to me. Katsura's safe. As soon as we heard what happened, we sent him off to the waystation in the mountains for safety. He's the man they really want! I'll explain everything later, but all you need to know right now is that all Chousu men are in danger, and we've got to get everyone out of here and up to the mountains right away! Anyone who's here right now, they pack up everything and leave tonight. Anyone who's already out celebrating, we grab their blue gi's and stick them in the rice sacks, like we did last fall, in case the Bakufu sweep this neighborhood tonight. The men will have to make their way to the mountains tomorrow. No Chousu colors, or they'll put you to death! 

"Himura," he continued, "you'll stay here with Okami to protect her. Her claim that the Shogun's top aide stayed here ten years ago isn't going to do her much good anymore—she'll need protection. Iizuka, you move to the safe house down by the warehouses. It's as close to the Imperial district as we can get, and we'll need you to keep an eye on troop movements and the like. I'm joining Katsura in the mountains for the time being. We've got to get a message to Chousu before the hotheads in Hagi do something we'll all regret. We'll contact you via messages to your safe house, then you can convey them to Himura. Now, get going! I've got to explain all this to Okami!" 

Tomoe just stared. It was all so sudden. She stood as if frozen to the spot.

"Go down and help Okami!" Kenshin yelled as he saw her standing there. He pushed her to the door. "Just stay with her for now!" Then he left to do what Katagai had ordered him to do.

As it turned out, only three men had already left for the festivities, so while Iizuka rounded up the others and told them to pack, Kenshin grabbed an empty rice sack and started stuffing blue gi's into it, including his own new one. 

He returned to the kitchen to find Yuka and Kishi off in a corner crying and Tomoe holding Okami's hand. Okami herself was in tears as Katagai explained what had happened and what needed to be done now. 

"Is this the end for the Ishin Shishi?" she cried out. "And how will I survive without any paying customers?"

"We know some people who need a place to stay," Yuka said through her sobs.

"I will not turn this inn into a brothel!" Okami shouted. Then, at Yuka's hurt expression, she said softly, "I'm sorry, dear—that was unkind of me," and she hugged the crying girl.

"I've been authorized to give you this," Katagai said as he handed her a packet of money. "It should cover your expenses for a few weeks. We expect to be back by then—that's all I can say."

Okami took the packet but kept shaking her head sorrowfully. "It's such a tragedy, such a tragedy…." 

Katagai now took Kenshin by the arm and led him out into the courtyard.

"I'm leaving Matsuo here with you," Katagai said when he was sure they could not be overheard. "He volunteered to stay—said something about owing it to Yoshida, whatever that means. We can't have this place unprotected whenever you're out, and he's a good swordsman. You'll work things out with him." 

Now he held out a whole fan of black envelopes. Kenshin took them—ten in all.

"Himura, it's up to you now," he continued. "I don't have to tell you how serious a blow this has been to the Ishin Shishi. We've worked long and hard for the reforms we've gotten. It's only in the last few months that we've been able to force the shogun to put outlying daimyos into the ruling council, and we were just on the verge of opening up the decision-making processes even further. If we don't keep their feet to the fire now, the shogun's liable to scrap everything."

Pointing to the envelopes, Katagai said, "These are the men who have been urging the shogun to resist all reform. Their power will only grow, now that they've learned what was being discussed at Ikedaya. Damn those hotheads! Killing off the chief prosecutor is one thing, but trying to burn Kyoto and kidnap the emperor? What were they thinking!"

"Kidnap the emperor…?" Kenshin repeated in shock.

Katagai shook his head in disgust. "One faction of the Chousu wanted to set diversionary fires around the city so they could kidnap the emperor and spirit him away to Hagi. Then they planned to declare total imperial rule. Katsura's been trying for weeks to convince them not to do it, and the argument got rather heated. That's why he needed a bodyguard for a meeting with his own leaders. The worst thing is, we don't know who tipped off the Shinsengumi. It couldn't have been Furutaka—he didn't know the location."

Katagai stopped for a moment, then said, "Listen, Himura, we no longer have our spies in the government. One was found out and killed two weeks ago, and the others are getting out of town as fast as they can, so those envelopes won't tell you when or where to find your targets. All they can tell you is what your targets look like, where they work, where they live. You'll have to figure out the rest yourself. We're counting on you. It's all up to you now."

Kenshin stared at the ten envelopes in his hand. A coldness took hold of him, the coldness of a hitokiri. Katagai could feel it, and when Kenshin looked up, Katagai could see it, for Kenshin's eyes shone with the amber glare that promised only one thing—death.

"It will be done," Kenshin said.

Katagai gathered up the rest of the men and left the inn, blending in with the crowds still celebrating the festival, but Kenshin stayed out in the courtyard, thinking. Katsura had told him last fall that all war was a gamble, and now it looked like Katsura had lost. He looked down at the ten black envelopes in his hand and shuddered. Ten men marked for death, and he knew he would kill them all, no matter how long it took. It had only been in the last few weeks that a tiny spark of hope had somehow sprung back to life within him; it was Tomoe, he realized, who had managed to rekindle it. Now it seemed that the gods were determined to crush that spark. 

The coldness followed him as he walked back toward the kitchen. As he neared the door, he could hear Okami making plans—Matsuo would pretend to be her brother-in-law visiting from the countryside, and Tomoe would pretend to be his niece; she was to move into a room of her own next to Matsuo. Oh great, Kenshin thought, now he would be alone in his room, on top of everything else. A few weeks ago he might have been happy at the prospect of Tomoe moving out, but not now—now she had become part of the fabric of his life. He walked straight through the kitchen without saying a word, the coldness trailing after him like a dangerous cloud.

The next few weeks were tense for everyone. The day after the Ikedaya massacre, the Shinsengumi made a show of marching in their still-bloody gi's through every neighborhood with Ishin Shishi sympathies. Kenshin had been at the marketplace when they came through, and although he tried to fade into the back of the crowd, one of the squad leaders—a tall, thin man with evil eyes—seemed to lock his glare on him. And it was the Shinsengumi, not soldiers this time, that the Bakufu sent to search every inn for signs of Chousu rebels. Kenshin happened to be out stalking one of his targets at the time, and when he returned, it was to an inn full of broken pottery, overturned cabinets, and ripped futons. The Shinsengumi appeared to be angry at finding nothing, according to Matsuo. 

And so June dragged by for Kenshin with only an occasional contact with Iizuka to report that he had killed one target or another, or to receive a message sent along from Katsura about the status of things in Chousu. Then, at the beginning of July, came the message they had all been waiting for—news that the Chousu would return to force the hand of the Shogunate. The message came with the welcome return of a traveler in disguise—Katagai, dressed as a prosperous tea merchant. Okami practically hugged the man when she saw who it was. 

"Gods preserve us!" she cried out. "A more welcome face I can't even imagine! Himura-chan, Matsuo-san, come down right away!"

Katagai shushed her, then led her, Kenshin, and Matsuo to the private room off the kitchen. 

"I'm a tea merchant you've never met before, remember?" he said to Okami with a smile, but he was serious—it was still dangerous for someone as well-known as him to be in Kyoto. "And my name's Enzo Hidetoki for the time being. Katsura's been down to Chousu. The place is in an uproar over the killings at Ikedaya, and they're planning to send three thousand men up here to storm the Imperial Palace. Katsura's tried to talk some sense into the daimyo, but Mori's advisors won't listen. We've got control over about a thousand of those men—they'll listen to Katsura and follow his commands, but the other two thousand? We don't know. Meanwhile, our men who have been with us in the mountains will be returning to the inn two or three at a time. They'll all be pretending to be travelers. We're expecting Shinzu and his men from Edo as well, so you might as well double everyone up from the beginning. Katsura should be arriving in town shortly, and I believe he will be staying here."

The smile of joy on Okami's face was overwhelming. 

"Katagai-san, this is the best news I've heard in weeks!" she gushed. "We'll be ready!"

After Okami and Matsuo left the room, Katagai turned to Kenshin and said, "Iizuka's kept us up to date on your progress. Our one ray of hope in all of this is that the new advisors the shogun's had to appoint to replace the ones you've killed are more open to reform than their predecessors. Even Satsuma seems willing to bury the hatchet now and join with Chousu in pushing reforms. You have been indispensible." 

Kenshin showed no reaction to this news other than a nod. It had been a long and difficult few weeks, and he felt numb. Despite Kenshin's impassive face, Katagai could sense how he felt. Still, when he reached out to clasp Kenshin on the shoulders, he was surprised at the tenseness of Kenshin's body.

"Himura," he said, "this has been a difficult time for all of us. The next few weeks will be the most difficult yet. Only the gods know what the outcome will be of our struggle against the Bakufu, but I am convinced of the rightness of our cause, and I am convinced that in the end, we will prevail." 

"Hai," was all that Kenshin said in response.

That evening, Tomoe moved back into Kenshin's room. It had been nearly three weeks since she had shared it with him. Kenshin had been so busy that he was rarely at the inn except to sleep, and although she met him in the washroom off the kitchen every night as usual, she could feel him withdraw into himself. Even now, as she moved her things back into the room, he hardly looked at her. It was as if they had never shared a kind word before, and it scared her. For Kenshin, however, the return of Tomoe to his room was like a dagger to his heart—a reminder of that fragile spark of hope he once had that had been crushed. He looked at her and felt like a drowning person whose lifeboat was just beyond his reach. The silence between them became unbearable.

"I've had to work a lot," he finally said.

"Yes, I know," she replied.

"It's been very difficult," he said.

"I know," she responded. "I've seen you every night when you've come back, remember?"

"And yet you've stayed."

"I have nowhere else to go," she said, "and you still need a sheath."

A sheath—she _was_ his sheath, he realized, even in this darkest of times. His tension lessened.

"Thank you," he said softly. He was rewarded with a gentle smile.

Over the next week, men came dribbling back to the inn, all dressed as peasants or merchants, until the inn was nearly full. Katsura returned as well, dressed as the poorest peasant traveler anyone had ever seen. Okami had to restrain herself from sending up welcome flares at his arrival. Finally, Shinzu and his men from Edo arrived just before the middle of the month. With his arrival, Katsura called a meeting to plan for what was to come.

"The news from Chousu, as you know, is not good," Katsura began. "When news of the Ikedaya incident reached Hagi, the province erupted. The daimyo's advisors are calling for revenge, but you all know I do not share that view. Thousands of men massing before the gates of the Imperial Palace, ready to die for their beliefs—that's what's called for, not revenge! What good will it do our cause to storm into Kyoto and burn down the city? What good will it do our cause to kidnap the emperor and take him to Hagi? Three thousand men are already on their way here ready to do just that. I can command the allegiance of only a thousand of them. It will be up to us, the thousand, to hold back the others before they destroy what little credibility Chousu has left at the Imperial Court. We have about a hundred fighters already in Kyoto, including you. As soon as we receive word that the Chousu forces are nearing the city, you will attack the guards at the Imperial Palace gates and hold the palace. I already have riders out with orders to those forces loyal to me. At all costs, we must prevent the radicals from setting fire to the city!"

"You've lost your nerve."

Heads shot around to see who had uttered those words. It was Shinzu.

"We need to take bold action, something that will force the Bakufu to realize we're serious," Shinzu said with barely concealed contempt, "and I, for one, plan to join in that action."

A deadly silence descended on the room as Katsura's eyes bored into Shinzu's.

"You will follow my orders," Katsura said in low, dangerous tones. "I am your commander, not the other way around. The penalty for disobeying orders is death."

The two men continued to stare at each other for nearly a minute. It was Shinzu who finally looked away. Then he stormed out. His men from Edo looked at each other, wondering what to do. Yoshida's old buddies Sato and Tanaka, who had been with Shinzu ever since his departure for Edo, got up and moved over near Katsura, as did most of the Edo contingent who had originally hailed from Okami's inn. The rest of the Edo group followed Shinzu out of the room. Katsura stared after them angrily before walking out himself, motioning to Katagai and Kenshin to follow him. As they left, they could hear the room erupt over what had just happened. 

"Now I'll tell you the real news," Katsura told Kenshin and Katagai as he closed the shoji to Okami's private room off the kitchen. "That alliance we worked so hard to achieve with Satsuma this spring? It's over. Once they got wind of the troop movement towards Kyoto, they joined up with Aizu to protect the emperor—that's nearly 20,000 men that'll be facing our 3,000. It'll be a slaughter. I've been trying to meet with Saigo Takamori ever since word got out about the troops—he won't see me. And now we've got an insurrection on our hands right here!"

"I warned you about that young whelp—told you he'd be nothing but trouble," Katagai growled. 

"But I couldn't risk offending Shinzu's family—too much power with the Mori's!" Katsura shot back. "Katagai, you'll be commanding the Kyoto troops attacking the palace guards, but you need to stick like glue to that damned Shinzu. I meant what I said—disobedience means death!"

Then Katsura turned to Kenshin. "Himura," he said, "there is only one way our handful of men will have any hope of securing the palace—we need you to arrive ahead of us and kill as many guards as possible as quietly as possible. Then find Katagai for further orders. For now, though, all we can do is wait."

It was not a long wait. The following day, a rider pulled up at the inn with news that the Chousu forces were within five miles of the city and were trying to battle their way through the Bakufu lines. They expected at least half the forces to arrive at the palace by nightfall. The men now lined up to retrieve their blue Chousu gi's from their hiding places in Okami's rice sacks before heading out to secure the Imperial Palace. Kenshin decided to wear his old blue gi, rather than the new one, just for good luck.

Katagai massed his men in the warehouse district near the Imperial Palace and waited until he could see the torches of the troops in the distance and hear the cries of the battle. Then, and only then, did he send Kenshin ahead.

"I'll give you twenty minutes, no more," Katagai told him. "Then we go for the western gate."

As Kenshin approached the palace, he was not surprised to find that there was triple the usual number of guards, but the rear-most guard post, as usual, still had the fewest men, only ten. He didn't want them to alert the other guard posts with the sounds of fighting, so he decided to attract a guard or two by throwing a handful of pebbles in their direction. When two guards walked over to see what was going on, he silently killed them both in one swift stroke. When those guards didn't return, another guard wandered over to see what was up; he, too, was dispatched with a swift slash to the neck. The other seven guards now sensed that something was wrong, and when one came over and found the bodies, Kenshin killed him as well. Now he flipped forward at lightening speed towards the other guards, felling three with lightening-quick blows to their necks. Then he turned and with a circular motion sliced through the remaining three guards. His speed was such that none of the men even had time to utter a battle cry.

Now he went to the next guard post, but he saw a messenger run up and start gesturing in the direction of the Chousu under Katagai's command. In a split second, he knew what he had to do. Running with godlike speed, he approached the guard post and hit his sword into the ground, unleashing a furious Do Ryu Sen. The guards stood in stunned silence as the earth opened up and swallowed them, killing them with the force of the debris falling upon them. Now the warning cries went up at all the other guard posts, but it was too late. Katagai and his men had already started attacking the western gate, and the battle between the Chousu and the massed Bakufu forces had reached the palace as well. Kenshin ran as fast as he could to join Katagai.

Kenshin had never been in actual combat before, and he found it taxed all his senses in a way that being a hitokiri never had. Gone was the element of surprise, the relative ease of killing someone who was unprepared for battle. Instead, it seemed as if wave upon wave of men descended on him, all intent on killing him. It was obvious that the Chousu were horribly outnumbered, and as he fought, he could see his comrades being injured or killed all around him. Even he himself did not remained untouched, for although he killed more than a dozen men within minutes, it was impossible to avoid every slash of every sword. His injuries, however, remained slight—a small slice on his arm, a gash across his shoulder, nothing he couldn't handle. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Katagai called out. "Retreat, men, retreat!"

Kenshin turned to follow his command as did all the other men, with one exception—Shinzu. Instead, Shinzu grabbed a lit torch from one of his men, yelling, "Torches, men, torches! Follow me!"

In an instant, Katagai whipped around and lunged in front of Shinzu, blocking his way. Sword held aggressively, Katagai yelled, "Put that down, Shinzu, or I'll kill you!" 

"You fool!" Shinzu shouted back. "Don't you know that the other squads will be setting fires, too? Out of my way!" 

He tried to sprint around Katagai, but Katagai was too fast. Katagai was a man built for strength, not speed, but even before Shinzu could move two steps, Katagai had cut him in half. Shinzu, however, had turned just in time to see the blade flying at him. It gave him no time to draw his own sword, but it was enough for him to hurl his lit torch into the open doorway of a nearby building. As he fell from Katagai's attack, the building went up in flames.

"Katagai!" Kenshin shouted as he moved to prevent any other torch-bearers from starting more fires.

Kyoto hadn't seen any rain for weeks, and everything was tinder-dry. Within seconds, the evening breeze had fanned the fire to the neighboring buildings; within minutes, the entire Imperial District west of the palace was in flames.

"Stop those fires!" Katagai now yelled at his troops. Then, pulling Kenshin aside, he said quickly, "Himura, you're our fastest runner. Get back to the inn and tell Okami to get out—we'll never be able to contain this! Then, tomorrow, get yourself to the first bridge over the river at the outskirts of town. Katsura will find you there. He says it's urgent you meet him. Now, go!"

Kenshin took off, fighting his way past the battle until he reached the empty streets, the flames racing right behind him and the smoke burning his lungs. It took only ten minutes to make the twenty-minute trip, and when he finally reached the inn, he collapsed against the doorframe, panting for breath.

"Kenshin-san!" Tomoe cried as she saw him collapse. "You've been hurt! Kishi, Yuka—quick! Get some water for him to drink!"

'Kenshin,' he heard her call him—Kenshin, not Himura! And was he hurt? He looked down at himself and saw that he was covered with dirt, soot, and blood.

"I'm fine," he panted, "I'm fine…."

Now Okami came running out with the girls. "Himura-chan! Thank goodness you're alive!" she shouted.

"Okami-san," Kenshin panted, now trying to stand. "The fire—we can't stop it. It's coming fast. You must get out!" He gratefully took the cup of water from Kishi and drank it greedily.

"Yes, we know," Okami said quickly. "We saw the smoke, and I knew immediately what had happened. We went and warned Hideko, the stablemaster, and he's already sent a wagon around to gather up my pots and knives and things. We're just getting together our personal items…."

At that, Kenshin bolted upright and grabbed Tomoe's hand as he ran for the stairs. When they reached their room, he grabbed her blue shawl and spread it out on the floor. She immediately slipped her black book and tanto into her obi and put the rest of her belongings on the shawl. Kenshin, meanwhile, placed his few belongings in the pile as well and, throwing modesty to the wind, quickly stripped off his bloody gi to change into the old green one. He was glad he hadn't worn the new blue gi today—he was sure he would need it in the future. He placed it, too, on the pile. Then he tied up the bundle and handed it to Tomoe.

"Quick, we've got to get out!" he shouted as he headed back down the stairs. 

Now he grabbed several of Okami's bundles and hustled her, Tomoe, Yuka, and Kishi out the door. Flames could be seen a few blocks away as they joined a river of people making their way to the relative safety of the outskirts of the city. They slept under the stars that night, or would have if the thick smoke from the fires hadn't obscured them from view.

When he awoke the next morning, Kenshin was sore, and his injured arm and shoulder were burning with pain. As the others slowly awoke, he gingerly pushed back the sleeve and neck of his gi to look at his injuries. The dried blood and dirt made them look worse than they really were, he decided, but Okami didn't seem to agree.

"Himura-chan!" Okami gasped as she saw his arm. "You were injured last night! Why didn't you say anything!"

"It's nothing, really," Kenshin said, but Okami started rooting around in her things anyway as she muttered something about not having proper bandages or medicine. 

It was Kishi who solved part of the problem by handing Okami an extra cloth she used to bind her chest. "I have plenty of others," she said.

Okami took the cloth and dipped it into some sake she had brought along. "A good disinfectant," she said when Kenshin tried to protest. Then she proceeded to clean his wounds and bandage them. It did feel better, he had to admit, and he told her so. Then they ate some of the food Okami had brought with her while they looked glumly at the smoldering ruins of the city.

"What will you do now, Okami-san?" Tomoe asked.

"Oh, don't you worry about me!" Okami answered feistily. "I'll rebuild, just like we did after the earthquake a few years ago. You come back in six months and see!"

After breakfast, Kenshin decided to head for the river to find Katsura. When Tomoe asked to come with him, he saw no reason to say no, so the two set off together. As they walked towards the river, the sea of people seemed to thin out until, by the time they came to the river, there were very few indeed. The fire must not have spread this far south, he guessed. Then they came to the first bridge over the river. He looked around expecting to see Katsura, but he wasn't there, so he and Tomoe stood on the bridge and waited.

"Where will you go now?" Tomoe asked as they leaned over the rail and watched the water flowing by.

"I don't know," Kenshin answered. "I guess I'll find out when I meet Katsura." 

They stood in silence for awhile. Then Kenshin said, "You know, that meeting at Ikedaya was to plan to set fire to the city and capture the emperor. Katsura was the only one who opposed the idea. Katsura was also the only one to survive the attack. Katagai says it's by Heaven's decree."

"But look at us now." 

It was Katsura's voice! Kenshin was startled, for he hadn't sensed Katsura's ki in advance. He looked in the direction of the voice and found Katsura huddled under the bridge, a huge hat hiding his face.

"Kyoto's Chousu faction is destroyed," Katsura said grimly, "and we're being pursued as enemies of the emperor. In Hagi, the conservatives are gaining power. I've got to stay in hiding for awhile—I can't go back to Hagi, but if I stay here, I'll be caught."

"What should we do?" Kenshin asked. "The inn has burned to the ground…."

"That's why I wanted to meet with you," Katsura continued. "It's not safe for you to stay here, either. So, we've arranged a safe house for you near Otsu. You can hide there; I'll contact you through Iizuka. And Tomoe?"

"Yes?" she said.

"If you have nowhere to go, you could live there with Himura," Katsura continued. "A young couple would avoid suspicion more easily than a young man alone. Of course, it would just be for show. Look after him, will you?" And with that, Katsura walked away.

Kenshin and Tomoe looked at each other in astonishment, then watched Katsura disappear into the distance. 

"What should we do?" Tomoe asked as they started walking back. "I really don't have a place to go, but…."

"It's not as though you have nowhere," Kenshin said. "You could stay with Okami, or if you need money for traveling, I'm sure that could be arranged." 

They walked a little farther in silence. Then he said, "I guess it's not fair of me to leave it all up to you. Why don't we live together. I don't know how long it'll last, and it doesn't have to be for show…." He turned to her and said, "Together—till death do us part?"

Tomoe smiled and nodded her head. "Hai," she said.

Now they quickly made their way back to Okami, gathered their things, and said a quick farewell. He couldn't believe it—they were going to leave Kyoto! He was going to be able to leave the killing fields behind! Were the gods toying with him again, or were they actually giving him the chance to find some peace? He could only hope. He grasped Tomoe's hand and, without even a backward glance, they started heading for the long road to Otsu.

****

The End

______________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Gion Festival: the most popular festival of the year in Kyoto.

Bakufu: the shogunate government.

Ki: a person's 'aura.'

Hagi: capital of Chousu province.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-shogunate rebels.

Daimyo: feudal lord.

Mori: Mori Motonori was the daimyo of Chousu province.

Satsuma: a southern province that shared a border with Chousu. It was also very anti-shogunate, but it had a long history of bitter rivalries with Chousu.

Aizu: one of the staunchest pro-shogunate provinces.

Saigo Takamori: leader of the Satsuma rebels. He, along with Katsura Kogoro and Okubo Toshimishi (also of Satsuma), were the prime leaders of the rebellion against the shogunate government.

Tanto: small dagger.

Author's Note: For those of you who only know the OAV and not the manga, an explanation about the events in this chapter. In the OAV, Katsura sends Kenshin and Tomoe off to Otsu right after the Ikedaya incident in June 1864, but that ignores history. The manga does not ignore history—in a few lines of text, it notes that the Ikedaya incident caused Chousu to send 3,000 troops to Kyoto in July to try to capture the palace and kidnap the emperor, and that they were met by 20,000 Bakufu soldiers. It was after the July attack that the Chousu were expelled from Kyoto, and in the manga, that's when Katsura sends Kenshin and Tomoe off to the countryside. The manga covers all this history in a couple of sentences but doesn't show what Kenshin or the Chousu were doing in between Ikedaya and the July attack (called Kinmon no hen). So, I've filled in the gap. Is it cruel of me to send Kenshin off to Otsu with hope in his heart? Only if we forget that he can't possibly know what fate has in store for him!

CoConspirator has convinced me once again that I should write an epilogue, which I have done and will post next week. See you then!

As always, many, many thanks to all our reviewers: Colleen, Imbrium Iridum, Wickedtigerlily, Calger 459, Haku Baiku, Akai Kitsune, Clarus, Amamiya, Inuyashalover03, AC, Aishuu Shadowwish, Korie Himura, Shadowfyre, Mayorie Icegirl, Mireiyu, Illustrious Sorrow, Jovian Angel, Selim the Worm, Angelhitomi, Corran Nackatori, Queen of Shadows, Insert Catchy Name Here, Tracey Claybon, Youkai-Onna, Shinta, Jedi-Iwakura, Neko Oni, Luna-Sarita, Stizzo, Lucrecia LeVrai, Beriath, Sheik Muhammed, Arthain, Arctic Neo, Sawdust Monster, Blaze of Fire, Ariane Deralte, Archangel Rhapsody, Steffe1, Blade of Fire, CurlsofSerenity, , Xellos, Kakarlena Tsugoi, Cowgirl, Blackraven10187, Supernaturalove,The Weird One, Shimizu Hitomi, Electrifying Echoes, Mage of Swords, Dragona, and Icebluedragon.

****

CoConspirator's Note: Well, CoConspirator is buried deep within the new Harry Potter novel. If she ever comes up for air, I'll post her comments. I know she wishes I had put more of Saitou into this chapter than just a quick glimpse, but hey—let her write her own Saitou fic!! 


	16. epilogue

It's been five months since Kenshin and Tomoe escaped the chaos of Kyoto for the safety of Otsu, but Kenshin has found they can't escape the war.

There are quotes from the manga in this chapter, all from the wonderful translations of Maigo-chan (all hail Maigo-chan!); there are also quotes from the OAV. To all those who only know the OAV version of this story and not the manga, please note that this epilogue follows the manga version, and that is significantly different from what happens in the OAV (but you'll love my story anyway, I hope!).

For the final time I bow and scrape to our hero, Watsuki Nobuhiro, who created and owns the wonderful characters of Rurouni Kenshin. I do _not_ bow and scrape to Sony, though I will to Jump Comics (for being smart enough to publish RK!); they hold the copyrights (and I, needless to say, don't make a dime off this story!).

****

Descent into Madness

Epilogue

Yoshida had been on the road for two days, and he was dog-tired. There wasn't much that could convince him to leave his new wife Eiko on short notice and travel through the cold and snow, but the message he received two mornings ago by carrier pigeon had done it. It was short and to the point:

"Himura attacked, gravely wounded; wife dead. Go to Otsu, find him. Will meet you when traitor dealt with.—Katsura."

Yoshida knew, of course, all about what had been going on with his young friend Himura. The two had exchanged a few letters over the past year, ever since Yoshida had become head of the Ishin Shishi waystation in the mountains. It was the job he had taken after his own grievous battle injury the previous winter, when it became clear he could not return to Kyoto as a fighter. As various men passed through on their way from Kyoto to Chousu, they would, of course, give Yoshida all the news. 

That was how he had heard about the woman Kenshin brought back to the inn, and when he heard that the two seemed to take a liking to each other, he had let out a sigh of relief. Kenshin was only a boy, after all, but he had been saddled with a job that had made grown men go insane. So, it had been comforting to know that someone was there now to keep that from happening. And when he heard that Katsura had sent the two into hiding together, he knew that with luck, Kenshin might find the same kind of happiness he had found with Eiko.

Then had come the news. An attack on Himura? Himura gravely wounded? He couldn't imagine any human fast enough to touch Kenshin, let alone gravely injure him. And Himura's wife dead? What had happened? His own wife knew all about Kenshin, of course—well, not quite all about him, for Yoshida never would divulge even to her that his friend was the feared Hitokiri Battousai. When the message came, she immediately set up a small memorial shrine for the wife of her husband's friend. Eiko's father, the village doctor, even lent Yoshida his fastest horse and put together a satchel full of medicines and salves to take, along with detailed instructions on how to use each one. 

Luckily, winter hadn't been too harsh up in the mountains and the passes were still open, so Yoshida had managed to make it down to the valley without much trouble. Now that he was nearing Lake Biwa and the Otsu vicinity, however, the snow was getting very deep. He had lived near Lake Biwa shortly before joining the Ishin Shishi in Kyoto, and he remembered the short but fierce snow squalls that would dump inches and inches of snow in a matter of hours, only to melt away in a day or two. That, he guessed, was what must have happened here, and he and his horse were not happy about it. 

It was nearly nightfall of the second day by the time he finally reached the town. He took out the little map Katsura had drawn on the back of the note and followed it to a tiny farmhouse several miles out in the countryside. A flag warning of the dead fluttered from the gatepost; a small box of salt to prevent defilement by contact with the dead sat nearby. He flicked some salt over his shoulder, rang the small bell at the gate to alert the house of his presence, and went up the path, fearing what he might find. A farmer met him at the door, clearly relieved to see someone not from the village.

"You come for the boy?" the farmer asked gruffly after the customary bow.

"Yes," Yoshida answered. "Is he…."

"He's still breathing, if that's what you want to know," the farmer interrupted. He was clearly antsy, anxious to be away from this place.

Yoshida walked in and caught his breath. There was Kenshin lying on a futon, pale as death but clearly racked with fever. He raced over and felt Kenshin's forehead, which was covered in sweat. Then he lifted the blanket and gasped when he saw the dirty and bloody bandages covering his body.

"What happened to him?" Yoshida practically shouted. "Didn't you get a doctor to help?"

"No doctor for miles around here," the farmer replied testily. "It's an old man down in Otsu—wouldn't come out in the snow. This boy here, he's the medicine seller—closest thing we have to a doctor." He shrugged as if to say that explained everything.

Yoshida pushed past the man as he ran out to his horse to gather up the satchel of medicines and bandages, then dragged the man over to Kenshin's bed to help change the dressings. The farmer looked desperate to get away.

"What's your problem, man?" Yoshida yelled. "He'll die if we don't do something quick!"

The farmer shuddered, then shrank back. "Kenkaku-sama, we're simple folk here. He might die, then I'd be tainted twice, and…."

Now Yoshida understood. The warning flag, the salt—these people were more Shinto than Buddhist. The man presumably felt defiled already from having dealt with the body of Kenshin's dead wife and would be forbidden contact with his family for at least a week. If Kenshin were to die, especially while the man was touching him, it would be for even longer.

"I'm sorry," Yoshida said quietly. "I didn't realize. His wife…?"

"Out back," the farmer said, clearly relieved to see that the stranger understood his predicament. "I wrapped her up and packed her in snow. I'm the one who found them."

"Found them? Where were they?" Yoshida asked as he started cutting off the first bloody bandage. He was relieved to see there was no infection.

"It was three days ago," the farmer explained as he moved farther away from Kenshin. "It was snowing real heavy, and it was real quiet, like it gets when it snows heavy, but then we heard this kind of explosion. My wife and I, we didn't know what to think, but it was close by. Then we heard a second explosion. When the snow let up some, I went out to see what happened. I found footprints, then lots of blood, like some kind of fight happened, and a bit further on I found the medicine seller here with his wife in the snow. She was dead—huge gash down her front. He was all bloody, too, with horrible wounds all over. I think he was trying to carry her back here. I followed the trail of blood a bit further—looked like they went to that little shrine out in the forest. Buckets of blood there, just buckets! And a dead soldier. Why they went there in a heavy snowstorm I don't know. Maybe that soldier was some deserter or bandit or something. Looks to me like they was attacked. Didn't care much about the soldier, I left him there, but these two—they was our neighbors! So I ran and got some friends to help bring them back to the house here. I carried the woman back 'cause I was already tainted, see, so I ended up staying here with him, in case he died, too…."

Kenshin was stirring, tossing and turning his head and crying out. Yoshida fished around in his satchel until he found a small bottle of sake. He managed to get some down Kenshin's throat, which seemed to settle him somewhat.

"So how did you know where to find us?" Yoshida managed to ask as he put a cold compress on Kenshin's forehead.

"Well, we didn't know what to do, really," the farmer said. "They was real quiet-like, no family around here or nothing, so we went to the owner of the house, down in Otsu—nice fellow. He said he'd take care of it, and now you showed up!" The farmer smiled broadly at that.

Now Yoshida understood what happened. Katsura had said something about a traitor in his note; this soldier must have been sent to kill Kenshin. But why was the woman there with him? The fact that this was an Ishin Shishi safe house meant the landlord in Otsu was Ishin Shishi as well and knew to contact Katsura. And Katsura knew about Yoshida's friendship with Kenshin because Yoshida had asked him to carry a letter to Kenshin the previous year. Yes, he was glad Katsura had thought to send him on this trip.

As he finished changing Kenshin's bandages, Yoshida said, "Tokunouka-san, I can never repay you for the kindness you have shown in taking care of my…brother…and his wife." 

The man beamed. 

"I'm sure he would have died without you, and for you to be so thoughtful about taking care of his wife's body…" —Yoshida had to struggle to maintain his composure. "If there is anything I can do in return…."

"No, no," the man said, "it was what had to be done. They was good folk, kind to us, and our children enjoyed coming here to play…."

"Play?"

"Seems your brother there taught them games—hide and seek in the woods, dueling tops, that kind of thing—they thought he was the best," he said. "Wife didn't talk much, they say, but she gave them treats." He looked wistfully at Kenshin, then at the yard. "Ain't got no priests around here for rites, 'ya know."

"That's okay, someone will be joining me here shortly," Yoshida said. "Why don't you go on home now, get the defilement period over with as quick as possible."

The man bowed low, obviously relieved to be sent on his way. "I'll have the wife leave some food for you at the gate every day," the farmer said as he backed out the doorway. "She'll ring the bell so you'll know it's there." Then, with another flurry of deep bows, he was gone.

Now Yoshida had a chance to assess Kenshin's condition. It was clear he had lost a lot of blood just from the two deep wounds to each shoulder. One of them looked like it had been made by an animal's claws, but the farmer hadn't mentioned anything about animals. There was also a severe gash on his neck, not to mention dried blood in his ear canals and a black eye. His stomach and abdomen, although not wounded externally, showed signs of severe bruising, and when he pushed there, Kenshin cried out in pain.

Then there was the new gash on his left cheek, joining an older gash he had heard about last spring. It had been the talk of all the men passing through the waystation that someone had actually been able to touch the Hitokiri Battousai with a sword, though Kenshin himself never mentioned it in a letter. How odd that this new cut crossed exactly over the older one, almost like a perfect 'X.' No matter—it wasn't a life-threatening injury. He guessed that if it hadn't been for the cold and the snow where he fell, Kenshin probably would have bled to death from his other, more serious wounds. As it was, the snow had probably helped ward off infection, for surprisingly, the wounds seemed fairly clean. He concluded that the fever was probably due to the loss of blood and that Kenshin would most likely recover. 

If only he could keep him calm! but Kenshin seemed to be delirious. The little bit of sake he had managed to get down Kenshin's throat hadn't lasted long, and now Kenshin was once again thrashing and crying out. His nightmares, it seemed, were as bad as ever. Yoshida rummaged once again in the satchel until he found something marked "sedative." He mixed it up with water and sent it down Kenshin's throat, then held him down until it took effect. Only then did Yoshida dare to look out in the yard.

The body was behind the house, in a mound the farmer had constructed from the snow. Being a soldier, he had, of course, seen many dead bodies in his day, but still he instinctively recoiled at the idea of viewing this corpse. He had no idea what Kenshin's wife looked like, had no idea what to be prepared for, so that when he did look, it took his breath away. She was beautiful, with small, delicate features. Considering how she died, she seemed to have a peaceful, even contented look on her face, which surprised him. The blow that had killed her was deep—it must have severed her aorta, he concluded—and it had been no accident. That was a blow meant to kill. But what of those explosions? And considering Kenshin's godlike prowess with a sword, how could just one man, or even several men, for that matter, have done this? Only Kenshin could answer that, he figured, so he'd just have to wait.

He went back inside and now looked around the small house. There was a good store of vegetables and cured meat put away to tide the couple through the winter, Kenshin's chest of medicines to sell, an extra set of clothing for him and, in a small box, his Chousu-blue gi and gray hakama. There was also a small, neatly folded pile of her belongings. Her—Yoshida realized he didn't even know her name. A futon lay untouched from when its occupant had gotten up that fateful morning, and nearby was a small black book that had apparently been thrown hastily to the floor. He glanced at it, saw that it was some kind of diary, and then put it on the little writing desk in the corner. It was all so sad. It made him long for the company of his Eiko. 

After bedding his horse down for the night, Yoshida went back to the house to see what he could possibly make that Kenshin could eat in his weakened state. As luck would have it, the farmer had left some tofu. Perfect! He took the tofu and some soy sauce and started grinding them together. It was not the tastiest concoction, as he vividly remembered from being force-fed this very mixture last year as he recovered from his own nearly fatal wounds. "Tofu for strength, soy sauce for salt!" they kept telling him over and over until he felt like jumping up and belting them in the mouth to shut them up. Well, it had worked for him, it would work for Kenshin. He put a bowlful near Kenshin's futon for ready use as soon as Kenshin woke up. Then he laid out his travel bedroll and prepared to turn in. It was late by now, and he was more than ready for sleep. He supposed he could have used the futon he saw earlier, but he just didn't feel right about that. What if it had been the one _she_ had used? He didn't consider himself a particularly superstitious man, but sleeping in the bed of a dead woman? No, his bedroll would do just fine.

He was awakened sometime after dawn by low moans. The sedative was wearing off, and Kenshin was starting to wake up. Yoshida quickly got up and lit the fire, then set a pot of water over it for tea. Then he went over to Kenshin and felt his forehead. Good—the fever had gone down a bit. He put on a fresh cold compress and said, "Himura? Wake up. It's me, Yoshida. Remember me?"

Kenshin slowly opened his eyes, clearly working hard to focus. He looked at Yoshida, but Yoshida could tell it wasn't registering. Suddenly, Kenshin let out what sounded like a battle cry as he tried to break loose from Yoshida's grip.

"Calm down, kid, calm down!" Yoshida shouted. He pinned Kenshin down as best he could without hurting his injuries. 

Now Kenshin looked again. He had been dreaming. No, dreaming wasn't the right word—he had been in the midst of the longest nightmare he had ever endured. In the nightmare, he was hungry, thirsty, burning hot, and in unbelievable pain, yet he knew he had to go on. Tomoe was in danger, but as soon as he would find her, there would be explosions, a battle, a spray of red; then she would disappear. The nightmare seemed to be on a continuous, never-ending loop. He was so tired of it, he was in such pain…. All he wanted to do was die, but somehow he knew that Tomoe had told him he had to live, and so the nightmare continued on and on. 

Until now. Somehow, in the midst of this recurring horror, he heard someone call his name. It was a man. Why wasn't Tomoe calling his name, he wondered in his dream? Then something cold and wet was on his forehead—blessed relief from the burning heat he had been feeling. Now someone was touching his neck and shoulder—searing pain! Attack! Someone was attacking him, wounding him! With all the strength of will he could muster, he forced his eyes to open. A man trying to hold him down! Where was Tomoe! Then a voice seemed to float into his consciousness.

"…It's me, Yoshida! Your old buddy! Yoshida!"

Yoshida? Kenshin remembered that name. His friend, his one and only friend who stuck by him until a serious battle injury had prevented him from returning to Kyoto. But where was Tomoe? Slowly, slowly he started remembering the answer to that question. The snow, the explosions, the battle, Tomoe—she was dead. His eyes flew open as he tried desperately to focus on the man talking to him. Yoshida? Yes, it was him! Kenshin started crying as recognition set in. He had to tell him, had to confess what had happened….

"I killed her, Yoshida," Kenshin sobbed, "I killed her…."

"No, no—it was a soldier," Yoshida said gently, but Kenshin shook his head and squeezed weakly on Yoshida's arm to stop him.

"No," he sobbed again, "_I_ killed her!" 

The anguish in Kenshin's voice was heartbreaking. Yoshida stroked Kenshin's head as he would a child as he tried to calm him down. Then he reached over to the bowl of tofu and soy sauce and said, "Here, eat some of this." 

He lifted Kenshin's head just enough for him to swallow and forced a spoonful of the watery concoction down his throat. Kenshin grimaced and tried to turn his head away. 

"Tofu for strength, soy sauce for salt," Yoshida said as he forced a second spoonful into Kenshin's mouth. Never in a million years did he ever think he would hear himself say those blasted words to anyone! He chuckled briefly at the thought.

Kenshin was now quietly weeping but otherwise calm, so Yoshida went to brew some medicinal tea, following the directions his father-in-law had given him. He cooled it down to lukewarm, then made Kenshin drink it. The taste must have been awful, for despite his condition, Kenshin nearly spit it out. Yoshida was insistent, however, and made him drink the whole thing. 

Suddenly, Kenshin tried to sit up, and he started looking wildly around the room. "Her book!" he cried out. "Where's her book?" Yoshida had to restrain him once again.

"You mean that thing over there?" Yoshida hurriedly reached for the little black book and gave it to Kenshin, who grabbed it from his hands and hugged it to himself. Just holding it seemed to calm him. Yoshida sat next to him a little longer until he was sure Kenshin would remain calm, then he went to fix himself some breakfast.

When he finished eating, he saw that Kenshin was sleeping once again. What was it about that book that had been so important to him, Yoshida wondered? He knew he probably shouldn't do it, but he carefully pulled the little book from Kenshin's hands and opened it, this time reading what was inside. It was a diary, all right, the diary of Kenshin's wife. "Yukishiro Tomoe," it said on the inside front cover. So, her name was Tomoe. 

He started reading, and as he did, he found his stomach tying itself in knots. This woman—she had been the traitor! She had come to Kyoto to avenge her dead fiancJ , who had been killed by his friend Himura! No, he thought, not by Himura—by the Hitokiri Battousai, and that was an entirely different matter altogether. But as he read, he realized he was wrong about her, for he saw that this woman, Tomoe, had come to see what he himself had known all along—that Kenshin was a good person who really didn't want to kill. She had come to love him and at the end was ready to lay down her own life to save him. How much of this did Kenshin know, he wondered? He carefully placed the book back in Kenshin's hands.

Kenshin didn't sleep long, soYoshida managed to feed him more of the tofu concoction, and by midday he could tell that Kenshin had turned a corner. He had a feeling the farmer hadn't really fed him—or perhaps he had tried but was scared away by Kenshin's forceful thrashing—for it was clear that just by eating the tofu and drinking the medicinal teas Yoshida fixed that Kenshin was regaining his strength. It was time, he decided, to talk. So, as he started changing some of the bandages, he said, "Can you tell me what happened?" 

Kenshin closed his eyes. How to explain? Their flight together to Otsu, then learning to live together, learning to love one another, his promise to protect her…. He looked over to the cooking area, remembering everything.

"We were sitting over there, the night before…," Kenshin began. He could see it all as if it were happening as he spoke. "We were talking about our pasts. She had a fiancJ once, but he was killed in Kyoto…."

'So, he doesn't know,' Yoshida thought.

"…I told her I'd protect her, I'd protect her happiness…." Kenshin stopped as he squeezed his eyes shut. "That's when… it was the first time we…." He couldn't finish.

"What happened then?" Yoshida prompted gently as he continued to change the bandages.

A hardness seemed to creep into Kenshin's eyes, which were now staring straight at the shoji. "When I woke up the next morning, she was gone," he continued. "I looked outside for her and saw her footsteps in the snow. I didn't know where she went or why, but I sensed that the answer might be in her book, her diary." He stopped and looked at Yoshida as he said, "Women do have a ki, you know."

"Never knew that," Yoshida replied, somewhat confused as to why Kenshin thought to mention it.

"I was just about to open her diary when a note was shoved under the shoji. I grabbed it and looked outside to see who had brought it. I couldn't tell because it was snowing so heavily, but I could have sworn it was that boy, Tomoe's brother. He found us the day before, you know—he came to visit."

"What? But I thought no one knew where you were!"

Kenshin sighed deeply. "I don't know, but I knew when he came that we probably didn't have much time left at this house." He stopped again, then said, "We were so happy here…."

"You don't have to go on if you don't want to," Yoshida said.

"No—I need to tell you everything," Kenshin said with a sudden burst of determination. "The note wasn't signed, but it said they had Tomoe and that they'd kill her if I didn't meet them at the little shrine in the forest."

There now followed a story of two ambushes in a forest of barriers—a forest in which a magnetic field prevented one from sensing ki, as one of the ambushers had told him boastfully. Without his ability to sense ki, the attackers had been able to seriously wound him, even though he was ultimately victorious. But there were also two explosions, one that robbed his sense of hearing and one that nearly took away his ability to see. It was after the second ambush and second explosion that Kenshin came upon the third and final attacker.

"It was a soldier," Kenshin said in a grim voice. "I told him I was there to take Tomoe back. I couldn't sense ki, I couldn't see well, but I knew she was in the shrine at the end of the path. He was strong, a master of his style. I was so weak, I had lost so much blood, I couldn't withstand his attacks…. I knew I was going to die, but I knew that if I could just concentrate my strength on one last attack, maybe I could kill him even as he killed me—at least then I would save Tomoe! And that's what I did—I prepared myself for a final attack. I closed my eyes, focused what strength I had left into this one final blow… then I swung."

Suddenly, Kenshin stopped. An ominous silence descended punctuated only by a deep, shuddering sigh.

"I felt my sword connect," Kenshin said softly. "I thought at least I got him, but when I opened my eyes, Tomoe was there…." He shuddered again. "Tomoe was standing between us…." He started crying. "While my eyes were closed, she must have seen us and run out. She was trying to kill the soldier with her tanto—trying to save me!—but I couldn't stop my swing in time! I killed him, but I killed her, too. Her blade hit my cheek as she fell back into my arms…."

The second slash of the 'X!' Yoshida thought.

Now Kenshin put his head in his hands and started crying uncontrollably. 

"It wasn't your fault," Yoshida said softly, "it was an accident."

Kenshin shook his head and took a deep breath. "I held her as she died," he continued, his voice growing stronger. "She told me not to cry, that I needed to live, but it shouldn't have been her, it should have been me!" He lifted his head and yelled at the heavens, "I was the killer! I was the one who should have died!" He sobbed again. Then he turned to Yoshida and said, "I loved her."

"I know," Yoshida said. He stopped, wondering if he should admit to what he had done. Then he said, "I probably shouldn't have, but I had to know why that little book was so important to you. While you were sleeping last night, I read it. You need to read it, too."

He heard the little bell go off at the farmhouse gate, so he stood to go out. He put the book back into Kenshin's hands and watched as Kenshin opened the diary and started to read. Then he went out to the gate.

It was the farmer's wife who had rung the bell. She had left two big baskets of food and some silage for his horse to eat. When he reentered the house, he saw that Kenshin was still reading, so he started unpacking the baskets. In one of them was a note from the landlord. "A priest will arrive today to take care of the funeral rites," it said, "Everything is taken care of."

Funeral rites! Yoshida had been so preoccupied with Kenshin and his injuries that he hadn't given any thought to that! This was going to be a difficult topic to bring up, he knew, but it had to be done. He waited until he saw that Kenshin had closed the book. 

"Himura?" Yoshida said carefully.

Kenshin didn't answer for several seconds. Then he looked up and said quietly, "You read the diary, so you know—she came to Kyoto to kill me."

Yoshida nodded.

"What you don't know is that it was her fiancJ who gave me the cut on my cheek."

"What? That was her fiancJ ?!"

"I remember it now—he was a bodyguard for a Kyoto judge," Kenshin continued. "Before I killed him, I heard him talking about how he was about to get married. He had such a strong will to live, I remember being annoyed that he wouldn't just hurry up and die. I had such nightmares after I killed that man…. When he died, he murmured a woman's name. I realize now that he said 'Tomoe.' Her tanto cut me right where his did. I guess now they're finally joined…."

Kenshin squeezed his eyes shut as he put his hand to his cheek. Then he said, "I never knew any of this. All I knew was that somehow she…" —he struggled to find the words— "…she brought me back to life. I was losing myself, and she brought me back…. She came wanting to kill me, but something happened—I don't know what—that made her care about me, made her… love me." 

Yoshida watched as Kenshin closed his eyes once more, tears trailing down his cheeks. He waited until Kenshin had calmed down, then decided he'd better discuss what needed to be done.

"Himura," he said cautiously, "we need to discuss Tomoe-san's funeral…."

Kenshin's head shot up. "Her funeral? She's here? Where is she!"

"Outside, packed in snow," Yoshida said. "Your neighbor, the farmer, brought her back and wrapped her up…."

"Please!" Kenshin said as he tried to stand, "I need to see her!" 

It was against his better judgment, but Yoshida helped Kenshin to his feet and helped him walk outside. He turned back the wrap that was covering Tomoe so that Kenshin could see. Kenshin just stared quietly, then took a deep breath and turned to go. "Thank you," he whispered as they walked back inside.

The priest arrived shortly before noon and ordered them out of the house while he prepared the body. Kenshin felt like his own body weighed a ton, and his legs felt like jelly, but still he insisted on walking around outside, so Yoshida took him to the shed to see his horse and just to chat. He told Kenshin about Eiko, about the comings and goings at the waystation, anything to take Kenshin's mind off what had happened. Finally, after nearly an hour, the priest signaled for them to return. He had laid Tomoe on the spare futon and had dressed her in her sleeping yukata. It was appropriate, Yoshida thought, for she now looked like she was, indeed, sleeping, with her hair brushed and placed neatly around her face. 

Kenshin knelt next to the futon with his head to the floor. He could barely come to grips with it. She was dead. The woman who had brought him back from the brink of madness was dead. A chance encounter had brought her into his life, but that one chance encounter had changed his life forever. It was Tomoe who had made him question what he was doing, who had made him realize the depths to which he had sunk, who had become his spark of hope in the darkness of his world. When they moved to Otsu, it was Tomoe who had taught him what most people took for granted, but that he himself had never really experienced—the happiness of knowing that someone loved him, that someone would be there to come home to, that someone would help him in bad times as well as good. And now she was gone, killed by his own hand. The pain in his heart was unbearable.

The priest started lighting incense at Tomoe's feet as he announced, "We cremate tonight." He produced an urn decorated with white plum blossoms from his bag of funeral objects and placed it near the incense. Kenshin stared at it for several moments. Then he said, "How did you know?"

"Your landlord was very particular about that," the priest grumbled. "It was white plum blossoms or I'd be in trouble! In a small town like Otsu, that's not so easy, you know." He stood and opened the shoji. "I'll just go out for awhile, let the neighbors know, leave you with your wife." Then he was gone.

Now Kenshin reached over to where the priest had placed Tomoe's belongings. He carefully took her blue shawl and put it around his shoulders, lifting one edge to his nose in an attempt to smell her scent one more time. He remembered that day last spring when she had tried to place it around him while he slept. He almost killed her that day, he was so startled. Hadn't he said then that he could never kill her? It was all too much for him. He was so tired now… He quietly walked over to his futon, wrapped himself in the shawl, and fell asleep. 

As he slept, Yoshida stared at his scarred cheek. What was it the Buddhists said about karma—that your karma was determined by how you lived your previous lives? What kind of karma was it that led Kenshin to be scarred not just by Tomoe's blade, but also her fiancJ 's blade, and at exactly the same spot? What kind of karma was it that led Tomoe to Kyoto for revenge but then led her to fall in love with her fiancJ 's killer? How would a 15-year-old ever make any sense out of this? Hell, it was more than he could figure out, and he was 23! 

The bell at the gate rang again close to dinnertime, announcing the return of the priest. Kenshin was surprised to see that he was accompanied by a small crowd of men. It had never occurred to him that any of his neighbors would care, but there was the farmer who had brought him back, the old man who had been so grateful for his stomach medicines, the man who had been so happy with his salve for healing cuts, and several others. They all came up to him to express their sorrow at his loss, and they all insisted on helping Yoshida and the priest make a pyre for the cremation.

Kenshin now realized that these would be his last moments with Tomoe. He sat staring at her, memorizing every detail of her face, remembering the sound of her voice and the soft touch of her hand. They were all gone now, gone forever. He didn't know how he would be able to keep on living.

"Oh, Tomoe," Kenshin moaned softly, "I've lost you! Now I know how much you suffered—it must have been so hard for you. You should have hated me, but you protected me instead." He heaved a huge sigh. "At least now you're free from your pain, you won't suffer anymore…." 

He touched her cold face, wishing with all his being that somehow just his touch could bring the warmth of life back to her body. 

"I've lived such a hard life," he said to her as if she could hear him. "How could I know what happiness meant to people if I never experienced it myself? But you taught me that—you taught me what happiness really is! And now you're gone… my happiness is gone…." 

He broke down in tears, his whole body shaking with each cry. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Yoshida. He knew what that meant—they were waiting for him outside.

"Tomoe," he whispered, his heart breaking, "the time has come—I must leave you now." He bent forward to press a last kiss to her cheek. Then he reluctantly stood, took a last long look at her, and joined the others outside.

Now a last mourner arrived, a samurai. It was the owner of the house. As the villagers all bowed low, he took Kenshin and Yoshida aside and said, "Your friend has arranged for burial in Kyoto. He expects to arrive within the next few days and asks that you wait for him." Kenshin and Yoshida knew he referred to Katsura, and they nodded their acknowledgement.

Now Yoshida helped the priest carry Tomoe's body outside, and the priest started the cremation ceremony. Kenshin could barely stand to look as a large, white column of smoke rose to the sky. Then it was over, and the priest placed the ashes in the urn and handed it to Kenshin. He felt like he was in a bad dream—this wasn't real, he would wake up, he would be holding Tomoe in his arms, not this urn! But as he turned to walk back to the house, he knew it was no dream. Now he would have to learn to live with the emptiness.

The next morning Yoshida was awakened by the sound of wood being chopped. Kenshin? How could he chop wood so soon after badly injuring his shoulders! But there he was, chopping away. The ax swung slowly, and there wasn't the expected power behind the swings, but he was chopping wood nonetheless.

"Here, Himura, let me do that!" Yoshida said as he rushed out into the cold. When Kenshin showed no inclination to stop, Yoshida added, "You're a better cook than I am—you fix breakfast, I'll do this!"

Kenshin gave a weak smile. He knew Yoshida was right—he was a better cook—so he handed over the ax. Now he saw the extent of Yoshida's own injury from the previous year—Yoshida could barely raise his left arm above shoulder height, though he could still swing an ax with some power. It was true, then—Yoshida's days as a fighter were over. Kenshin went on inside and did as his friend asked.

The meal was taken in silence, grief hanging over the two of them like a cloud. As they finished, it was Kenshin who finally spoke. 

"You know," he said quietly, "when Katsura asked me to deliver heaven's justice to the enemies of the Ishin Shishi, he warned me that killing a man was the hardest thing a man could do, and he was right, but not entirely. Even harder is knowing that bringing death to someone, even an enemy, also brings unbearable grief to others. I've known that almost from the beginning. I've tried to ignore it, but I can't anymore, for now it's touched me as well…."

A heavy silence descended once again as Kenshin stared at his hands.

"That night before I… before Tomoe died," he continued, "I promised Tomoe that once the war was over, I'd never kill again. I meant it." 

"What will you do, then?" Yoshida asked.

"I don't know," Kenshin said. "The war's not over, is it. I already have so much blood on my hands from this war…. I guess I talk to Katsura when he comes."

Now Kenshin started regaining his strength, and as the days passed, he progressed not only to chopping wood and bringing in water, but also to practicing at least the beginning kata of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Yoshida tried his best to take Kenshin's mind off his grief, even to the point of showing how he had almost learned Kenshin's technique for predicting dice. "I had a lot of time on my hands to practice while I was recuperating last year," Yoshida explained, but he still lost every time to Kenshin, which elicited at least a weak smile and chuckle from him.

It was at the end of the second week that Katsura finally arrived. Yoshida met him at the gate and filled him in on Kenshin's condition. 

"Katsura-san, please, whatever you do, don't send him back to being a hitokiri!" Yoshida pleaded when he had finished cataloging Kenshin's injuries and recovery. He proceeded to tell Katsura the whole story of Tomoe, her fiancJ , and her final sacrifice out of love for Kenshin. Katsura seemed shaken by the account.

"Takasugi warned me about this," Katsura said, "but I didn't listen." His shoulders seemed to slump as if the weight of the world were upon them "He told me it would ruin the boy's life to make him a hitokiri. I guess he was more right than he knew. Now I'm responsible for Tomoe's death as well." Then he suddenly straightened up. "Well, no sense putting this off…." and he proceeded to the house.

Kenshin was standing in the doorway waiting for him. He bowed low, saying, "Katsura-san."

Katsura bowed back. "I'm glad to see you're well and that you've recovered."

"Katsura-san," Kenshin began, "Tomoe…." 

"You don't have to tell me," Katsura said. "I've heard all about it, and I've sent someone to deal with the traitor who betrayed you. It was Iizuka, you know."

"Iizuka?" Kenshin snorted.

"What, you don't believe it?" Katsura asked.

"No, I should have guessed," Kenshin said. "He told me once that he'd make sure he was on the winning side. After our defeat at the Imperial Palace last summer, I guess he decided our side wasn't it."

If Katsura was surprised by this information, he didn't show it. "Well, nevetheless, I've sent a fellow named Shishio Makoto to take care of him." 

As he spoke the words, Katsura realized he had come to a decision—he would no longer burden Kenshin with the hardship of being a hitokiri. 

"He's a dangerous man," Katsura continued, "but his skills are on a par with yours. I've decided he will take care of assassinations from now on."

"So, I'm being fired?" Kenshin asked. He didn't know whether to feel elated or insulted.

Katsura was startled by his assumption. "No, no, not at all! Himura, I almost hesitate to ask at a time like this, but you must continue to wield your sword for us! The patriot-hunting in the capital has grown worse. If no one stands up to them, total destruction is inevitable! Himura, we need you to protect the Ishin Shishi as a mobile attacker. It's cruel of me to ask you, but there is no one else I can think of, no one else with your skill. Can you do that? Can you once again wield the sword that soars to the heavens?"

Kenshin remained silent. No longer a hitokiri! But still he was needed to kill. He had made a promise to Tomoe, but the war was still going on…. 

The silence was interrupted suddenly by the sounds of Yoshida yelling and children running up the path to the house. Kenshin realized he hadn't seen the children in a long time—the defilement period must be over, he thought absently.

"Katsura-san," he finally said, "I understand. If I abandon the sword now, all the lives I've taken will be for nothing. Tomoe taught me the many small happinesses people live for. Until there can be an age lit up by these small happinesses, I will wield my sword. But when the new age comes…."

"You'll throw away your sword?" Katsura asked.

"I don't know," Kenshin answered truthfully, "but I know I'll never kill again. Never again!"

Katsura watched as Kenshin now went out to join the children. It looked like they were used to coming over to play and were disappointed that he wouldn't play with them now. 'Takasugi was right,' he realized. 'He really was just a boy, and I've deprived him of his innocence.' 

It was time to go, but before he did, he needed to take care of one last chore. He gently pulled Kenshin away from the children and said, "Himura, I've arranged for Tomoe to be buried at the monastery you took the Kaminaga family to last year. If you'd like, I can take care of that now…."

Kenshin thought back to that day—it seemed so long ago. He had saved a woman and her two small children from assassination; the monk there, Toshiro, had been so kind to him. He looked up and said, "Yes, I would appreciate that very much." 

He took Katsura back inside and slowly handed him the urn. "And thank you, Katsura-san, for taking care of everything." 

Katsura took the urn, made his farewells, then headed down the road back to Kyoto.

"He took the urn?" Yoshida asked as he returned to the house. 

"He's arranged for her burial," Kenshin said, "and I'm no longer to be a hitokiri."

"Then what will you do?" Yoshida asked, relieved to hear the news.

"Until the war is over, I will remain a fighter for the Ishin Shishi," Kenshin said, "but after that, I plan never to kill again." Then he went back outside to play with the children one last time.

The following day saw Kenshin and Yoshida leave the small farmhouse, both mounted on Yoshida's horse. It had been such a happy five months, Kenshin thought as they rode away; he wondered if he would ever have such happiness again. He doubted it. The gods had once again had their fun with him. They had allowed him to taste peace and contentment, only to shatter it all in the cruelest way. What else could a killer expect, he thought bitterly. 

Towards the end of the day, they reached the crossroads where Yoshida's road to the mountains split from Kenshin's road to Kyoto. As he helped Kenshin down from the horse, Yoshida handed him an envelope—a souvenir, he told Kenshin. The two embraced, then parted ways. When Kenshin stopped a little later to rest, he took the envelope out and opened it. Inside was one of Yoshida's pictures, of dark clouds with a sun breaking through, but it wasn't just a sun—it had a face that looked like Tomoe. Below it he had written:

"When things are darkest,

Know that she'll shine through the clouds.

Her love will not die."

Kenshin choked back his tears, then slipped it into his sleeve pocket, right next to Tomoe's diary. Then he continued the walk back to Kyoto.

****

The End

_________________________________________________

****

Japanese Terms:

Kenkaku-sama: Lord Swordsman. The farmer is being overly polite by using '–sama' instead of the more usual '-san.'

Tokunouka: outstanding farmer. Yoshida is repaying the compliment.

Ishin Shishi: nickname for the anti-Shogunate rebels.

Tanto: short dagger.

Kata: prescribed moves for practicing a martial art.

Takasugi: Takasugi Shinsaku was the Chousu samurai who created a private militia of peasants and merchants, called the Kiheitai.

****

Author's Note: This epilogue is the result of CoConspirator begging me for more about Yoshida as well as more about Kenshin and Tomoe, and this is what I came up with. After writing this, though, I realized that some of you might be upset that I didn't write an account of the time in Otsu, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, if you'd like to know what I think went on, take a look at Tomoe's diary entries in chapter 3 of my previous story, _In Search of Family. _Then there are probably some of you who wish I had skipped this whole Otsu bit and written instead about what Kenshin was like when he returned to Kyoto. However, others have done such a superb job with this that I could never improve upon it. I highly recommend Haku Baikou's _Soul of a Hitokiri, _which takes place right after Kenshin returns to Kyoto, Naga's never-completed (but very gripping) _The Darkest Shadows, the Brightest Lights_, Emiri-chan's _Rended,_ and Hitokiri Gentatsu's _Shadow of Shadows_, which also is awaiting completion (hint, hint!).

I know that according to the manga, Kenshin does not look at Tomoe's diary for two weeks. I can't believe he's so dense that he'd wait that long, so I hurried things along a bit. As for the customs surrounding death and funerals, I based my descriptions on information I found on the web about Shinto and Buddhist practices in 19th-century Japan, as well as on descriptions from _The Tale of Genji. _The manga says nothing about a funeral for Tomoe, but obviously some kind of funeral happened because she ends up in a cemetery. As for tofu and soy sauce being good for strength and salt, I made it up (it sounds plausible, after all)—do not try this at home!!! : )

To all you fans of the OAV, there is no bigger fan of the OAV than myself (I cry every time I see it), but it is significantly different from the manga. For one thing, Iizuka does not show up at the house telling Kenshin that Tomoe's a traitor, nor does Kenshin burn the house down with Tomoe in it. So, please forgive me for following the manga, but rest assured that I love the OAV as much as you do.

And for CoConspirator's sake, because she's been dying to know, I will tell everyone that the name of Yoshida's horse is Shishi—Patriot. Do I have a thing about horses? Well, that crazy Episode 22 did put a bug in my bonnet… !

It's been an honor to write for you all—your support, comments, and criticism have really helped keep me going. I look forward to reading your own contributions to RKdom in the future!

****

CoConpsirator's Note: Well, there you have it, the epilogue. It took us three tries to get it right—once from Yoshida's point of view, once from Kenshin's point of view, then we finally just smashed them all together. Well, whatever works…. 

Those darn farmers, they wanted to have a pyre so bad, but in the OAV Kenshin just burned the house down, didn't invite anybody over or anything, so let's invite some people, invite the whole village over, have some tears here. And of course we had to customize the urn—it was a very special urn. We heard it was made by Hiko Seijuro himself!! [Co-C. is falling apart in hysterics here….—C.]

I hope you liked the story and thanks for all the support. Don't forget to keep an eye out for anything new. Ja ne!! *wanders off into the distance*


End file.
